Caught by the Fuzz

Caught by the Fuzz
As we travelled to Newmarket for a combined race meet and Razorlight gig, I saw a police bike in my rear view mirror. I checked my speed and noted that at 80mph I was travelling a little fast but not excessive, I slowed down as he zoomed up behind us, breaking the speed limit by a heck of a lot more than me in the process. He tailed me for a couple of miles and I used the cruise control to stick at exactly 70mph. He pulled along side and stayed there for another mile or so before darting in front and pointing to a fast approaching (but probably not as fast as it would have been if I hadn’t seen him) lay-by. My heart rate went right up (who needs exercise to raise your heart rate when you can just deal with the police?) at the same time my heart felt like it sank through to my stomach (an all over body work out)…..

Decision time, how do I play this one?

I decided to get out of the car and face it like a man. Please don’t try this in America, I believe they tend to Tazer or shoot you unless they actually invite you to step out of the car. I suspect either of these actions will prove detrimental to your bargaining powers. Rolling around bleeding or with your hair slightly smoking with sparks coming off it might give you the moral high ground but an inability to utter anything more coherent than sobbing and gibbering does not help win the argument ….

Mrs B said that the colour drained from my face as I walked towards the officer and I appeared to visibly shrink. That would be because as the officer got off the bike he towered over me, being almost a head taller…The bully.

Hmmm, perhaps I should have stayed in the car after all, at least he would have got a bad back leaning down menacingly over us.

My first thought was: “Maintain eye contact; and show no fear”  but with the benefit of hindsight, that might be for dealing with snakes not an eight foot high policeman. It’s a shame there were no trees close by, I could have got back the height advantage….although come to think about it that might be just for dealing with bears….well non-climbing ones anyway…It's not easy to think straight under this sort of pressure.

I felt like a naughty schoolboy up before the headmaster (if your headmaster was in black leather with a Darth Vader style helmet that is….Please note: If this stirs up deep feelings from your past, I really don’t want to know about, but feel free to post details in your own blog). As I dragged my feet towards him I was regretting not stuffing that day's newspaper down the back of my trousers in case he decided to go all 'corporate punishment' on me.

As it was, he decided to play a different game: - Mind Games

Leather Clad Headmaster – “Is this your Car?”

Me – “It’s my company car” *

* My sister had a much better answer when she was dealing with the police after her Mini had been rear-ended at traffic lights and she was asked if it was a company car:

 “I don’t think so, I wouldn’t be doing very well if it was would I?”

This came shortly after she announced rather too loudly:

“Look what he’s done to Sooty!” which was the name of her black Mini at the time.
Again, not too bad except the other driver happened to be a black gentleman

LCH – “Have you got your driver’s licence on you?”

Me – “No”

LCH – “Any proof of identity?”

I showed him various cards

LCH – “Do you know why I stopped you?”

Me – “No”

LCH – “Are you kidding me?”

Me – “No”

LCH – “Do you know what the maximum speed for this road is?”
This was getting a bit like "University Challenge" or even "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire" - I decided it was probably not the best time to phone a friend....

Me – “70mph”

LCH – “Do you know what speed you were doing?”

Me – “About 77mph"
I decided not to go for 80mph but to go with the 10% rule (You are unlikely to get done for speeding if you are not doing more than 10% of the speed limit) I'm not sure if there actually is a 10% rule but it sounds reasonable to me…. Mrs B said I should have gone in low and worked my way up.

LCH – laughing – “Do you want to try again?”

Me – “77 mph”
My first and final offer...."It was nice knowing you Mrs B, give my love to the cats and tell everyone I put up a brave fight...."

LCH – “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me – “Not at all, what speed do you think I was doing?”

LCH – “If I told you I would have to put you before the magistrate”

Me – “Well I don’t believe I was going more than 77mph”

LCH – “Sounds like you need to get your Speedo calibrated”
There was then an uncomfortable silence as we looked at each other. He broke first, I was too busy thinking what I would look like in prison garb…Not great I suspect.

LCH – “Where are you going?”

Me – “Newmarket”

LCH – “Are you running late?

Me – “No”
Well we were a bit but I didn't think it was a good time to bring it up. A bit like the time I got stopped going home from the supermarket - I decided to hell with the ice-cream it was its fault that I was going a tad faster than I should have been anyway.

