Don’t mention the war – I mentioned it once but I didn’t get away with it

It was a busy week this week, mainly due to some extended birthday celebration

Saturday – Kew gardens -  Sophie Ellis Baxter supporting Bryan Ferry

Sunday - Birthday BBQ

Monday – Kew Gardens again this time for Blondie

Tuesday – actual birthday and a trip to see Much A Do About Nothing

Wednesday -  back to work for a much needed rest 

In random order for more dramatic effect– What do you expect? this is the BlackLOG it doesn’t really do Linear…

Blondie - Born 1st July 1945 (age 66)

She certainly is a game old bird and at 66 cast a very impressive figure for her age – Her legs remind me of Tina Turner’s, when she was in her mid sixties and you have to wonder if they use the same leg supplier….  My concert companions complained that Debbie was sounding flat – but in truth I always felt that she sang flat, which was very much part of her charm. The problem I felt was more that if this had been a high jump competition Debbie would have failed to clear the bar, even at the lowest setting.  In fact I fear she would have struggled to get over it if it had been lying on the floor. It was not just the high notes but the medium height ones that were being crucified…Now before you start thinking that this was a stinker of a concert I can assure you that it was not, the songs are just too good even if the wigs are not….  

Bryan Ferry - born 26 September 1945 (age 65)

Looking a little bit crumpled, more like Bagpus who has swapped his fur for a blue lounge suit, rather than the suave lounge lizard from yesteryear…. It seems odd that he is actually 2 months younger than a certain Miss Harry, I’m guessing that he has not had as much renovation work done, to his credit, although someone should tell him that so much black hair dye in your 60’s is not dignified.  One of Debbie’s awful white wigs would have looked more natural on him. 

Sophie Ellis Bexter - Born last Tuesday in comparison to the other two  

Now the youngster of the crew -  she’s tall and has cat like facial features and dances like a stick insect being electrocuted.  She also has a huge great tattoo on her arm which does nothing for her. She had a couple of good hits “Murder on the Dance Floor” and “If I can’t dance”….Isn’t it ironic that these hits seem to refer to a dance deficiency of the highest (sorry Blondie) order…

Sophie Ellis Bexter
"Put your hands in the air if you can't dance"

Don’t mention the war – I mentioned it once but I didn’t get away with it.

It would appear that Kew Garden’s music concerts are getting more popular each year - I don’t remember it being so busy for last year’s Bootleg Beatles concert. It was bad enough on Saturday night when we were packed in like sardines. Tourrettes girl had arrived early and staked out our pitch with blankets and although we had enough room,  getting in and out was a nightmare, groups were so close to each other that you had no option but to walk through their picnics….

For the Monday Kew trip there were just the four of us,  Teach and the Farmer having joined us from deepest darkest Lincolnshire. Having spent the afternoon wondering around Kew we were in a good position to get into the Kew queue and thus made it in time to create a little oasis for ourselves. We however made the fatal mistake of leaving a small corridor to our right to enable people to get through. Mrs B and I went off to stretch our legs leaving Teach and the Farmer to look after our empire.  Unbelievably a group of four people turned up and had starting pushing our blankets out of the way.  While the Farmer is used to dealing with trespassers he was so stunned by this brazen behaviour he was powerless to react and watched in horrified fascination.  By the time I returned it was a done deal and as we were surrounded by people it was not worth making a fuss. 

Things were fine until Blondie came on and two of the interlopers started to dance wildly but, since it’s a concert, it’s a bit difficult to complain. However they were attempting to drink at the same time, which resulted in anyone in close proximity being showered with the contents of their glasses. As no one else was doing anything about it I stepped forward and, risking life and limb, forced them to pause...

Me – “Excuse me, Dancing, I have no problem with you dancing”

Actually I did but I was trying to use my diplomatic hat...

Nuisance pair -  looked at me bleary eyed

Me  - “Drinking, I have no problem with you drinking”

Nuisance pair – still looking somewhat bewildered

Me – “It’s just the dancing and drinking together is not good for you, as you are spilling all your drink, or indeed the rest of us who are around you and on the receiving end of the contents of your glasses…..”
Female nuisance – sneered something in German to her companion before saying to me “OK”

Me – with my gander up “That would be excellent and in return I won’t mention the war.” My diplomatic hat must have been caught by a waft of sauerkraut infested breath and gone soaring high above the crowd and into the now darkening skies….

Female nuisance – “Vi vould you mention de Vor?”

I had already figured that she was German and please note I don't have a problem with Germany as a nation (other than frequently beating us on penalties) it is rude and ignorant individuals that I have a problem with and they can be from any nation, far too many of them being British for my liking....

