BlackLOG

Our summer vacation in 4 parts
Safari day 1
Safari day 2
Mauritius

For day three’s morning drive our numbers returned to 7 as Peter and Rachel had packed the pink slippers and slunk away during the night (see day 2 if you are confused). We spent the morning searching for hippos, which turned out to be a bit of a fruitless task…There were murmurings that someone had seen an otter but it was probably just the splash from an over enthusiastic fish. Every ripple in the river was greeted with silent anticipation.

I managed to fill the time focusing on various nameless birds. Carl from wildlifetours and education*, my font of all feathery knowledge , has very kindly attempted to put me out of my misery (and no doubt his own personal suffering at my misguided attempts to name the copious winged friends that litter the South African plains) by sending me a book on South African birds – I think you will agree a very kind and thoughtful gesture, if potentially rather embarrassing when I get my future bird names wrong. We did see the usual suspects but, alas, no sign of the elusive hippo.

* Carl will you never learn - as Teach and Mrs B have, so painfuly over the years - That I am beyond educating. Three trips with you should have hinted at my non-stick approach to learning...

Once we were back at the lodge and had finished breakfast, Mrs B was busy sunning herself and I was sorting through photos when Jan gave a cry – there was something in the lake below Rippons Lodge. The shout soon went up – it was a hippo – I scrambled across the room, like a second world war fighter pilot and grabbed The Beast. Fortunately the 300mm lens and 2X converter were on . Far below there was indeed a hippo – but The Beast was refusing to take any pictures – in my haste I had not put the CF card back into The Beast and was thus firing blanks… I dashed back to the room, grabbed the cards and took the opportunity to pick up the monopod (which up to this point had been a rather heavy and obsolete piece of equipment, whose sole contribution thus far had been to take my case’s weight perilously close to going over my luggage limit).

I was relieved to see that the hippo was still paddling about the lake – partly because it meant I could take some photos and partly because if I could see it, it meant that it was not sneaking up behind me about to crush me to death. Far from being the fat comic creatures dancing about in pink Tutus, as Disney cartoons would have us believe, the hippo is considered by the majority of wildlife experts to be the most dangerous animal in Africa (if you exclude man, the mosquitos and a waking Mrs B). This is because it has notched up way more kills than the much feared lion. OK, crocodiles can probably run them close but at the end of the day when did fashion week last feature a Hippopotamus shoe and belt combination? Let’s face it if you can wear it then it becomes a little less scary.

Considering the Hippo is a vehement vegetarian (but then again so was Hitler – sorry Karen but it’s true) it is surprising to learn that it does not just rely on the ‘crush them to death’ or ‘hold them under water’ technique but will happily chomp down on its victims with its huge canine teeth and sharp incisors. I’m not sure if it makes a lot of difference to your last moments on earth knowing that the hippo is going to spit rather than swallow you…..

The reason why the hippo is so dangerous is because it is so territorial (I guess a bit like us English when we were busy building our empire). This, when combined with extreme aggression**, unpredictability and a lack of fear of humans*** makes for a very bad neighbour. (Shed wars might have had a very different outcome if the neighbours had turned out to be Mr & Mrs Hippo and their son Derek). The majority of human deaths occur when the victim either gets between a hippo and its own designated water supply or between a mother and her calf. Although I suspect there might have been the odd hippopotamus lover who got crushed to death when the object of their desire rolled over in bed. All very embarrassing for the family left behind and, I suspect, not often reported… “Yeah, my son got crushed to death by his hippo lover.”

** I know The Beast can get a bit snappy if you get between him and his intended target but the most he is likely to do is take an out of focus picture of you.

*** Hippos learned a long time ago that those pesky crocodiles make much better handbags and so, rather than get depressed about it, have decided to use it to their advantage….

Despite their generous proportions (no way am I calling them fat - they already sound mean enough as it is) they are actually quite fast runners, reaching up to 25mph in short bursts on land. Yet in water, where they spend much of their lives, they are surprisingly poor swimmers - about as buoyant as Natalie Wood. (How ironic that someone named Natalie should fail to float.) Hippos prefer to walk along the bottom of rivers and lakes, surfacing every few minutes to take a breath. They can even do this when they are asleep apparently, so perhaps my Natalie Wood comment was a little unkind…on the hippo…

I spent most of the time before the next drive waiting for the hippo to do something interesting like open its jaws or even pirouette across the lake after all, they must practice sometimes…. damn you Disney and your raising of people’s expectations but even though he did nothing but drift around, it was still an incredible privilege to watch.

