Friday, 25 September 2009

Coldplay, Jay zzzzzz and Girls 'should not be' Aloud

After the triumph that was U2 at Wembley stadium a few weeks ago, it was the turn of Coldplay to step up to the plate. We have seen them a couple of times before, so I figured there would be no problem. Before the main event we had to endure Girls Aloud who were delightfully awful. Mrs B had read a couple of reviews of their previous shows which were glowing. I can only assume that the reviewer was trying desperately hard to get into Cheryl's tiny white panties, because in truth they were dreadful (No not the white panties, I didn't actually get to see them so don't feel qualified to say).

The ginger one makes me want to hurl every time I see her. What were they thinking when they added her to the group? If they were going for girl next door looks they fell wide of the mark, managing instead to corner the hideously disfigured scary woman from up the road market instead. On the plus side for her, it looks like she is breaking into the film industry. That was her I saw her playing the painting at the end in the recent Dorian Gray movie , wasn't it????. Now the same can't be said of Cheryl. While she may have the looks of an angel, her voice has more of the air of a Tyneside docker, and an out of tune one at that.

This left the choreographed dance routines. Surely they must have been good? You would have thought so, but the reality is that your great Aunt Ethel, the one with the double hip replacement and dodgy knees (not forgetting the flatulence when she eats sprouts) moves better than these girls. Sad but true and remember, Ethal has always been rather generous at Christmas and Birthdays, you can never have too many pairs of white flannel socks in your life plus flatulence is hardly noticeable, unless you happen to be in the first couple of rows.....
If only Aunt Ethal had not put down
Sprouts as her rider it could have
been a much better Girls Aloud lineup....

Jay Zed (It's a long story)or should that be Jay Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz was up next and as I feared he did nothing for me, other than make me hungry (and I don't mean for more). One of his songs had an Indian rift running through it, which left me wanting a curry and with a strange desire to be in a room surrounded by red flock wallpaper. None of my concert companions - Mrs B, Kirsty or Vinnie - were affected in the same way so my curry crush went unsated....

So having survived the ordeal of "The support bands" what could go wrong.....? Hmmmm, 10 minutes before Coldplay were due on stage the heavens opened (Way to go weather men, with your 20% chance of rain. That's most impressive you normally claim 80% chance of rain and get it wrong). Now most people would regard this as a bad thing but not me as it actually resolved a dilemma for our little party:-

Mrs B was not enjoying the crush at the front or not being able to see the stage.........but............

........Kirsty had lost her glasses (this is the girl who managed to mistake a field of Llamas for a field of cows. Hey, on the positive side she did recognise it was a field) so anything further than a foot back from the stage was going to mean a big blurry ordeal for her.

The rain decided for us and we scurried to the back of the stadium and undercover. That way none of us got to see anything other than some stick insects but at least we stayed dry. The rain also turned out to be a relief for Vinnie as well. It has already been established in a previous BlackLOG that he is not a big fan of being in the car with the roof down, so since one of my rules for topless driving is that it has to be dry (the other being it has to be above freezing, although this rule has often been broken on blue sky winter days. It's not that bad, after the first 10 minutes the numbing sensation takes over from the pain of early onset frost bite) he knew he was going to get a lift home with the roof up.....

As for Coldplay they put on a good show which was ruined by the acoustics echoing around the stadium. I think it might have been due to the roof - for U2 it was fully opened but I notice that for Coldplay it was partly closed and I believe it was this that caused the echo problem. I like Chris Martin and believe he is a genuinely nice guy, but how many times can you ask the audience if they are OK and having a good time? A couple of times is OK, but once you start reaching double figures it gets a little dull. Nice touch with the X-factor sing along competition, although possibly a bit cheesy with the Simon Fuller video interaction bit, but entertaining all the same. The only thing was how could they bring Jay ZZZZZZZ back on stage for a duet? After all I had only just started to get over his rather dreary support set.
It was an intimate gig just us, Coldplay
and a few of their closest friends

British politicians and you thought your parents were embarrassing

It's not good for your pride when you discover your Prime Minister turns out to be a stalker. Not content with seven rebuffs for a date with the POTUS he eventually corners the poor man in a kitchen. I can just imagine Brown pinning Obama to the floor while reaching for a kitchen knife and screaming "If I can't have you to myself then no one's having you!!!!!" . Oh dear Michelle, looks like you might have a serious rival for hubby's affections.... This is almost as bad as the time when Neville Chamberlain came home waving Adolf's phone number and look how badly that date ended....

And don't get me started on Baroness Scotland. Yes we all make mistakes in life but it's a bit rich when you are one of the people who draft a law and then claim ignorance of how to follow it. What chance does that leave for the rest of us...?

To end with

Star Wars takes on Snatch
This is hilarious - warning it takes 8 minutes and as it's based on Guy Ritchie dialogue, so involves a lot of swearing - But it is worth it.....
thanks to Ryan for sending me the link


  1. Im disappointed for you you didnt enjoy Girls Aloud. I went to one of their gigs in May, which although slightly embarrasing, I happened to have a great view of Cheryl's tiny white pants! - Better than her Husband in fact, who was indeed a few rows BEHIND me!

  2. Sounds like an interesting concert. Haha. More than anything, though, your labels are making me laugh. That is quite the random assortment for one post!

  3. Maybe Chris Martin has to ask if you're okay, for insurance reasons. Asking if you're having a good time is to boost his self confidence.

  4. Adios FC Wow, you were the filling in an Ashly Cole - Cheryl Cole sandwich.

    I'm not sure I'd want Ashly behind me if I'm honest....or in front either....

  5. Brook Yes guilty as charged - I guess that is kind of how my mind works as well, jumping around all over the place. Drives Mrs B mad at times.

    The problem with trying to do a weekly blog is that some things just can't wait (i.e the political stuff). Be thankful, I had an update on the Beatles Albums but decided to let that slip a week, besides the label was not going to be particularly funny....

  6. Nikki Sod his self confidence, isn't 80,000 people singing his songs back at him at high volume a big enough boost for him??? What about my self confidence....???

  7. Lilu I'm guessing you are referring to the video link and not your lunch time beverage!!!


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