Me – realising I had gone a bit over the top said “Sorry, it’s a bad English joke” I can’t help it I’m a big fan of Fawlty Towers and as non PC as it is, I don’t like to see people get away scot free for their loutish behaviour…

Unfortunately it was too late, strangely it did not appear to be a problem for our drunken neighbours, it’s just I could hear rumblings of discontent coming from beside me.

The drunken pair carried on their rampage of destruction, substituting cigarettes for the drink and now showered everyone with generous amounts of ash (how thoughtful). Which stuck to clothes that were still soaked from the alcohol abuse they had received moments before. I, however, was in no position to complain as I was suddenly involved in a secondary battle with an irate Mrs B as she remonstrated with me for the war remark and insisted that I apologise (clearly not having heard my immediate apology).

I dug my heals in and hostilities commenced on this unexpected second front, allowing the nuisance pair to hack off everyone around them. Even the friends that they were with were so embarrassed that they had left them. 

While I agree the comment was insensitive Mrs B had been shielded from the worst of the behaviour and I’m sure had not realised the extent of the problems the pair were causing. There was no way I was apologising any further – My feelings in life, I will put up with a lot but I will not allow people to walk over me or my friends and family.  I was reprimanded further when I attempted to move our cooler box in-between us and the wildly gyrating pair as Mrs B feared that the situation my escalate….. 

Although things were still frosty the second front was just about thawing when the male nuisance attempted to barge passed us and tripped, throwing a glass of wine into Mrs B’s face. I just about managed to keep a straight face but could not help uttering the comment “I’m saying nothing”*. Mrs B went off like Vesuvius and the verbal battle commenced between us once more, which took Mrs B almost 24 hours to get over, unfortunately this made for a particularly awkward birthday the following day (I’m thankful it’s not like the old days when a Mrs B sulk could last for weeks).  I tend to land verbal punches (create a bit of devastation around me), get it out of my system and calm down fairly quickly (and then wonder why everyone else is a bit grumpy), although, if severely pushed, I can get a good grudge going.

* As it happens I really should have said nothing

Mrs B erupted like Vesuvius

Little did the organisors know that

there would be two Firework displays

at the Blondie gig....

The only crumb of comfort I got was that the nuisance pair managed to fall over three times, tripping up over other people, chairs and themselves. They also attempted to sneak off and leave all their rubbish behind but was stopped by a severely hacked off gentleman (no not me this time I was still busy defending on the second front), who forced them to pick it up and take it to one of the many bins that are provided.

A Solar powered Birthday BBQ

Catering - how to make life easy….

Because we were booked solid with little time for preparation we had decided to let Waitrose take the strain and sourced all the salads, BBQ meat and other side dishes through their web site, to be picked up Sunday morning. We even took the precaution of checking with the store on Saturday evening that everything was booked and ready to go.

Imagine our delight when we rocked up at 10am to pick up our order, only to find out that less than 12 hours later they were now denying all knowledge of it.

With our guests due in just a few hours I think we did pretty well not to go off the deep end, especially as an hour later they were still denying any knowledge of ever having received our order.  Then suddenly it all appeared (Well almost all of it, a tomato and mozzarella dish went AWOL, we’ve put pictures of it on milk cartons and on lamp posts but almost a week later there’s no word…We are starting to prepare ourselves for a prospect of life without it).  It transpires that they had been looking at it under “click and pickup” rather than “pickup after you click” service,  or some such nonsense.  It sounds like they have made their service a bit too complicated. I’m not sure the £10 voucher went far enough to cover the distress they had put us through but I guess it’s better than nothing.    

Birthday presents
It’s a bit like buses, you get yourself a set of solar panels and suddenly the place is awash with them – this year I got a lot of solar powered items (Hmm….next year I’m putting solid gold tiles on the roof….) Some rock lights, some tree lights and a solar powered butterfly….Thanks to Teach and the Farmer for the butterfly, which hasn’t proved as naff as I first thought. I caught McG playing with it this morning - it’s the most exercise he’s had in years.  And I am particularly grateful to Tourettes Girl for the tree lights which stopped Mrs B investing in some ultra naff multi-coloured butterfly ones.

A new record is set

Our friend Ash managed to set a new record for himself, seeing him two days running with different dates… I reminded him that we had not met any of his dates for a second time. A fact which he disputed vehemently but after a fairly long reminisce he finally conceded that I was, indeed, correct.  

I have a new saying for him: Any friend of Ash’s will never be seen again….

Smoke gets in your eyes

On my birthday we were lucky enough to have tickets to see David Tennant and Katherine Tate in William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. We were even fortunate enough to get fourth row tickets. The play was funny and well acted only…..