For our final drive we had a new Ranger – as Francis had left to go on his vacation – so up stepped Chris, freshly returned from his honeymoon and raring to go. We were also joined by yet another couple on their honeymoon. I introduced myself and excitedly took them over to see the hippo before we left for the drive (in case they did not get the opportunity to see one again). They seemed so underwhelmed with it, I could not understand why they had bothered to come on Safari at all. I did see a young girl sitting in the front of another lodge’s truck, playing on a handheld computer (no doubt some animal reality game), while all around her she was missing fabulous and truly real animals in their natural habitat…

Chris was another excellent Ranger. He had a slightly more laid back approach than Francis but you had a feeling that he was switched on all the same and he certainly knew his stuff. Once again, we got to see the usual suspects and had spent some time trying to track down a pride of lions – no luck. Things got a bit more exciting as we attempted to return to the lodge. We came across a lone male elephant, in the middle of the road, who was determined that we were not going to get pass. The standoff lasted quite some time and after a couple of failed attempts to drive him back off the track and into the bush, he started to charge at the truck – Chris put it in reverse and quickly retreated. There was a definite sense of unease amongst the party, although I was way too busy snapping to get into a panic.

A second truck arrived and Chris and the driver discussed options:

Second driver – we could try a bribe?

Me – Did you say bride or bribe? ‘Cos we have a selection of recent brides on board that we could sacrifice….

In the end the decision was taken not to sacrifice any of the brides (a bit disappointing as I have a feeling that would have made for some interesting photographs) and a different route around the jumbo road block was found.

Sad as we were to leave Rippons, we had the excitement of a 3am start to look forward to – Mrs B was particularly delighted with that one. So I had better close this week before the BlackLOG becomes XXX rated…

Just the details of the drives and this weeks photo's to come

Animals seen and our companions on day 3:

Frances - Ranger

Steve and Jan

Peter and Rachel

Morning Drive

Elephant

Cape Clawless Otter (possible, or it might have been a fish)

Red Hartebeest

Impala

At Rippons Lodge

Hippopotamus

Evening Drive

Chris - Ranger

Steve and Jan

Andy and Rachel

Honeymoon couple No. 3 (Can’t remember their names)

Elephant (nut job)

Burchell’s Zebra

Giraffe

Springbok

Impala

Photo finish

All photo's taken by The Beast - except 2, one of which was taken by Mrs B and Mega Mini Beast - and the other by Mini Beast.

I'm afraid that since Beer for the Shower said in last week’s comments

“And your captions here with the photos were great. Not sure if

you're familiar with Gary Larson, but these could have been live-

action shots of his Far Side cartoons.”

I’ve not been able to live up to the tag. So you can blame them for the poor showing this week.

1 of 2

After the argument Orville Wright went solo.

The closest I can get is a Hyliota (possibly a southern or

yellow bellied ) but the beak is wrong....so might be a relative

Why don't the bastards wear name tags.??

2 of 2

Forcing Wilbur Wright to branch
out in a different direction.

Mousebird
Part mouse, part bird

Special powers, the ability to squeak at high altitude
was hardly proving a winner with the ladies ….

Proof that the super hero market
was pretty much tapped out

The lesser yellow eyed speckled Jim

Only serves to demonstrates that, as I feared,

having a Southern African bird book was going

to lead me to embarrassment in the birding world

rather than identification glory…

Sorry Carl, even with

all the wonderful illustrations I’m still struggling to

identify the little feathered visitors….

The closest I can get is a Black-Facesd Babbler

The last known photo of Natalie wood....

Harvey got really upset when he lost his favourite

rubber ducky and the resulting 5 day killing

spree did not end until he discovered it wedged

between his bum cheeks…

Daphne was embarrassed when her

discreet little parp took out three

ducks and a low flying helicopter….

The power of The Beast - if you look in the
centre of the lake, the small dot is the hippo
shown in the previous pictures but taken with
a 50mm lens, rather than with the 600mm...

Yes I can assure you the air up here is very fresh..

Chris
"The Impala don’t have a particular hierarchy

and so when they make a run for it there is no

particular order - fastest and strongest first."

Me
"Sounds a bit like trying to
board a RyanAir flight"

Gweneth Impala
" I think you will find we

paid for priority boarding."

A slightly concerned Mrs B gets a bit too

close for comfort...Those elephant muffins

can be rather intimidating….

I know what you're thinking.

"Did he fire six shots or only five?"

Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind

of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 trunk,

the most powerful trunk in the world, and would blow

your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one
question....

"Do I feel lucky? "

"Well, do ya, punk?"

Following a short trial Dumbo was convicted

of impersonating a doctor, after attempting

to use his trunk as a stethoscope….

The Gordon Brown smile not only cost Walter his
seat in the House of Commons but also his life...
(you might need to go back to last weeks picture
for this to make any sense....)