Selling snow to Eskimos

One of my favourite programs at the moment is MAD MEN, which is about the birth of the modern advertising industry….The naivety of the early sixties is captured superbly - OK I may grind my teeth and emit a sort of low growling from the back of my throat (I may have been hanging around with the cats for too long) at the amount of smoking that goes on but until they produce Smell-o-Vision and Experiama  (where smoke, water, fire bullets etc emerge from the TV screen* )  I can accept it is there for the authenticity of the period (not like a certain recent Shakespeare play….cough, splutter, general weezing and rubbing of smoke sensitised eyes). 

The sexism in MAD MEN is startling and would be funny, only you know it took place but  it was probably much, much worse, ditto the racism….. To me MAD MEN highlights the point in history where consumers went from dictating what they want, to, within a very short time scale, becoming sheep, being driven to the market and told  what they should purchase.

* Just think about the extras TV manufacturers could sell us – bullet and fire proof vests, waterproof TVs, big chain fencing in case you are watching a wild life program or a motor race when a wheel comes off potentially devastating your living room and landing on one of the cats…

The big sell at the moment is 3D TV – It’s like the electronic industry has gone out and spent large sums developing a half baked idea. This is the 3rd or 4th attempt at launching 3D, and they are determined that the consumer will foot the bill.  The difference this time around is that they are not just selling it at the cinema but trying to get them into every single house and have spent so much marketing the idea that they can’t afford to stop. The public should call their bluff because in poker terms they are only holding a high card or possibly a low pair….

I blame the success of Hi-Def  and Blu-Ray, which it turns out was just a way of flogging us  more expensive films (possibly for the third time if you had already purchased the video and DVD versions) with only a slight improvement in quality – not like the leap from Video to DVD (even Mrs B managed to notice that one and she’s a genuine technophobe…. ).  They sold Hi-Def on the huge capacity of the discs but failed to mention that you would only get around the same amount of program time because the Hi-Def takes up so much space.  They also conveniently forgot to mention the eternity it takes for the discs to load….So, spurred on by this success, they wheel out the perennial loser that is 3D TV (Gosh a 4th opportunity to sell the same film but this time with added wafty bits …)

I’m not sure I know anyone who actually wants 3D TV – Is there anything worse than  sitting in your living room with a great big pair of glasses (£100 a pair) that make you look like Mr Magoo, in order to see half heated attempts at getting things to waft vaguely towards you?  Mrs B is one of those people who actually feels nauseous whenever she watches a 3D movie. For pity’s sake don’t tell the advertising industry, otherwise it won’t be long before they re-brand 3D as Sick-o-vision, created especially for watching hospital dramas and plague movies.

The electronic industry are not the only guilty ones in their lust to sell us their second- rate products, will the modern advertiser stop at nothing?

First we had 24 hour underarm deodorant – which has recently become 48 hour.  Like you would want to stand near someone  who doesn’t wash for 2 days……….. No hang on I have just heard Right Guard has developed a 72 hour deodorant.  That’s an eye watering 3 days without soap and water…. Bring it on, how did I ever cope with all that inconvenient washing everyday (Mrs B’s going to be in for a treat….)?

After years of telling us that we spend too much time in the sun and selling us products to protect us from the harmful effects of those evil rays….the latest thing is that we are  now over protecting ourselves so much that we are not getting enough Vitamin D from the sun and will end up with rickets, which is really bad news when you are looking for a Goalkeeper as it will be straight through their legs every time.  Expect sales of Vitamin D and un-protective Sun Cream to go through the roof…

Offers that are too bad to be true - Money adverts offering quick loans with APR of 1734%. I’m sorry but isn’t that loan sharking?  Big smiling people with wads of cash to spend on the crap that other companies are flogging them. They don’t show the after shots, a couple of months later when that £100 loan is now a wapping great big  £500 and you can’t afford to pay it back so they come around and remove your teeth and break both legs as a reminder that they might get a bit  nasty if you don’t pay it back… 

Then there is Ad speak, which is just jargon used by the advertising industry designed to confuse us and their attempt to fool us into buying more of the same old rubbish -

Nothing lasts longer, acts faster etc, etc - i.e. save your money you are better off with nothing

New Improved - Our sales were falling so we changed the name

Limited edition – We made some trial flavours and they are really horrible…..

Ultimate - Some of our  ingredients have been put on the international banned substances list and so we had to change them before the law suits start to proliferate….