Now this makes me sound like a regular speeder.  In my defence I have only been stopped 4 times in 28 years of driving and have only been done once for speeding. Admittedly the other 3 times were not to congratulate me on my driving…..

LCH – “So why were you speeding?”

Me – “I hadn’t realised that I was”

More silence and staring, this was going as well as a very bad first date…

CH – “Drive carefully Sir”

Me – “Thank you, I will”
I shook him by the hand, deciding this was a safer couse of action than attempting to punch or even hug him...

So what the hell was that all about? He didn’t even give me a producer (5 days to take my car documents to a Police station of my choice. Shame they don’t cover expenses - I would select Hawaii every time….) I honestly think he was trying to trick me into talking myself into a ticket.

He sped off at what I would estimate was considerably more than 77 mph.

As I got back into the car, Mrs B rather helpfully said:

“Oh my god, I’m a gangster’s moll…..”
(yes Teach, for the record,  I did try and compare Mrs B with a half blind garden destroyer, before she edited it out)

I’m just glad he didn’t call Mrs B as a witness. She says policemen make her feel guilty and so she would probably have blurted out something incriminating. The last time she was stopped by the police they were enquiring about her rear light that was not working:

Mrs B - “Oh, yes I know about that.”
The officer was so shocked at her honesty he just told her to get it fixed….Just as well she didn’t confess to other crimes - like having an inconsiderate husband, who should have changed the light for her but had forgotten...... 

In case any one was wandering what the origins of the fuzz as a term for police was.....
Although "the fuzz" is not a phrase encountered in common parlance, it appears to have originated in the U.S. in the 1920s. It was a pretty popular slang term among "underground types" in the '30s. As is the case with many word origin issues, there are several theories but no definitive answer for your question. Here are some of the more widespread theories on the origins of "the fuzz":

"Fuzz" is derived from "fuss" because police officers are fussy or hard to please.
or
It's a reference to the beards that police officers sported at the time.
or
It's a slurred pronunciation of the exclamation "Feds."

So there you have it -- the fuzzy origins of "the fuzz."

Thanks to Yahoo for this tip bit of none information

Horse racing and Razorlight
I’m not a huge fan of horse racing in general, certainly not on the old goggle box, but at an actual race course it makes a bit more sense. As we had been a bit delayed, thank you Officer, the race meet was well underway leaving us with a choice -

Eat first or place a bet.

We went for food as the queues for betting were massive. It turned out to be a good choice because as we sat down for a meal a floating bookie appeared and asked us if we wanted to place a bet.

Result!

Or at least it might have been if we had been any good at betting…….

For our first bet I wanted to go for the “Ollie the Octopus” style of betting (The Wold Cup predicting Octopus, that basically went for the brightest team colours) – while Mrs B wanted to go for the ”Sounds familiar” style of betting. I didn’t have the courage of my convictions so we bet on Deacon Blue (Now that sounds familiar), the 11/10 favourite, which romped home behind the 9/1 outsider in the bright yellow colours….Grrrrr that would have paid for our evening….Oh, well.

After this we opted for the Ollie style of betting and watched our choices fall further and further behind the winner of each subsequent race….the brighter the colours the lower the race position. Shame we weren’t betting on losers we would have been rich. Watching all these losers gives you loads of time to think and I came up with a genius idea to make horse racing more exciting. Why not have the horses change their shoes part way through the race? Start off with standard flat metal shoes and then go for 9" stilettos for the final few furlongs.  Now, how exciting would that be ...?  Apparently a number of young ladies had had a similar idea and tottered precariously around the course in evident support of this. Ladies - grass and stilettos are not a match made in heaven, leave it to the horses they are professional and paid for that sort of thing....

The combined ticket for racing and a concert certainly made for an interesting crowd. Some well dressed wrinklies had absolutely no idea about rock concert etiquette. Part way through the gig I got a huge dig in the ribs and turned around to find a little old lady glaring at me:

Little old lady – “You are blocking my view”
She didn't even have the decency to say "Young man"

Me – “Give me a break, this is a concert I’m meant to be blocking your way…”

For the record Razorlight were brilliant, as usual, and despite my bruised ribs I still managed to enjoy the performace  – very little chat just pure rock and roll perfection….

