Sunday 3 April 2011

Is a little entertainment really too much to ask for?

As I’ve spent much of this week chucking myself down the horribly sunny slopes of Val d’Isere, with any remaining time being used to attempt to recover from the aches and pains that accompany such an active sport in your mid 40’s, I have not had time to put together much of a blog this week so I thought I would torture you with a BackLOG (see what I did there? This is almost genius level of creativity, well for me anyway) from a couple of years ago. In most cases before many of you had discovered the torments of reading this here blog. Apologies to anyone who has read it before but in a pathetic attempt to retain your interest I have made a few minor adjustments…well a gap between a couple of words, why not see if you can spot it….I guess in the spirit of completeness I should also a pologise to anyone reading it for the first time….


Air Canada – Just say no
Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't there some sort of international sky law covering unnecessary cruelty to air passengers? Top of the list of crimes against humanity has to be "not providing adequate entertainment on long haul flights" (aside 1). I felt like I had been taken back in time as I noticed, with horror, that there were no video screens in the back of the seats. I half expected the people around me to light up their ciggies, aided by the trolley dolly who was holding the match. (Please note that since I have been transported back to less enlightened times I am not only allowed, but legally obliged, to use non-PC terms such as Trolley Dolly; Serving Wench etc... )

(1) Personally if I was in charge of all things aeronautical I would ground any planes that did not provide a choice of at least 10 films for flights over 35 minutes in length - even for us povs at the back.

Thankfully no one did, as the haze of smoke would have obscured our, already compromised, view of the video screen, way off in the distance, at the far end of the cabin. If I craned my neck thirteen degrees to the left and sat balanced precariously on my left buttock, I could see about 1/3 of the screen. Mrs B had to jump up and down on her seat to see 1/4, none, 1/4, none, 1/4, none etc......

As it happens this was irrelevant as, shortly before take off, there was an announcement: "Due to circumstances beyond even our normal incompetence, passengers in rows 12 to 26 will not miss 2/3rds of the film or even 3/4, all, 3/4, all etc..as the screen in this section has been switched off in an experiment to see how far we can push our passengers' tolerance levels" . If you think really hard you can probably guess which section Mrs B & I were sitting in ....

Far from being the straw that broke this camel's back and giving me the right hump to boot, a calm realisation crept over me after I accepted this was not going to be a fun-packed flight. Besides, rather bizarrely I didn't feel I was actually missing out on anything. It would have been a different story if the plane had been packed with the latest entertainment systems, which had been disabled by someone demonstrating more incompetence than Bishop Stortford's road planning department (aside 2). I would now probably be writing this from a jail cell, with rather shakey hands following a rather nasty air rage incident, including free tazering and a good kicking to boot. I'm afraid Mrs B and her legendary ability to sleep through anything (Nickalepsy, as you might recall from a previous blog), would be partially to blame, for not being available to calm her technology deprived, distraught and broken husband.

(2) I challenge anyone not driving a Tank to extract their vehicle from the Sainsbury's car park on a Saturday afternoon in less than 2 hours and that includes Harry Houdini).


- Update and to make me feel slightly less guilty about reprinting this anecdote - The Bishop Stortford road planners have created a second exit from the car park, which has resulted in the loss of 4 spaces with the direct result that the average time to find a parking space has increased by an extra Qtr of an Hour. The good news is that you can exit the car park 10 minuets quicker but the roads around are now in such chaos that it takes an additional hour to get away from the vicinity.

Even after unexpectedly managing to cheer me up, by not being able to supply something, Air Canada managed to blot their copy book once again, this time by offering me something (god this makes me sound like high maintenance). The offer was a card which gave the recipient a couple of dollars off their next flight. Is it just me (probably) or does anyone else out there have a problem when they feel they are being ripped off by someone with a huge grin on their smug little face as they do the ripping off? I never had a problem with BT ripping the British public off for years. They were a monopoly and frankly that's what people expected of them. My deep-seated loathing for all things BT (aside 3). stems from an advertising campaign they ran, as they faced competition for the first time. Basically stating "We are sorry we ripped you off for all those years, please come back to us" For some reason this really hit a nerve and I have been unable to give them my custom since. I have no doubt they are all very nice people now and probably provide a much better service than anyone else, at a much better price, it's just I'm not ready to forgive them......

