Friday, 28 December 2007

Strictly unfair

I had heard that if you hung around with an addict for long enough there was a real danger that you would become addicted yourself. Well Mrs B, a self confessed Strictly Come Dancing Junkie for a number of years, finally managed to infect me. I tried hard to fight it but it was a losing battle. It all started so innocently with me recording the main show in case Mrs B was out, building up to recording the Weekday show (1) with the wonderfully named Claudia Winkleman. With Mrs B watching so much of it, however, my exposure increased and thus the inevitable slide into the dark and murky world that is celebrity hoofer watching.

I now find myself shouting at the judges with a passion normally reserved for something more important like football. When Bruno, the over-excitable Italian pratt gave Brendon “I desperately want to get into Kelly’s undergarments” Cole and Kelly “Complete airhead” Brook a 10, despite a blatant transgression of the rules. The air turned blue in the household, I can tell you, a gross miscarriage of justice. Add Len “I’m such a nice guy, unless you disagree with me” Goodman into the mix and not forgetting Arlene “old enough to know better” Phillips and Craig Revel “seems like a nice boy” Horwood cat-fighting it out over the hunky and sweet blokes and you have a recipe for my Saturday night from hell.

Mrs B's Strictly Dance party Disaster - well me basically, the party itself was great fun...
Mrs B got her dearest wish and our residence was thrown open to host "Mrs B's Strictly Christmas Dance Party". Everything went perfectly to plan, except me I'm afraid. Poor Mrs B expected me to turn up in a smart DJ. I had even gone out of my way and got my DJ cleaned for the event. Unfortunately, after I had collected the DJ, I found a completely hideous, yellow and red flouncie little number which called (or rather screamed) to me from a Market Stall I was passing. It was called a "Rumba-man" outfit and was made of the finest polyester that money can buy. This quality garment came complete with a reassuring little sticker, which I interpreted as "Do not expose to direct heat" taking this to mean "no ironing required". I think it actually read "Do not expose to naked flame" but that doesn't allow me to even attempt to justify this purchase, other than avoiding smokers which I try to do as a rule anyway....

I managed to dress in the shirt, complete with stick-on hairy chest and gold medallion then sneak out of the house to pick up a couple of the revellers, intending to use them as a smoke screen when I unveiled myself to Mrs B, in a full frontal Latin attack. The plan went fairly well until I reached my friends Kirsty & Joe's house. I flounced up to the door (Let's face it, the shirt would not allow any other approach). It happened to be Kirsty's mum that opened the door, a woman who I had never met before. She did her best to smile, managed to say, as she slowly looked me up and down "Very nice" (in a slow measured style, used when you can't believe what you are saying) and then she grabbed her dog. I thought she was worried that I might attempt to steal it or something worse, but it turned out that she was just putting its (I'm assuming "it" is a "her") pink diamond-studded Christmas Collar on (my guess is that they were not actual diamonds) to be honest I'm not sure who looked worse - me or the dog (sorry Kirsty/Lorna).

On reflection I can see why Mrs B was a little underwhelmed by my attire for the evening....

With Kirsty and Joe as moral support (although I suspect they were still sniggering at my shirt) I faced the wrath of Mrs B. My reception was a little on the frosty side, more of a stunned silence than muted celebration. Fortunately after the initial shock wore off, Mrs B saw the funny side with the added bonus that she hardly noticed the smoke machine and Strobe light that made their inaugural appearances (they had both been around for ages but this was the first opportunity for them to break cover and come out into the open). The strobe went down particularly well with the men folk at least, who seemed to spend much of the evening staring intently at it and going off into a little trance world of their own, probably trying to look anywhere but at my shirt......As for the Strictly Come Dancing competition itself, most people started the evening supporting Alesha but switched allegiance to Matt, who most of us felt shaded it on the night. Not that the judges seemed to notice, doing very good impressions of a football referee and missing the blindingly obvious. So that's it for at least another year, the TV recorder can now have a well earned rest from its relentless seven days a week schedule. As a final note I feel it is only fair to point out to Mrs B that the World Cup is only every four years, not annually, lasts 8 weeks less (probably 10 from an England team's point of view ) and is not on every night..... "I just want to know where my sainthood is?" "What do you mean I lost it when I put on on that yellow and red monstrosity!"