A record of the week
Appropriate music to accompany this week BlackLOG

"Caught by the Fuzz" – Supergrass
"Mind Games" – John Lennon
and various Razorlight songs including

"I Fall to Pieces" - Mr Borrell has clearly had a run in with the traffic police, at sometime in his life...

I was tempted to include "I Fought the Law" - The Clash
but decided it was not appropriate, as in this particular instance the law clearly did not win....

Enjoy....If you happen to be reading this after the song order has changed you can find all the songs on the Ipod shaped jukebox at the top of the blog. Just select the arrow to the left of the song title and you will get the full list of tracks that have been loaded.....

Photo finish

Yes that's the 9-1 we didn't back, leading Deacon Blue

which we did.  Lesson learned don't back obscure

90's Scottish pop bands....

Bright enough colours for us to back it,

yet dumb enough to be running in the

wrong direction....

We honestly would not have put

money on it if we had known....

Ok, we probably still would have.... 

Jonny Borrell - Lead singer of Razorlight

3 out of 4 ain't bad, not sure where the other one went?

David Sullivan-Kaplan "Skully" - Drummer, if you

had not already worked it out...

'I go to pieces'

"Honestly officer, it was 77 tops..."

Bjorn Argen - Lead guitar and Swede

My attempt at an arty shot, don't complain

I could have posted 100's of pictures

this week...

Carl Gustaf Dalemo - Bass guitar and the other

50% of the Swedish Razorlight contingent...

The one without the silly hat....Still that's no

excuse not to get a hair-cut..

Johnny decided not to look into the policeman's eye

opting for a more coy defensive position....

Catch you next week...have a good one

Dragons, beasts and trampolines

La Bete
Showing true ignorance of the French language I had no idea what this play was all about when I booked it - I just wanted to see David Hyde Pierce (he played Niles in the sitcom Frasier) and Joanna Lumley (Ab Fab) live on stage. I would like to try and make up for my ignorance of our closest neighbour's language and appear more sophisticated by adding Mark Rylance to the reasons for seeing La Bête but to be honest Mrs B had to tell me who he was. (He's only one of the UK’s finest Shakespearian actors - apparently my ignorance knows no bounds.)

The play is a comedy written in iambic pentameter - in layman’s terms a sort of rhyming couplet. Sounds terrible but it actually worked.  Mark Rylance was brilliant, giving a 30 minute diatribe that was jaw-droppingly awesome as well as side-stitchingly funny. We all know that person who talks and talks to the point where they are holding up all sides of the conversation with no help from anyone. The only effort for them is running interference to ensure that no one manages to break into their exclusive world. Sadly, the person sat next to me in the audience did not appear to get it (she was probably the type of person that Mr Rylance was portraying in the play). I think she was waiting for the interval to make her escape - only there was no interval. It was a one act play. I can’t think of any other play that I have ever been to that does not have an interval. Isn’t that where they make the money to keep theatres going these days? Just as well we didn’t order interval drinks, as we so nearly did. How embarrassing would that have been?  Since Le Bete lasted for over 2 hours we didn’t feel short changed.

David Hyde Pierce did a brilliant job as the person attempting to join in the conversation but not getting the chance, understated brilliance like someone tying to get into fast-flowing traffic, inching forward, inching forward but then quickly having to reverse back under an onslaught of juggernaut style vocabulary….

As for Joanna Lumley, well she was Joanna Lumley only in bare feet and wearing some pyjamary type clothing (no idea why)…

For those of you whose French is as poor as mine it turns out the play title might just become the perfect alter ego for The Beast…

Strada – restaurant
After the theatre we decided rather than wander around aimlessly for hours, trying to find a restaurant (which generally turns out to be the worst choice in 100 miles) we thought we would save all the trailing about and opted for the nearest place.  I thought we had accidently walked into one of those eat in the dark restaurants, the lighting was so low even my 20/19 eyesight was tested to its limits. My next thought was that the restaurant was either trying to be green or attempting to save money but it turned out they were just trying to hide how average the food was……It’s good to know that we don’t have to search hi and low to find true mediocrity, it just comes naturally to us.

