Monday 9 July 2012

Is that a Blog in your inbox or are you just pleased to see me?

I have to apologise for the extended break after my 200th blog. I would like to claim that it was due to excessive partying,  in celebration of such a momentous event but in fact has been down to a combination of work load at the day job, being the official photographer at my first proper wedding (a number of times they called for the “official photographer” and I had to stop myself peering  round to see where he had got to...), our Wildlife tour of Scotland (an absolute explosion of furry animals from across the border, leading to even more photos to sort through.... ) and last but not least my Olympic training .... which sounds very grand and important but I have to admit does not actually involve me preparing for any sporting events, not even the 100 metres – I have my dreams of course -  

Making the 100 metres final and drawing alongside Usain Bolt, just at the point where he smugly looks sideways at what he expects to be the customary empty track.... his look of horror is something to behold as he stutters to a holt a thoroughly beaten man.... As I collect my gold medal I give thanks to Mr Pistorius for the lone of his springy legs*, which indecently also go on to bring me Gold in the high jump and a creditable but ultimately disappointing 4th in the hop skip and jump – one of the legs buckles at the crucial moment and my dreams of an Olympic track and field triple crash in an explosion of sand and cat pee (Damn you McG – I told him not to use the sand pit.....) .  What did you really expect?  This is BlackLOG which ultimately ends in some kind of disappointment....

* On the subject of artificial aids** I wonder if my fellow Olympic swimmers would mind if I fixed an outboard motor to my budgie smugglers, in order not to be left behind – after all, my current swimming times make Eric the Eel look like a potential Olympic champion...

** Personally I’m not a fan – It’s great that it allows disabled people to compete at the Paralympics but if the sock was on the other ear, would I be allowed to enter the Paralympics if I turned up with an in growing toenail  or a slight paper cut (don’t scoff they can be bloody painful)? ....I don’t think so.

..... back to reality (or as real as I ever manage).  My Olympic training involves :-
  • Being taught to be nice to people (not as easy as it looks, especially when they have tickets for all the events you would have liked to have seen) by not sending them in the wrong direction when they ask how to get to an Olympic events.
  • Showing them the nearest toilet without claiming that women wear the trousers around here and men like to wear kilts.
  • Smiling inanely,  especially when asked awkward questions like “What time is it?”....... apparently, “Time you got a new watch” is not an acceptable Olympic Ambassador response (Who knew?)....
And
  • Not lumping anyone when they laugh at the ludicrous pink and purple uniforms that us volunteers are being forced to wear*** – Yes it is important to stand out but do we have to look like escapees from an LSD induced fashion accident?
*** If we were criminals we would have rights, one of which would be to refuse to wear the uniform but as volunteers we appear to have less say than plankton in a heated debate with a blue whale.....

Record of the week


America  by Razorlight (Live Earth 2007)
Dodecahedron by Beth Jeans Houghton:
Silenced By The Night by Keane
I Will Return by Beth Jeans Houghton:
Golden Touch by Razorlight
Sweet Tooth Bird by Beth Jeans Houghton & The Hooves Of Destiny

Photo finish

I shall finish with a couple of musical events that we attended recently - Keane at the Brixton Academy and Razorlight playing in the open air at Thetford Forest.

Keane 
I discovered that as an O2 customer you can jump to the front of the queue at 02 sponsored venues, although for all the checking they did I’m surprised that everyone didn’t just jump to the front....apart from Mrs B who arrived fashionably late – just as Keane came on stage... She’s like a wild bird that turns up just as the food is put out...  



