It’s been a bit hectic since our return from skiing with the following events all in quick succession:
Kylie – O2
The Pigeon Detectives – Cambridge Junction
The Feeling – Heaven
The Children’s Hour – Comedy Theatre
That’s without taking into account a trip up to Lincolnshire to help celebrate our friend Hugh’s 50th birthday
Kylie
Can I make this clear from the outset? Going to see Kylie was Mrs B’s idea, after our friends Lisa (Tourettes Girl) and Phil (Daddy Duck) had mentioned they were going. While I can tolerate Kylie and even have some of her music, I just can’t see past her as the girl next door (all be it one with a very nice bum…..Hmmm can’t think of any neighbours who get even close on that front - certainly not Madge Bishop or Mrs Mangle, although a certain Charlene Mitchell probably runs her close*). Now I’m not saying she doesn’t have a certain amount of talent, in a “singing karaoke style and dancing like your favourite arthritic granny” way…..Yet I am clearly in the minority. The O2 was full of her adoring, tone deaf, fear of fast movement, fans.
* Please note this a Neighbours in-joke, which (not being a fan) I had to rely on Wikipedia to fill in the details….Honest.
Now I can’t fault the actual stage show, with its camp Roman-Greco theme, which was amazing. Our Italian friend Vinny (a last minute substitute for our Indian friend Mala) asked me :-
Vinny :- “Whyy arrre there soo maany semi-naked men on de stage?”
Me :- “You’re kidding me?”
Vinny :- “…and soo maany men holdin de hands in de audience?”
Me :- “Didn’t you realise that Kylie is a huge gay Icon?”
Vinny :- “Nooooo…. ….Mala never told me thees ”
He went quiet for a while after that….if he was shocked at Kylie’s fan base it is just as well he didn’t come to see the Scissor Sisters, who have a much more radical and proactive gay following….
The stage and production was in truth 100% Las Vegas style over the top brilliance and while the Kylster was off stage, undergoing one of her many costume changes, the dancers got to athletically strut their stuff …..until Kylie tottered back on stage. It was as if clear treacle had been poured onto the dancers and they slowed down to match Kylie’s pedestrian pace. While this proved less than impressive from a visual perspective, it had an unexpected benefit, especially when combined with Kylie’s constant need to be in the spotlight. It made for some terrific photo opportunities. At times it was like being in a well-lit studio with the opportunity to take still life pictures…. You can judge for yourself in the Photo finish section….
The big question of the day was what time would Mrs B make the show? Her previous record is halfway through the main act , when she only got to see 50% of the Hoosiers….In an early indication, I was informed that there was a bit of a panic on at work but since the absolute final dead line was 10pm to get something out the door she had hopes she would at least catch a bit of the show…
The clock is ticking - Mrs B’s desk is about 10 mins from the O2 (OK, 15 minutes - Mrs B has short legs)
8.00pm
Mrs B’s text message – “Is she on yet?”
Me text message – “No”
8.47pm
Mrs B’s text message – “Is she on yet?”
Me text message – “Just come on”
10:30pm
Mrs B’s text message - “Is she still on?”
Me text message – “Yes”
11.oopm
Me text message – “Would you like me to pick you up?”
Mrs B’s text message – “Yes, please…Sorry.”
So Mrs B didn’t even get to see the human fountain that was Kylie’s triumphant finale.
Just as well I had a confused Vinnie, Lisa and Phil to keep me company, although they were less than impressed in my failure to fall under their heroine’s beguiling spell. I just hope Mrs B does not want to go to the next Kylie show, I’m not sure I could take it and I’m not sure Vinnie would agree to be a substitute for a second time….
Pigeon Detectives
A Tuesday night in Cambridge, so absolutely no chance of Mrs B making it. So Joe (Stunt Cock) took on the role of keeping me company. Even at the tender age of 23 I think he felt a bit old, with much of the audience being made up of what looked like the remnants of a school trip…. the ones that get left at the school gates because their parents have enjoyed the quiet life while they have been away and could not be bothered to pick them up again afterwards. The more forward-thinking parents even took the opportunity to move house without leaving a forwarding address….
For those of you with good memories, the Pigeon Detectives were the group we tried to see in December, when they were supporting James. We failed to see them when we got stuck in a horrendous traffic jam (probably the good people of Brixton attempting to get away from James) and got to hear just the final chord of their set and caught a glimpse of the backs of their heals as they exited to rapturous applause. That chord sounded so good that I was determined to try and see them again as soon as possible, and I’m glad that I did.