Alter ego’s
Our friend Lisa was discussing how, if you create an alternative personality for yourself, you can get away with murder.

Her alter ego is Scarlet and only makes an appearance when Lisa has had too much to drink (if that’s the case I’m not sure I have ever actually met Lisa).  This allows Lisa to feel guilt free the following morning as she asks questions like

“So what exactly did Scarlet do last night?” 

The only problem is that Lisa now gets some invites with strict instructions that Scarlet is not allowed and if she does turn up Lisa has to escort her home….

I think Mrs B may have a number of Alter ego’s including :-

Film Flop Fanny or should that be Nodding Nora? Mrs B is almost guaranteed to be drifting into lala land before the start credits have faded on most films. There are a few exceptions to this, including Julie and Julia and Meet Joe Black where Mrs B becomes transfixed to the point where conversation is not allowed. At this point she becomes Miss Do Not Disturb….

The Countessa – One thing about Mrs B is that she gets competitive, ultra competitive. Pity any children that end up playing a game with her, she will wipe the floor with them. This competitive streak can extend to arguments.  As a couple this is probably our biggest weakness, Mrs B’s inability to admit when she is wrong.  Now I’m not saying I’m never wrong, I’m frequently wrong and mostly happy to put my hand up when I am (it actually forms an integral part of my keep-fit regime), which leaves me with a dogged determination to make Mrs B The Countessa admit when she’s wrong.  Fortunately we both get bored before the argument goes all terminal on our relationship....

The Grouch – Until Mrs B gets the first cup of tea in the morning it’s like dealing with a bear with a sore head.

The Editor -  In this mode Mrs B has even been known to try and correct the grammar on my text messages. Occasionally the Editor gets crossed with the Grouch (A sort of Greditor or possibly Edouch) after I make late changes to the BlackLOG and send it out with out editorial approval...
Indeed Mrs B is infact an alter ego in her own right, so clearly I'm dealing with multi personalities here.....

I was just wondering if The Beast could adopt a similar approach to life…if he ever gets caught taking pictures where he shouldn’t he could simply claim to be La Bete (the Beast's French cousin) and claim ignorance of English law….One thing with having an Alter Ego or two, I suspect there is probably a very thin line between it and being diagnosed as a schizophrenic.

Anyone else out there want to admit to an alter ego?

Ferrari track day
Thanks to my friend Mark I got taken on Ferrari track day. He owns a 340 or is it a 430? If only Mark had been a dentist it would have been easy to work out which Ferrari he would have. Obviously it would be a 2:30….(apologies, some of you might have to lower your humour radar for this one).  The only thing is I’m actually not a big fan of these phallic symbols of male lackingness. As I wandered around with The Beast (OK, OK, so I’m a fine one to talk about phallic cymbology, but I can assure you that The Beast and I are purely a working relationship) I may have hurt some macho feelings of some of these boys with their expensive toys, apparently comments such as:

“When are they going to bring out some decent cars to photograph……”

“These super cars are all very well but they are not like a proper car….”

and

"Do these come in Diesel?" - I'm sure I saw one guy turn away and wipe tears of pain from his eyes at that remark ,,,,,

In short  the comments didn't go down that well, sending many of them scurrying back to their Ferrari Tosseroffers (or whatever the model they were driving) to put in some adrenalin-fuelled laps, in an attempt to get over the fact that someone was not salivating (I guess it helps with the polishing) all over their pride and joys….

For the record being driven around the track by Mark, who acts as an instructor on these Ferrari track days, was exhilarating - but it hasn’t changed my mind that they are still a huge waste of money….

Trampolines
I got a lot of grief from Mrs B after I wheezed my way off the trampoline at Mala’s birthday party (I’m way too much of a gentleman to mention her actual age but let’s just say she won’t see her 20’s again…..) . I was taunted by comments such as "Pathetic Mr B" and "McG is fitter than you".

It was a very much quieter Mrs B that flopped off after her go and sat stunned in a chair for a good 20 minutes as she fought to recover.  Not sure why a trampoline takes it out of you so much, especially as it appears to be doing all the work.  You certainly didn’t see the trampoline leaning against the fence and saying breathlessly “It’s OK, I’ll be alright in a minute….Cough, cough, wheeze….”