In order to avoid being sued, for using copyright material Al, Deidre, Joe and Kirsty pose as the Strictly Judges - Graig, Arlene, Len and Bruno respectively. Frankly I'm shocked by Len and Bruno's antics, just as well the smoke machine obscures most of the image......

After failing to make the Judges panel, Sharon and John tuck into some consolation cheese.

As the tension mounts, even Joe, who attended the event under sufferance, appears to be enjoying himself..

Mrs B, like the cat that got the cream, as she thoroughly enjoys her party...


(1) This is where a certain amount of double standards start to crop up. While Mrs B seems to enjoy most sports (if you don’t include, boxing, snooker and darts) she has a real problem with the excessive build up to any event and even worse the endless autopsies after the event. Yet she is more than happy to watch 5 days worth of “Strictly Come” autopsy, “So-en-so’s left foot went 1/8” to far and their Chasie watcha-macall-its were simply atrocious. This also incorporates Strictly Come build up from hell with hours of debate on what they will be wearing, dancing to and how’s it looking, they have now had almost 30 seconds of practice and they are just not getting it. To cap it all it is now on Sunday as well, seven days a week Aaaaggggghhhhhhh

1 comment:

  1. These plans are mainly mounted for those paid people who are unable to
    tackle having emergency, resulting from having lack of funds in hands This article analyses how to go about
    acquiring an basic degree within military
    historical past In this style of college payment schedule, the costs to the semester
    tend to be split consistently into 10 equal monthly bills Each option is listed
    by means of it's certain type: Navy blue, Air Compel, Army, USMC, or maybe DOD, and provides url and phone variety for that center as well as traveling directions at this time there from your present-day location Inside first piece, your specific,
    actual month-to-month income for the six months ahead of the month which you file for bankruptcy is
    definitely reported If there's one important thing a veteran of the US military ought to face,
    it's translating her or his military job into the expert
    world Of course should you use it the moment pay it planned
    you will simply have some high interest as well as some fees
    to pay To get instant additional money without any publicity, instant endorsement personal loans have this time for yourself Common Entertainment Pupil Master Card from Pursue Introductory APR for up to Six
    months, No Once-a-year Fee, Absolutely free movie priced after first purchase, dual
    points with select General Studios Amusement park purchases, A
    single point almost every Dollar Wasted, Receive opening up Weekend Lotto tickets to Widespread Movies, Reductions on General Studios Amusement park
    tickets in addition to merchandise and also Rewards begin at
    700 points Cash advance loans are fast and convenient when compared to mortgage loans which often require some time and hassle through the side Being probably the most famous schools in the Southerly
    India, your Annamalai University lessons are also desired by the individuals for their distance education courses Thus,
    quick payday loans no credit check is completely friendly
    for the people bad credit card companies From experience,
    the particular SBA and it is banks aren't taking an aggressive position with borrowers homes and are permitting
    them to remain without pursuing an improvement of remain from chapter 7 protection and getting permission in order
    to foreclose, unless there's more than 20% fairness in the home to ensure that after fees something beneficial is became aware by the standard
    bank, otherwise there're allowing the borrowers to in the house Lawful assistance was provided to notify everyone in relation to wills, powers with attorney,
    along with matters which might be distracting in order to soldiers in addition to their families immediately after deployment So now is an breakdown of
    the bad and the good side regarding student loan debt consolidation loan: Consider the perception of purchasing berry, snacks, peanut butter and jelly (and other non-perishable sandwich generating item), and also bread at a grocery store For more information about what payday lenders are allowed to conduct and what
    they are not allwed to do, go to the Federal Industry Commission's Web
    site, Making the decision to implement this type
    of money might be a good choice for an urgent situation We already have a
    great number of folks who suffer from already
    been stuck with outstanding student loan personal debt that
    they will not very likely be able to reimburse in their doing the job lifetimes Do you
    have a good friend or relative who has requested the possibility of an individual taking over expenses on a car finance
    Fixed Property may have various subgroups for each kind of assets
    if you want to have individual Ledger Is the reason individual Assets

    my site ... payday loan no credit checks,,


Your Social Comment

This is just your opinion so feel free to say what you like...