Friday, 25 January 2013

January the month of lost celaners and mistaken deathdentity

January – the traditional month where the world and its dog get into a complete lather and convince themselves that they either need to give up something or start something. This can involve

- rushing off to the gym,

- giving up alcohol,

- detoxing etc.

Having given up alcohol some 30 years ago, religion about the same time and bread about six months ago* I was struggling for things to give up. Apparently giving up soup and vegetables doesn't count , especially if you don’t like them. So after much over indulgence over the festive period this years January resolution was back to the gym with a vengeance…..

* Please note I will accept bread (only as bread and butter pudding) and alcohol in cooking – as I choose to believe the cooking process takes out the bad effects of both. Despite being dragged up a Catholic** I draw the line at religion and will not take it even when properly cooked- in my opinion it is still cannibalism – Hmmm, The body and blood of Christ indeed…...

** I am now a failed Catholic, disqualified for not believing in God and organised religion in general…

With all this exercise I currently feel like Pavlov’s hamster.. if you are not familiar with Pavlov’s hamster it is a similar concept to his dog, only instead of using a bell to make his dog eat he used the beat of music to get his hamster to use its treadmill…..If he had been really bright Pavlov would have hooked up the treadmill to a generator, not only saving him a fortune in his electricity bill but made him a leading light in the green community

Next year I’m signing up for the Schroedinger's Cat*** exercise program, on the basis that you can at least have a kip in the box while you wait to see if you are declared fit or not…..

*** There is a reason that you have probably not heard of Pavlov’s hamster, it went missing shortly before Schroedinger's Cat went into the box.

Don’t worry it will soon be February - the traditional month for either giving up what you started in January or giving up, giving up what you stopped in January.

We managed to lose our cleaner – not in a ‘she slipped out of our pocket while we were out kind of way’, but in the ‘leaving our keys with a stroppy note saying “I’m not coming back”’ kind of way ….

We are still a bit perplexed about this – (unless she has decided to give up cleaning for January…)

While Mrs B is guilty of asking the cleaner to concentrate on dusting certain key areas, we had been a bit disappointed with how dusty parts of the house were. Correct me if I’m wrong, isn't that the sort of thing you expect your cleaner to get involved in….? Her reaction was as if we had requested her to break the law or clean the house in the buff. I remember when she started working for us she said “If you ever have any problems with my cleaning, please let me know” what she failed to add was “and I’ll be out the door before the dust settles”

Not only did she leave her wages, she left the bonus we had given her for as appreciation for the hard work she had put in last year (other than a few areas she had done a really good job)….

We texted her to say that we were sorry if we had upset her and even if she decided not to return she should at least take her bonus as she had earned it …. We heard nothing back

As luck would have it we ran into her in the supermarket the following week – we said hello to which she responded by totally blanking us? Nice one…She, of course, is now dead to us….

Mistaken Deathdentity****
Talking of dead (now how smooth a link is that) I was listening to the radio (I tried watching it but it’s really not very exciting) and overheard the shocking news that an actress in her forties had died - to my ears the lady’s name sounded like ‘Salma Hayek’ ….. I told a couple of friends and thought nothing more of it…. Until a couple of days later when I realised I had misheard and had to issue the following text rebuttal -

I'm sorry to say that you may have been somewhat misled by reports of the demise of a certain Salma Hayek (46). Apparently reports of her passing have been somewhat exaggerated. (That said, Salma will one day shuffle off her mortal coil so please remember you heard it here first.) It was in fact that huge international mega star Sophiya Haque (41) (famed for her part in Coronation Street) who has gone to stay with a little old lady in the country - along with all the pets I ever owned.... That old lady must have a bloody big place.

So apologies to Salma and as a way of making up for any distress my rumour may have caused her, if she is stuck for work at the moment we currently have a situation vacant - I’m sure an actress of her caliber would be able to easily take on the role of a cleaner and make it her own….. She would however have to be able to take on instruction from one of the toughest directors in the game…..The dreaded Mrs B.

**** Deathdenity – why is this not in the dictionary?

Photo finish 
Not necessarily my best pictures from last year but a good representation of some of what we got up to in 2012... 

Kirsty and Joe Skiing Chompoluc Italy

My fastest time recorded on Skis
Chompuluc Italy
My excuse it was foggy and I
didn't realise how steep it was.....

Sophie & Waynes wedding - June
My first time as an official photographer 

Roddy Frame - at Cadogan Hall
Laying a ghost to rest.....

Paraylimpic Equestrian at Greenwich.
Paraylimpic  Swimming

Mrs B Skiing in Alpe D'huez
Coldplay at the Paraylimpic closing ceremony.
Meeting Boris at the thank you reception for

London Ambassadors managers at City Hall  
London Ambassador my final shift at Stansted Airport...
Beach Volleyball at Horse Guards Parade
Mrs B at Olympic park
Jessica on her way to Gold
Scottish Wildlife Tour
 Wild Mountain hair
Blur - Hyde Park
 Olympic Football Final
Mexico 2 : Brazil 1 
Paralympics - Athletics
Chris Hoy at the Athletes parade
Noel Gallagher at V2012
The Feeling - V2012
Mount Fuji - represents our trip to Japan in October
Adam Ant - my second Photo-pass and my
 first time working in the pit....
My Union Jack Jacket
How was your 2012?  


  1. Can't you not do all the writing in Word and then copy and paste. And then add the pictures?
    Are you using compose or HTML in Blogger?

    1. I create the main blog in word – the problem is adding colour – and comments to the pictures (even loading more than a couple of pictures) turns the process of publishing from a quick task into hours of frustration as my auto save comes on every time I pause for more than a couple of seconds. I’m not a free flow writer, I add bits and play around with the blog for hours sometimes days before it hits the streets….Yeah I know it doesn’t look like any attention is given to it…imagine how bad it would be if I just typed and published.

      I was looking for away to turn auto save off – the only way I have found is to publish a dummy blog and then edit the blog. Auto save does not turn on when you edit a published blog….

  2. p.s... think you need to edit your bog.

    1. I believe it is a bog if you are doing it from the toilet – who says us men can’t multitask....

  3. Can you not.... I need to edit too!

  4. It's just so slow if you try and edit before you publish - saving every few minutes....

  5. Sounds like you and Mrs. B had a great 2012. Cheers to ya for a smashing 2013.

    1. It certainly was an incredible year for us and will certainly be a difficult one to top.... Thank you for the wishes OBP and hope you have a wonderful 2013 yourself.

  6. I used to be a practicing Catholic (I was even an altar boy). But, once I got good at it, I stopped.
    Swear to God.

  7. I was briefly an alter boy but failed to practice or get good at it......I got so bad in fact that the priest forgot to try and interfere with me.....

  8. Do you think it may be a case of what the cleaner saw?

    Anna C

    1. She might have been menaced out by McG. Our new cleaner (yes we already have a replacement - I'm keeping Mrs B away from her though) says that McG spent her first day following her around and just staring at her. He does that in the hope that he might get some food…


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