BlackLOG

Wedding preparations

It was off to Weston Park in Staffordshire to celebrate the nuptials of our friends, Christian and Philip. The venue was so impressive I’ll even forgive them for making us miss Jools Holland, playing at Audley End

Mrs B had ordered a wig (Mrs B’s interjection, “It was a hair piece”) for the occasion, which got delayed in the post and only arrived the day before the wedding. After dinner, I turned around and asked Mrs B if she was going to model her wig for me.

I got ‘the look’

Me - “What?”

Mrs B – “It’s not a wig it’s a hair piece and for your information I’ve been wearing it since I got home…Hrummph………. 20/19 vision indeed.”

Me - “Ooops. So that’s null points for observation then…..”

In my defense, I don't always realise when I've

had my own hair cut.....and I certainly don't get

upset if I forget to compliment myself about it....

Wedding venue
All I can say is “Wow”. Weston Park is just incredible - a fantastic house and some of the best kept formal gardens I have ever seen.

Weston Park - like something out of a Jane Austen novel

only this time it's with two Mr Darcy's

The Orangery, originally where they would have grown

citrus fruits, now it's where they keep the

orange day-glow tanned guests ….

Sorry Sis I'm sure yours is a very nice shade of orange

I told you the gardens were nice.....

Wedding cake
Gulp and I thought Mrs B’s Mum was good at this stuff (and she still is) but this was something else….”

Not sure if this is a wedding cake or a scene

from the next Wallis and Gromit movie

Friends, relations lend me your smiles
I love this photo. It’s what every half decent wedding needs - grumpy guests.

I can't believe they won't serve us a Big Mac or

even a family size bucket of chicken.....?

It gets even better. Normally, you never find out what the issue is but as luck would have it Mrs B happened to be at the bar when Mr & Mrs ‘Happiness personified’ worked up enough energy to trundle across the room and ask the Barman,

“Who are all these people and what’s happened to all the people we know?”

It turns out they had come to the wrong wedding at the wrong venue and had missed the reception that they were meant to be attending by a mere 30 miles or to put it another way about an hour’s drive away.…..Impressive, I just wish I could report that it had been their own reception that they had failed to get to, which would have been even funnier*, but hey you can’t have everything. Besides, who am I to gloat? They were only an hour out while I managed the far more impressive feat of missing a venue by a full 24 hours….

* Well I think it would have been, but Mrs B however came over all romantic and thought that that was just mean. I can’t argue with that assessment but I stand by my position that it would still be hilarious to find out that the people who had organised and booked the venue had somehow managed to turn up at the wrong one. But - hang on a second; if you study the photo again, bringing in Sherlock Holmes style detection techniques (P.S. love the new modern version that is currently being shown in the UK) these are people who would consider MacDonald’s upmarket dining….what must they have been thinking as they drove up the long sweeping drive way to the magnificent setting of Weston Park….? Did they honestly think that their friends had found an off the beaten track Little Chef, housed behind the pig pens or possibly an ‘All you can eat’ Kebab house operating from the servants’ quarters…. ?

With this information in hand I showed the photo to Philip and Christian - our Groom and Groom:
I told them the story which they thought was hilarious and they called the official wedding photographer over and told him if he had any pictures of the Happies he should delete them.

He took one look at the photo and said “No problem.” This would be because he knows better than to waste shots on such miserable people. Now that's just wedding photography snobbery, personally, I prefer a little bit of reality in my photographs – call it a warts and all approach........This probably explains why I’m not an official wedding photographer…..

The Beast strikes again
Wedding guest – “Where are you from?”

Me – “Bishops Stortford”

Wedding Guest – “No, I mean who are you with?”

Me – “Just my wife”

Wedding Guest - “No, I mean which paper?”

Me – “Have you heard of the ‘BlackLOG’?”

Wedding Guest - “No”

Me – “I’m not surprised, it’s a bit of an exclusive publication….”
i.e only gets about 100 regular readers a week. See? There is a reward for reading this drivel…………….guaranteed exclusivity!

How come Mrs B gets to hear all the best comments?
Mrs B had gone to the loo and was almost bowled over by a rather large (and really very, very drunk) woman who had rushed in and stood like a startled rabbit for a few seconds and then declared in a beautiful Brummie accent:

Brummie guest – “I’m not really sure if I want to go to the loo, babe.”

Mrs B – trapped between the cubicle and the door and fighting for her life..…………"If we hang around for long enough I’m sure we will find out one way or the other…."

Ironbridge
We thought as we were up in Shropshire that we might as well make a weekend of it and so, on Sunday, we visited the world heritage site which happened to be on the door step.

This consists of 10 museums based around the Coalbrookdale valley, imaginatively renamed the Ironbridge Gorge after the world’s first Iron bridge was built there in 1779. Gosh this is like a history lesson....zzzzzz

An accident of nature saw vast quantities of iron and coal deposited in a convenient valley with good links to large cities**. Then, in another stroke of good fortune, one Abraham Darby*** visited and he introduced a manufacturing process using coke to smelt iron. This helped kick start the industrial age and resulted in the area being called the "Birthplace of the Industrial Revolution". Rather disappointingly, but not surprisingly since it was over three hundred years ago, all signs of the birth have gone, so no stretch marks or anything…..Nature has even done a good job of covering up what was once an industrial wasteland, I guess there is hope for the future of Wales then…….

** I guess today’s equivalent of living in a good school’s catchment area, although why anyone would want well educated coal and nicely spoken iron beats me………

*** To demonstrate what an imaginative time this was Abraham Darby was succeeded by

Abraham Darby II
Abraham Darby III
and wait for it
Abraham Darby IV (there may have been more but I lost the will to do any more research)

We shouldn't be surprised the quality of iron was categorised as

Best (Obviously standing for the best quality of Iron...)

Best, Best (Hang on a second, so Best is apparently not the best)

Best, Best, Best (This is starting to sound like a bad advert for a new super improved washing powder.)

The main museum is "Blist Hill Victorian Town", described as a living history museum, where you can chat to the costumed Victorians (i.e. failed actors) who give you a flavour of what it must have been like....unfortunately our visited coincided with a "special theme" weekend which happened to be Alice in Wonderland....This seemed to consist of 'Failed Failed' actors, who were summed up by the Mad Hatter who ran around the place screaming "Moose, moose no moose, elephants!" and very little else, surely a candidate for a Failed Failed Failed actor....

To be honest I've seen better Failed Failed Failed

actors on East Enders....

Hmmm while I guess Mrs B and I weren't the intended audience for this rubbish, I'm not sure how many two year olds got much out of it either. We retired early and went to view the Iron Bridge itself, which had the much underrated benefit of not being interactive, apart from being able to walk over it of course….

A record of the week
Appropriate music to accompany this week BlackLOG

It's a mans mans world - Christina Aguilera
Smile - The supernaturals

Photo finish