Sunday, 5 October 2008

Creating a new word

I got excited the other day when I thought I had managed to create a new word. After all, how hard can it be - Shakespeare created hundreds of new words (or possibly stole them, depending on your view of history). This is no mean achievement particularly, when you consider that this was a man whose only six authenticated signatures are all spelt differently (according to Bill Bryson in his book Made in America, which I can highly recommend). Unfortunately, a very rudimentary investigation not only uncovered the word to be already in use but my interpretation of the word was not that far off the dictionary definition (which is unusual for me). The word in question is chunter. I use it to describe when I talk at the TV (normally aimed at a politician, referee, so-called expert who has been dug out from under a stone and has no idea of what goes on in the real world etc..etc….) or when I’m looking for my keys which have decided that what would really make my day complete would be to play hide and seek with them. Quite frankly they are rubbish at it and in all the years that we have been playing, it has always been me that does the actual finding..... I’m conveniently excluding the times when Mrs B finds them for me, as I feel that this is irrelevant for the purposes of this Blog, so moving swifly along...

Chuntering is OK in the privacy of your home and just about OK in a car. (People will probably think you are posh and have a hands-free phone system, unless you are in a BMW in which case they probably guess that you are chuntering as any Bluetooth system installed in a BMW is a bit like an appendix - you might have one but it serves no real purpose). However, you should never chunter in public. People, think you are mad and there is a good chance you may find yourself sectioned. This, of course, does not apply to the extremely rich or people of ancient aristocratic stock. They are considered merely eccentric and can get away with almost anything, up to, and occasionally, including murder.

The problem with chuntering is that left unchecked it can often lead to bouts of monobation. I’m fairly confident that monobation is a genuine BlackLOG creation and I use it to describe a situation where a conversation with an inanimate object has gone beyond chuntering and has worked its way up to a very heated discussion with said inanimate object. This can include items such as TVs, in-car navigation systems, even something over which you have just tripped. It can, at a stretch, even be used to cover attempted conversation with deaf elderly relatives or politicians who continually fail to answer the questions they have been asked.

When you have a number of people monobating in close proximity the practice is described as massdebation. Please note that the BlackLOG cannot condone the practice of massdebation , especially if it is done in public or even in your own car. It is even worse if the car happens to be a BMW (BMW drivers already have a bad enough reputation, without leaving themselves open to any misinterpretation that this massdebation might cause).

McG gets a new career
Good news for the household funds, McG appears to have a new career.

We are still waiting for his first rental cheque though. I just wonder what career Mischief will take up.


  1. Monobation: I am using that.

  2. High praise from Teach, does that mean that I get a Gold Star?

    Loth as my No.1 fan(i.e the original follower*) you are more then welcome to use Monobation.

    * Not really understanding the "Follower" creed. I hope you are getting on with the new Followers and no longer feeling so isolated. I also hope that New Followers joining is not as traumatic as introducing new cats. where days of stand off are interspersed with battles for dominance. After all, I don't want to hear complaints from the neighbouring Blogs about the noise and have to spend hours of valuble blogging time clearing up clumps of fur from the BlackLOG


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