Dragons Den
At a management meeting at work they had a sort of Dragons Den competition.

We were split into groups and given a topic and then had to come up with an idea and pitch it to a number of our Partners. As my group selected my idea to pitch, I was shuffled forward to do the presentation…..

Things did not go well as the person that pitched in front of me had taken about 75% of  our ideas, so I spent most of the allotted time commenting about how it felt like being in a singing competition and finding the person before you had just sung your song….

Still the Dragons must have liked the other 25% of the pitch as they selected us as the winners. Either that or they took my threat to sing seriously (believe me you don’t want to hear that, even our shower has hreatened to take out a restraining order against me). 

The prize: a meal out at a new London restaurant….sounds good only I can’t take Mrs B and our hosts for the evening will be the Dragons who want to spend the evening discussing the idea. So not the Ipad that I was hoping for then…..

Anyone for burnt toast……

Health food update
Over a week since the healthy option food was put out at work and still no one has touched it. In fact people seem to be giving it a wide birth. Even the cleaners and security guards who normally snaffle anything left out overnight aren’t interested…..Perhaps I’ve discovered the secret of everlasting food…..I’m going to leave it to see if it can make its own way out of the office….

Appropriately inappropriate
 This week's blog themed music selection - I'm afraid it's gone a bit heavy

The number of the beast - Iron Maiden
Jump - Van Halen

Photo finish

I can't believe this guy paid all that money and

still can't get all his head into the car....

I do hope he sticks to the pit lane speed limit....

I'm not sure that this counts as a Ferrari, In

my view you can have a Ferrari in any colour

that you want as long as it's red.... 

You can almost smell the testosterone....

Disappointingly making vroom, vroom, noises

doesn't make the car go any faster, but it does

annoy the hell out of the designated  driver...

I don't care how much you have had to drink Scarlet,

 put your clothes back on and go find Lisa...

Mala counting the days till she 

gets her free bus pass...

My audition for the remake of "Picnic at

Hanging Rock" went fairly well, but I could

 not see how my character was going to

make it beyond the first scene.

I really should not have had that

second helpings of Baked Beans.....

Thankfully I had taken the precaution

of using a reinforced gusset….

I think the Countessa may have sawn through

the edges of the Jenga bricks on her way

to yet another dodgy victory.....

Look into my eyes, look into

my eyes, you are feeling very

sleepy......Mrs B is going

to win....Mrs B is going to win

Stay down Mala,The Countessa  has

come over all hyper competitive.....

The new Nikon 105mm Macro lens gets an outing.

Waiter :- There are a couple of fly's on my lens....

Isn't that Jeff Goldblum?

Scarlet the wasp....

"Ooops, I only popped in for an ickle

 dwinky poo and now the bottles empty...".

Is this a magic wasp?

 It appear to have been cut in half

but  still manages to get away from

Paul Daniels and Debbie Mcgee. 

Catch you all next week....

Inappropriate probes, birthdays and fake Beatles

The Medical
Every three years I get a medical through work to make sure I’m healthy and eating properly (like that’s going to happen….) They do various tests - eyes, heart, posture etc…

Eyesight
Sad to say that my 20/20 vision has slipped to 20/19. My left eye has obviously been a girly swat, up all night cramming for the test while my right eye has been out partying…. Fortunately I still don’t need glasses* but please don’t get offended if you are standing on my right and I appear to blank you, I either didn’t see you or don’t like you….. Harsh but I think you will agree, fair....

* So the plan to keep away from glasses until I’m into my 50’s is still on. Not as exciting as world domination but it’s a goal…

Posture
Damn this one, didn’t go so well. Last time I got “average” across the board while now I got “excellent”….Damn, damn, damn - no excuse I simply have to keep up the Yoga. I made the mistake of mentioning it to my Yogaress and I’m suddenly a shining example of what Yoga can do for you…..despite the fact I still can’t touch my toes after two years of trying....

This weeks yoga one Liner

Yogress - "The next pose will be intense...."

Me - "Oh, goody are we going camping?"

Yogress - One extreme death glare later

Me - "I guess that would be a big fat no then...."