The lead singer Matt Bowman is fairly manic and almost shouts the lyrics but he did his own version of the Kylie Fountain finale, which was about 1 millionth** of the cost (one bottle of water 99p, then think fire-eater only without the flame) but almost as effective. In these austere times of economic belt-tightening it’s difficult to argue against it, unless you get very picky and stomp off down the health and safety route, playing the unhygienic card….
** Yes I know you have told me a million times to stop exaggerating
The Feeling
At last I managed to winkle Mrs B out of work at a semi-sensible hour, even having time for a quick bite to eat. We sacrificed seeing the support act but from the few minutes we saw of him it was no great loss…
Heaven is a great venue, situated under the arches of Charing Cross Station and ordinarily a little small for a group like the Feeling, but having been on a break for a few years they were taking the opportunity to try out some new songs from their forthcoming album. As a reward they also played a number of their old favourites….for £15 a ticket this has to be one of the bargains of the year… The only down side, a bit of a disaster from a photographic point of view as the performance seemed to be mainly back lit – not something you can complain about when strictly speaking you should probably not actually be taking pictures…..
The Children’s Hour
Starring Kiera Knightly and Elisabeth Moss (Zoey Bartlet in the West Wing and Peggy Olson in Madmen). This certainly puts to bed the rumour that KK can’t act or that she vanishes when seen (or should that be unseen) side on….The play heavily relies on the audience having a sense of righteous anger at the injustice metered out to two women, Karen (Keira) and Martha (Elisabeth) who set up and run a girls’ boarding school in 1930s New England. One of their students, Mary (Bryony Hannah in things I have never heard of before) is a truly detestable diminutive sphere of nastiness, who I genuinely loathed from almost the moment she sauntered onto the stage. I hope for Bryony’s sake she is a good actress and she is not just Ray Winstoning it (i.e. just playing herself…) I have come across way too many manipulative people in my life to have any sympathy for any of them – although McG can be quite manipulative when he wants a head rub but he is so cute when he does it (except when it is 3am and he gets his claw accidently trapped in my nostril….)
I can honestly say my sense of injustice went through the roof. Although much of this was not down to the plot line or acting skills but more to do with smoking, yes smoking on stage in an indoor venue….Sitting in the second row, while great for seeing the expressions of the actor and being showered with bits of broken pottery (Life is so unfair, Mrs B gets covered in Rob Lowe spit while I get broken pottery….Where was my KK spittle???) but paying a small fortune to be immersed in clouds of smoke (even if some of it was KK smoke***) is not my idea of fun.
*** Sorry KK as beautiful as you are, as a smoker you and I have no future….…No young lady, crying doesn’t work on me, you should have thought about that before doing your ‘Ivor the Engine’ impression in my face…. In fact I even withdraw my previous request for your tobacco-stained spittle….
Although I have never smoked, having spent what seems like most of my childhood trapped in a smoke-filled car****, a result of my mother being the original Fag Ash Lil***** I may as well have. This has left me with an anti-smoking zeal equal to and perhaps beyond those of a reformed smoker. To paraphrase the great Adam Ant “Don’t drink, don’t smoke what do I do?” Apparently I moan a lot about smoking….I guess I’m not so worried about you drinkers as long as you follow three simple rules, don’t run me down, throw up on me or call me in for an intimate conversation and then burp alcoholic fumes in my face….Not necessarily in that order….
**** My father only compounded the problem by insisting on going everywhere at a steady 55mph, as he experimented with fuel economy. The result was more of my life trapped in the smoke-filled environment, about 1p a year saved in fuel cost and choruses of “Oh Dad can’t we go any faster?” “Are we there yet?” “Are we there yet?” from my sister and me in the back seat…We had learned years before not to bother asking Mother to stop smoking, as this would only result in her wafting even more smoke in our general direction when she turned around to tell us “No she couldn’t….”
***** She still claims today that she never inhales, just puffs on the damn thing, which rather un-settlingly left the rest of us to do the inhaling for her….