Since when did a Shakespeare play require chain smoking? Not only that but chain smoking by almost all of the characters?

Is there some sort of conspiracy against me, I wonder, as the last play I saw in the west end “The Children’s Hour” had more smoke pouring out of it than a  1970’s diesel….

Mrs B could tell I was fuming and suggested that I write to someone afterwards

I mulled this idea over and had a better plan.  At the interval I went in search of the Theatre Manager.  I failed to get hold of them but did manage to speak to the deputy manager.

Me – “I have a question for you about the smoking on stage.”

Deputy Manager – “It’s the directors choice and it has been cleared by Westminster Council”  

Me – “How can they justify sanctioning it?”

Deputy Manager – “They don’t use real cigarettes, they are herbal.”

Me - “So you don’t think it is going to be a bad influence on all the kids in the audience?”

Deputy Manager – “The production is an adult production.”

Me – “So you don’t think that having a very popular ex-Dr Who actor in the cast is going to draw in the kids?”

Deputy Manager – “That’s down to the parents to make the choice - there is a particularly explicit sex scene at the end of the first half”

Me – “Was there? I couldn’t really tell through the thick haze of smoke….”

Now I don’t know if I had any influence but during the second half of the play the smoking was dramatically reduced to just two cigarettes and the stage was clear enough to be able to see.  Possibly a little too clear, as I’m sure I received a  number of filthy looks from some of the actors….

Stinky phone update - Cryogenics

Due to the miracle of the freezer, Stinky phone (if you were reading last week he took a swan dive into a rancid puddle) is back in service….For those of you that are bemused by the last statement I’ll take you through it one more time but a little slower and with a bit more detail.

Something I learned a few years ago is that if one of your electronic items stops working stick it in the freezer overnight, thaw it out and often (not always, it’s not guaranteed to work) you will find the item works again. I think it has something to do with resetting over heated circuitry and resetting batteries.

I also managed to resurrect the lawnmower battery the same way this week. This proved a mixed blessing as it meant I had to cut the grass. 

Ironically I couldn’t use the  Freezer method to revive our ailing Icemaker, as it is too large to fit into the ice compartment….

Show me the sunny
Monitoring our way to a fortune (or not) with our Solar Panels

KW Produced so far – 2041

KW generated in the last week – 90

This has earned us approximately – £1020

Record of the week
 

Smoke gets In your eyes by Bryan Ferry -  Thanks Mr Tenant my eyes are still smarting after your red hot smoking performance...

Sunday girl by Blondie -

Murder on the dance floor by Sophie Ellis Bextor - it can be said Sophie truly is murder on the dance floor.

If I can't dance by Sophie Ellis Bextor - What does she mean if? 

Heart of glass by Blondie - No chance of shatteing any hearts of glass with her high notes

Watch of the week

The regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes.com.

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years and  Joe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type….

Vacheron and Constantin Tourneau

Shape 18k YG Diamonds Rare

Xupes price	£  8,995.00
RRP	£20,850.00
Saving	£11,855.00

Xupes price

£  8,995.00

RRP

£20,850.00

Saving

£11,855.00

 Absolutely excellent condition Vacheron and Constantin Torneau shaped rare factory diamond 18k yellow gold watch on 18k yellow gold strap with deployment buckle. This is the ladies 25mm quartz model. The dial and bezel feature beautiful factory set diamonds. This particular model is now discontinued so set to be a collectors piece for the future. This is a lovely immaculate example. 12 months Xupes warranty included. The strap will fit up to a 6.00 inch wrist.

Photo Finish
To end this week there are some shots from Kew - The first two were taken with the Mega Mini Beast as we traipsed around one of the glass houses. The rest were taken with The Beast at the two Kew the Music concerts. 

A bit of horti-culture for you this week...

Hidden amongst the Kew’s foliage we

found Blondie’s stage equipment being

looked after by the Roadie-dendrons….

My Aunt Edith can dance better than that
and she's been dead 10 years...

"Is there a bad tattoo removal artist in the house?"

Bryan Ferry hoping that no one notices
the missing lorry load of dye hidden 
in his hair.... 

Bryan Ferry - "Hey Blondie this is a high note"

Bagpuss gets a much needed makeover....

Ash hides behind his first date for the weekend



Blondie - In the Flesh...



If you can't reach those notes, just
get your audience to do it for you...



Blondie proving that you don't have

to Die young to stay pretty

The Farmer planning better ways

of getting  trespassers off

his picnic blanket…. 

Teach shocked at the underhand

tactics of London picnickers..

Next week the BlackLOG should return to a less hectic pace.....