(3) I'm excluding my friend Paul from this rather sweeping statement. As it is my prejudice, I feel empowered to cherry-pick how it manifests. So despite the fact he works for "them", he has too many other, finer, qualities that offset this blip in his life.

To add insult to injury, the second and much shorter leg of our flights was on a brand new state of the art aircraft, with full entertainment package including 9" seat-back screens. I took so long making my film selection that I only managed to watch half of it before the entertainment was switched off for landing. Oh where are those hour-long plane stacking delays when you really need them....

Bear in mind that was just the outward-bound part of the trip - Air Canada had not finished toying with us by a long chalk. Let me know if you want me to tell you about the true horrors of flying Air Canada that is not just a tongue in cheek rant about not getting entertained.

Blog of war
Thank you to Lilpixie over at “It's a Lollipop world” – who literally dragged herself from her death bed to promote this competition, Pop in and say hello. Despite her efforts and others the Blog of War looks destined to be a depressingly small affair.

Show me the sunny
Monitoring our way to a fortune (or not) with our Solar Panels

KW Produced so far – 465

This has earned us approximately – £201 so far of that £114 paid

KW generated in the week – 72

Record of the week

Let me entertain you – Robbie Williams

Photo Finish

As a taster for next week I’ve added some photo’s from the current Ski Holiday ….


Jo was so excited about the holiday 
he was jumping for joy over  dwarves....

Mrs B and the tourette's Skier both celebrated
their Birthdays on the slopes. As a refreshing change
from last year Mrs B decided not to breaking her
 leg on her Birthday. This worked out surprisingly
well for everyone and she has promised not
to break her leg next year either…

I'm sad to report that going blonde and having Pigtails
did not make it any easier for me to get served in the bars...

Tune in next week for a full account and loads more pictures….

16 comments:

  1. I'm loving the skiing hairstyles. Tre chic...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Blog of War is going to be a depressingly small affair? Oh, well, more for us to eat.

    ReplyDelete
  3. As I have not traveled since 1992 I had no idea that they even had screens on the backs of the seats nowadays.

    Have you ever considered perhaps bringing a book with you when you travel?

    Love the hair!! All three of you!

    As to the Blog of War, I was going to throw my hat in but I get performance anxiety and it sucks my creativity right out of me.

    Can't wait for a full recount of your holiday!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lost.in.Idaho said...
    I'm loving the skiing hairstyles. Tre chic...
    One does ones best to keep up with the modern styles….

    ReplyDelete
  5. Al Penwasser said...
    Blog of War is going to be a depressingly small affair? Oh, well, more for us to eat.
    I will be in touch in a few days to work out the finer details. I just wish I had not booked all the extra catering and those extra lengths of rope….

    ReplyDelete
  6. Raven said...
    As I have not travelled since 1992 I had no idea that they even had screens on the backs of the seats nowadays.
    I doubt you need to travel when you can use the wings of your imagination….I must admit I do envy the kids that travel around in cars with video entertainment laid on in the back…

    Have you ever considered perhaps bringing a book with you when you travel?
    Where would I plug it in?

    Love the hair!! All three of you!
    The best hair is yet to come….

    As to the Blog of War, I was going to throw my hat in but I get performance anxiety and it sucks my creativity right out of me.
    I seemed to have sucked the creativity out of the Blog of War myself

    Can't wait for a full recount of your holiday!
    I’m looking forward to seeing what I write myself, that blog is very blank at the moment still waiting for a spark of inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  7. in anticipation of a possible visit from Mrs B I am sad to say that none of us have seen an owl of any type for the past week. Not so much as a feather. Oops.