I understand smoking is allowed in a West End play if it is deemed essential to the plot but I fail to see how it was essential for this particular play. Yes the play is set in the 1930’s but I’m pretty sure that it is not essential to see chain smoking to work this out….If the play was about lung cancer then I guess you could put an argument for it…
While I’m at it are they trying to snigger behind our backs ….? A story about the ruination of people, through lies, being performed at the Comedy Theatre…? As good a play as it was (well, what I could see of it through the billowing smoke that is), it was hardly going to be a bundle of laughs…..
Some leftover’s from last week
Shouted by Tourettes girl, from the chairlift – “Oh my god there’s a one-legged skier down there….”
Cannonball – “Yes but it looks like he has two perfectly good ears….”
The almost surprise present....
Before we went skiing Mrs B and I had popped into a local jewellers to sort out a present for Tourettes Girl, who was also celebrating her birthday on the ski holiday… A few minutes later a loud, booming voice declared that he needed to buy some Lovelink charms as a surprise present for a friend….
I managed to catch Stunt Cock’s (Joe’s) eye and he rather lamely and unconvincingly finished with:
“.....of my girlfriend, who I don’t really know….” I think he might have also fidgeted his feet, like a five year old with his hand caught in the cookie jar….
Mrs B piped up – “Oooo, I’ve always wanted one of those…” digging me in the ribs with her elbow “Hint…hint” but was fortunately so distracted by sorting out the present for Lisa and the big diamond ring the manager of the shop was rather speculatively waving in front of her, that she did not twig Joe was actually trying to buy her birthday present….
Blog of War
Then there were 5 (possibly 6)
- Penwasser Place
- Talkative Taurus
- Kitkat's Tales
- Lost.in.Idaho
- and I guess me who only qualified because I live here.
Show me the sunny
Monitoring our way to a fortune (or not) with our Solar Panels
(good news we have had a 3% rise as from the beginning of April)
KW Produced so far – 678
KW generated in the week – 97
This has earned us approximately – £331 (Including savings estimated at £37 where we have used our own energy)
Of which £175 has been paid out so far…
Record of the week
Slow by Kylie - An approprita song for the little lady, file under eye candy only
I'm not sorry by the Pigeon Detectives
Love it when you call by The Feeling
Smoke gets in your eyes by Judy Garland - Thanks Guys
Photo Finish
Not wanting to risk attempting to smuggle The Beast into any of the gigs, it is way too stressful – I probably could have managed it at the Pigeon Detectives but no chance at Kylie or The Feeling, the Mega Mini Beast (just about slips into a jacket pocket) takes centre stage….. It certainly suffers a bit in low lighting but I’m delighted with the 24mm - 600mm zoom facility….
I did manage to get MMB into “The Children’s Hour” but being in the second row it would have made it a bit obvious if I had whipped it out, so just sat back and enjoyed the show, well the bits in-between gagging on cigarette smoke….
Kylie attempting the rather awkward
Microphone swallowing dodge…
Unfortunately she didn’t manage it
and so carried on warbling….
Welcome to Las Vegas....Just leave all your money
in the slot machines and your dignity at the door....
Put that Kylie down, you don't know where it's been....
I'm not even sure if Boney M.would have risked
their already dodgy artistic reputation with this stunt.
Warning – especially for any Canadian readers
out there, controversial statement coming up,
you may wish to skip the next line....
I actually prefer the Boney M version of “Heat of Gold” to the
Neil Young original…
sorry but its true
Kylie "I've been framed I tell you...."
Kylie during her failed “Steps” audition
It was a close run thing as to who gave the more static
performance, Kylie or the statue of Pegasus?
Kylie doing a Joan Rivers impression
"I'm a bit bored now, you don't mind if
I go for a bit a swim do you?"
Kylie preparing for the wet T-shirt competition -
a big thank you to Matt Bowman of the Pigeon Detectives
for providing the water spouts....
For gods sake who let Kiera Knightly, Elisabeth Moss
and the rest of the Children's Hour cast into see Kylie?
The Pigeon Detectives
"Turn Out The Lights"
Matt Bowman - lead vocals of the Pigeon
I bet you wish they had turned out the lights....
Dan Gillespie Sells lead singer of The feeling
Stop me if you have heard this one before....
Dan Gillespie Sells -"Hands up if you frequent
Heaven when it's a night club...."
The Feeling
"Love it when you call....or even just leave a message"
Hope to catch you next week have a good easter and don't let the damn bunny nick all your eggs.