Richard Hughes

"Can't stop now"
from "Under the iron sea - 2006"

Tom Chaplin

"Nothing In My Way"
from
"Under the Iron sea - 2006"

"Perfect Symmetry"
from   "Perfect Symmetry 2008"

"Watch How You Go"
from "Strangeland 2012"

Razorlight
A couple of discoveries at Thetford :-

Norfolk people might be really friendly but have no idea about encores.... the curfew for the venue is 10:30 – I’m guessing that the trees and squirrels don’t like being disturbed beyond that.  Razorlight played for about an hour and stepped out for a breather, received a rapturous applause,  played a few more songs and went off again, probably expecting another excited response – there was after all a good 25 minutes to go before the trees start getting edgy...only everyone just wandered away...Now come on guys, it’s not that unusual to have a second or even third encore...It would have been comical if Johnny Borrel had leapt back on stage to find an empty venue...

The other discovery was the support group Beth Jeans Houghton and the Hooves of destruction, who turned out to be a lot better than their name would lead you to believe – a case of don’t judge a book by its title....

Johnny & Gus

"Wire to Wire" from "Slipway Fires 2008"

well guitar string to guitar string....
Gus Robertson

"Before I fall to Pieces"
from "Razorlight 2006"
Johnny Borrell

"Hold on" from "Razorlight 2006"

"Burberry Blue Eyes"

from "Slipway Fires 208"
Freddie Stitz

"Vice" from "Up all Night 2004"

"Who needs love?"

From "Razorlight 2006"


Tune in next time for some Scottish wild life pictures and some of the wedding...   

4 comments:

  1. Welcome back - Mr. B and the Beast!

    I've been rather inconspicuously absent myself over the last couple of months...just recently resurrecting myself from piles of laundry, bills, dishes, a quick cruise to Alaska - oh, and throw in some nine-to-five stints and that should just about cover it.

    So I see here you're on the Olympic Volunteer roll call - way to go. I almost signed up for it when we had the Winter Olympics but left it too late...so, I'll be expecting you to do justice to the job for both of us.

    I'm looking forward to your photo essay...a running commentary if you will of your "exposure" to the whole sorted affair.

    And congrats on the wedding gig! Like you have to really look for the photographer...eeks...confidence man, confidence! Hahahaha.

    Cheers, Jenny

    ReplyDelete
  2. Are there any perks to being an Olympic Ambassador (apart from the outfit, obviously)?

    I'd never have the patience for it. Being nice to people...all day? Nah!

    I must say, I was fully expecting the Photo Finish to include you in said outfit...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pearson Report said...
    Welcome back - Mr. B and the Beast!
    with such a warm welcome back we will have to take more short breaks...

    I've been rather inconspicuously absent myself over the last couple of months...just recently resurrecting myself from piles of laundry, bills, dishes, a quick cruise to Alaska - oh, and throw in some nine-to-five stints and that should just about cover it.
    Life can be so inconvenient at times getting in the way of living....

    So I see here you're on the Olympic Volunteer roll call - way to go. I almost signed up for it when we had the Winter Olympics but left it too late...so, I'll be expecting you to do justice to the job for both of us.
    The Beast has joined me along the way and I’ve got

    I'm looking forward to your photo essay...a running commentary if you will of your "exposure" to the whole sorted affair.
    One of the ways I got agreement to using The Beast was promising not to publish the sordid details until after the event....

    And congrats on the wedding gig! Like you have to really look for the photographer...eeks...confidence man, confidence! Hahahaha.
    I guess having The Beast around my neck is a bit of a giveaway...it was just the official tag that got me, I’m more used to the unobtrusive shots across a crowded room.... I guess it would be out of the question to build a Hyde in the wedding venue....

    ReplyDelete
  4. cynicalscribble said...
    Are there any perks to being an Olympic Ambassador (apart from the outfit, obviously)?
    Some polo tickets, some Rugby tickets and tickets to the opening ceremony.....well the technical dress rehearsal bit – so at least I get to experience the event without going bankrupt....

    I'd never have the patience for it. Being nice to people...all day? Nah!
    I’m planning to go into a coma for the majority of my shifts.....

    I must say, I was fully expecting the Photo Finish to include you in said outfit...
    I’m just trying to build myself up to exposing myself to the world in general......

    ReplyDelete

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