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  8. This post makes my black ass wanna get out there and ski! ...but the rumors are true...black folks hate the cold. And snow. and skiing. lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. skipperthewonderhorse said...
    in anticipation of a possible visit from Mrs B I am sad to say that none of us have seen an owl of any type for the past week. Not so much as a feather. Oops.
    How very convenient, the excuses coming out early…..see you on Saturday

    ReplyDelete
  10. THUNDERCAT832 said...
    This post makes my black ass wanna get out there and ski! ...but the rumors are true...black folks hate the cold. And snow. and skiing. Lol
    Thundercat I have seen the odd Black ass on the piste and they all look pretty happy…The art is wrapping up warm and pointing your feet down hill

    ReplyDelete
  11. An iphone/ipad is the answer Niel......

    ReplyDelete
  12. Those are really great pictures!!

    My apologies for being so late to come over. I had seen a day or two ago that you had posted & wanted to make it over, but have been caught up in quite the whirlwind of business the past few days.

    "Due to circumstances beyond even our normal incompetence"
    I loved how you just smoothly threw that in there. Made me laugh out loud, even snort.

    I've never flown to Canada. I take it I should just buck up & make it a road trip when I visit?

    For flights that long from the UK, I honestly don't know what I would do out of boredom if they failed to provide some serious entertainment throughout the flight. I get antsy on 30 min flights.

    I'm disappointed I couldn't get more for the blog of war.

    Happy belated birthday to Mrs. B! Glad you've had such enjoyable times.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Fortunately I live in northern Michigan so getting to Canada is only an hour away by vehicle and I love it!
    I also love "slope head" do's, awesome, awesome, awesome! Looks like you guys had a blast! Happy belated to Mrs. B!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anna said...
    An iphone/ipad is the answer Niel......
    I was thinking more along the lines of a ticket on a different airline...

    ReplyDelete
  15. LilPixi said

    Those are really great pictures!!
    I will pass the compliments onto The Beast

    My apologies for being so late to come over. I had seen a day or two ago that you had posted & wanted to make it over, but have been caught up in quite the whirlwind of business the past few days.
    I had no idea that you lived in Kansas and had a little dog called Toto….Did you manage to retrieve the ruby red shoes? Lipixie, or can I call you Dorothy, you have no need to apologise. I must admit to reporting you missing to the Blog police, after 48 hours of no show but in hindsight I can see that was a bit over the top….You have your life to lead and I suspect Toto can be quite demanding…..Sorry I’m back in the blog again, my imagination took over for a second, it was your fault all the stuff about being caught up in a whirlwind…..

    "Due to circumstances beyond even our normal incompetence"
    I loved how you just smoothly threw that in there. Made me laugh out loud, even snort.

    I do hope what you were snorting was not Charlie Sheen related…As a British comedian pointed out what an apt name for him – after years of cocaine abuse he has undeniably been left with a “Charlie Sheen”

    I've never flown to Canada. I take it I should just buck up & make it a road trip when I visit?
    Depends on the levels of entertainment you have in the car…..

    For flights that long from the UK, I honestly don't know what I would do out of boredom if they failed to provide some serious entertainment throughout the flight. I get antsy on 30 min flights.
    I find having a small child constantly kick the back of my seat an absolute joy or have the passenger next to me dribble down my arm (Mrs B does like to go that extra mile for me) makes those hours fly by…..

    I'm disappointed I couldn't get more for the blog of war.
    It was three too many entrants for my liking…I had been parading the crown around the house and was kind of getting used to it….sadly gives it one more polish and puts it back into the virtual box …..

    Happy belated birthday to Mrs. B! Glad you've had such enjoyable times.
    We certainly did, more details in next week’s blog

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mountain Witch said...
    Fortunately I live in northern Michigan so getting to Canada is only an hour away by vehicle and I love it!
    I also love "slope head" do's, awesome, awesome, awesome! Looks like you guys had a blast! Happy belated to Mrs. B!

    We certainly did have a blast, just wish I had the ability to capture a tiny portion of the fun and package it in next week’s BlackLOG. Some even more impressive "Slope head" pictures will be appearing in next week issue, to make up for the lack of writing skills

    ReplyDelete

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