Liver
This one was interesting. I had some flags against my liver test which indicated I was either drinking too much or carrying too much weight…sadly as I don’t drink I can’t hide behind that one and so have to face the fact that I need to lose some weight….McG, move over - it looks like I’m joining you at weight watchers.

I feel a bit hurt in that I workout about 4 to 5 times a week (Yoga, X-biking and body balance) and the doctor was still trying to flog me a little cycle machine which sits under your desk at work or in front of the TV so you can work out at work and while you relax….

Probe
Oh no, I’ve reached “that age” where you have to start thinking about your nether regions….It was bad enough when they just counted your nuts, in a “way too hands on” approach that I am truly uncomfortable with. So when some great big burly doctor puts his rubber gloves on and tells you to bend over and relax….

Relax?!!!!!

In what universe did he think that saying relax would have the desired effect…..?

I'm not sure who yelped loudest, me or the Doc, who was, quite frankly, lucky to get his finger back in one piece. I would also like to publicly apologise to Mischief after I had a go at her for biting the vet a few years ago after a thermometer was unceremoniously shoved where the sun does not shine. I would like to assure her that I now whole-heartedly support her actions and if all works out with Yoga and I get enough flexibility in these old joints I will be turning round and biting the doc as well.

I can just imagine myself in court in the future, charged with GBH:

Judge – “So what did the Doc do to deserve this treatment?”

Me – “He shoved his finger into an inappropriate area”

Judge – “…and did he say anything to provoke you?”

Me – “Yes,the bastard told me to relax…. “

Judge – “Case dismissed…”

One thing I’m really glad about is that if you fail one of the tests you don’t have to retake the lot.... So in six weeks time I get another blood test to check my liver**, …and it will be at least three years before I get probed again. Loads of time to work on my flexibility and to sharpen my teeth…

** I wonder - if I start drinking can I avoid having to go on a diet and blame the drink instead?

Birthday weekend
Yes it's that time of year again
If you are interested in my age that’s a three part answer:

Mental – around about 10, on a good day
Body – at times it feels like about 60, on a better day
Actual age - somewhere in-between…

Birthday trip - Bootleg Beatles Kew Gardens
Yet another great venue and the closest we can get to seeing the Beatles live, The Bootleg Beatles have been playing live since 1980 which, at 30 years, is more than three times the length that the Beatles were together as the Fab Four. They are great fun to watch but as a huge Beatles fan I could not keep myself from thinking :-

• Bootleg McCartney is playing the bass right handed….No No No, just so wrong
• Bootleg Harrison was far more talkative than Bootleg Lennon….Harrison wasn’t known as the quiet one for nothing….
• Bootleg Starr was so squeaky he managed to make Real Ringo sound like a proper singer
• They are so old it was like watching the Rolling Stones….

How to make sure your birthday cakes don’t get eaten to quickly
We have a tradition in the office that on your birthday you bring in goodies for everyone to share, This year I sent out the following email to my work Colleagues

----------------------------------------------------------------------

In honour of my birthday I have purchased cakes (I felt this was a slightly better option than being arrested (again……) for attempting to poison half the floor with my lack of culinary skills) – I have even brought in said cakes and placed them alluringly (rather like Rab C Nesbit in a 12 week old vest) on the cabinet next to my desk. Don’t leave any - they will only go to waste or even worse, to my waist......

Top tip of the day (thanks to Marjorie Doors for this one….)
If you are on a diet just cut your cake in half…. Then you can eat twice as much and only use the same number of calories…..P.S bring your own knife….

Warning
My apologies but there are some vaguely healthy options included in the selection, as I attempt to eat healthily through you…..
You should be able to tell which are the healthy options, by monitoring which cakes are selected. The ones that are left at the end are the healthy ones…

If you find you have accidently eaten one of these “Healthy Options” try not to panic but take the packaging and make your way to the local hospital…..I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention the source…..

Good luck, these cakes will self destruct shortly after you have eaten them….

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the record not one of the slightly healthy options were touched, so the office stomach pump was not required…..

Birthday BBQ
Thanks to all the friends who showed up at my Birthday BBQ and let me attempt to poison them again with burnt offerings. No reported casualties, so far, but I’ve not given up hope yet. I think they only came for the desserts which is provided by Mrs B - Summer Pudding and Pavlova. Yummy almost worth getting older for….

The perfect Birthday present
I don’t know how Mrs B does it, managing to get me the perfect gift
Was it the subtle hints I left….?
The magazines left open on the appropriate page….
Or possibly that I ordered it myself and left it for her to wrap…?
Whatever, it’s a big thank you to Mrs B for once again getting me the perfect birthday present
A Nikon 105MM macro lens….
Hang on a second - that wasn’t for me that was for The Beast…….
……..So where’s my present?

Appropriately inappropriate
 - this weeks music selection - think of it like a fine wine that goes with your meal but with out any chance of getting drunk or fat....

Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Doctor Doctor - Thompson Twins

Excuse me while I walk off into the sunset,  like John Wayne (bloody doctors) and hope to catch you next week....

Photo Finish

Fake Paul - it's not big and it's not clever.....Stop mucking

about and put the bass guitar on the right (which should

be the left) side 

Fake Sgt Lennon, does his impression of a

cheese eating surrender monkey.... 

Fake Harrison ended up talking more than our

 friend Mala....so much for being the "quiet one"

Paul is a lefty and George never played in the middle,

all sorts of geographical errors going on here......

It's almost like the England manager picked the group

and has once again played them out of position....

 The Glass House at Kew Gardens, makes

for an excellent concert backdrop....

 

Yogaress -  "Please sir can I have some more.....?"

 I'm sorry but that looks suspiciously like a tent to me

and I should know, I put it up......

 

I'm not sure if Craig was listening to my probe story

 or was actually being probed himself?

Vinnie looking a bit worried. I think it might have been 

down to his fear of getting lost on the way home.

Incidentally Vinnie did go get lost turning right out of

 our drive instead of left.  There were a number of

reports of him roaming the area late into the

night trying to get off our development...... 

Mrs B provides a dessert that you would

not be ashamed to grow old with....

Good effort from Al this year, not only did she

 arrive within seconds of the time that the  food

was served but went all green on us and

cycled to the party..... 

Bloggers block

Despite a week in which our tumble dryer was violated in a most horrible and unexpected way* and a trip down to the coast where I unveiled the world worst windbreak, which turned out to be more like a crap kite really. A week in which I managed to lose (to be honest mislaid would be a better term) my wallet, my keys, Mrs B’s Keys, the TV remote, a quilt cover**  and evidently my blogging Mojo (the jury is currently out on whether I had one in the first place) . I’m not sure if it’s the heat or what but this week I’ve got nothing……

* If a tumble dryer could show surprise this would have been one shocked looking machine but sadly todays white goods always look like they have had way too much Botox and can only manage a blank expressionless stare.

** A challenge even for me as I managed to lose it between the bed and the un-violated washing machine....

Week’s music choice
Lost – Coldplay
I would have liked to have found a Country & Western song about how my tumble dryer was violated and my dog ran off with my life but as I said it’s been one of those weeks. I bet you next week I will find exactly the song I needed for this week....

Photo finish
Thankfully I managed to take some pictures to pad out this week's blog. We’ve got The Bootleg Beatles at Kew and my Birthday BBQ coming up so hopefully I might have something for you soon. It would also be nice to think I can fill in the gaps from this week, I mean who isn’t a little bit intrigued to find out a bit more about the violated tumble dryer? I know I am......

McG - less than happy about the tumble dryer

incident.....No he didn't violate it and for the

record neither did Mischief....

Some attempted arty wave shots

Is it shaving cream or meringue?

leaving me uncertain if I should shave the

raspberries or just eat them as they are....

If only I had thought to bring some dwarf surfers

I could have got some great shots of them

riding the pipe....

This could almost be a Guiness advert....

It's frothy man.....I do hope that it's not

a sign of polution.....

The far end of Southwold beach is great as it opens up

allows dogs and has free parking. I really don't know why

most of the muppets crowd up the other end ....

But I'm glad they do.....

No idea what type of dog this is but I'm guessing from

the way it moved it was either a "Lounger Hound"

or possibly a "Lollop Dog"......

Oiy, I think that surfer has

nicked our windbreak....

Kite surfing at Southwold, there must be

easier ways to pull your arms off....

I don't know why but I like this shot of a seagull

flying away.  If you look closley it is

carrying  my Blogging MoJo....