My personal favourite is “New”. I’m a sucker for anything “New” even if it is just the packaging – for example I’m in the Marmite hate camp and would not touch the evil stuff with your tongue but………change the packaging and add “New” to the brand and I might just purchase a jar – OK, I won’t actually get passed the “opening the jar” stage, before I throw up but the bastards will have got my money and be out celebrating another hollow victory, because they won’t catch me out again….well not until  they brand it “New Improved limited edition ultimate Marmite”….   

   

Even Ad speak is not immune and has taken the ultimate step and disappeared up its own anal tract with new improved i.e made up words…

Oscillococcinum. = 15% Lactose and 85% Sucrose = basically Sugar

bifidus digestivum, - made up marketing term for gut bacteria

Bifidus Actiregularis - New improved form of bifidus digestivum after it was ridiculed by the general public

Triclene – Made up term used by toothpaste companies – probably because it sounds like it cleans three times more effectively than monoclene

Paracetamoxyfrusybendroneomycin - Developed by a  pharmaceutical company in response to customer grumbles that there were "simply too many drugs" out there. The Marketing department awoke to the possibilities of producing a multi-purpose drug - One of the senior executives was quoted as saying: “We are exploring the possibilities of a new 'Wonder Drug', something to replace the current 20,000 or so different drugs on offer. We thought: 'What could we produce to give all you customers break?'”  How about something that was pronounceable outside of the Welsh language and that does not contain quite so much bison?  The primary source of Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin is the cerebella cortex of a bison.

Safsprin - A placebo. Sold in third-world countries with the slogan "Healthy Babies Need Safsprin If They're Not Going to Die.", That’s a bit like saying “Healthy minded people need the BlackLOG if they want to be able to think.”  

Don’t worry, for those of you anxious that you are not getting enough opportunity to get ripped off for anti-ageing products you can always get suckered in by these beauties :- 

'a breakthrough phyto-complex that combines a power dose of boswellia serrata extract and manganese, which help reduce the appearance of lines caused by facial micro-contractions'

or

‘anti ageing reducing serum technology"

and

‘...Skin-Colourisation-Reduction-Over-Time-Undulating-Methodology’

Even better you can have them all with our 3 for 2 offer at just 1734%  over 10 years

The most insulting thing of all,  people actually get paid real money for coming up with this twaddle…

I would not be surprised if they have a marketing term for it, such as -

Pulluswoolusoverpublicoseyeus

Show me the sunny

Monitoring our way to a fortune (or not) with our Solar Panels

KW Produced so far –  2318

KW generated in the last week – 87

This has earned us approximately – £1158

Record of the week

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking their clothes off  by Panic! at the disco – But I strongly suspect if there were sales in it those media clothes would  be swimming around the floor**  before you can  say  Paracetamoxyfrusybendroneomycin

** or more likely making their way to the nearest washing machine because not even clothes can resist the new improved power of cleanusbolloxus which now includes phone connection, proven slimming ability and 9 out of 10 cats who claimed it was the tastiest washing powder ever….

Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin – You’ve had the ice-cream, the biscuit and the T-shirt, it’s now time for the musical….

Friday Follower
A big thanks to A Daft Scots Lass for featuring me on her Friday Follower section - Click on the button below to see the feature. Then go and check out the rest of her blog, she covers some facinating subject and shoes...Personaly not sure about the shoes but if it is your thing  this might just be a blog for you...

Watch of the week

The regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years and  Joe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type… 

Montblanc Sport Chronograph SS

Xupes price	£1,095.00
RRP	£2,085.00
Saving	£990.00

Xupes price

£1,095.00

RRP

£2,085.00

Saving

£990.00

This watch is from Montblanc's current range which continues to be sold in Boutiques worldwide and can be viewed on their website. The watch features an automatic movement. This is the mens 41.5mm size. This is the most desirable configuration with black and silver dial. The strap shows slight signs of use.

Photo Finish

It’s good to have wood

Or is it? sometimes you can have too much of a good thing - Please note this is not a sexual reference and I have the pictures to prove it...

Had some wood delivered this weekend. With the joy of rain
forcasted I had a limited time to get it put away.

McG took an interest incase it was edible .....

My carefully prepared wood store got a bit overwhelmed.

So while I found some room in the garage ....

McG got all sulky and refused to help due to his overwhelming

disappointment that the wood did not turn out to be that edible ...

While I had to find some more space....

McG made himself useful
 "Sod moving the wood,  I want my dinner"

which had to wait while I found even more space....
Ok, I may have over ordered a bit,
please don't tell Mrs B....

P.S. If anyone needs any witches burning

I may have some spare capacity at the moment

P.P.S No time wasters,  it has to be real witches, ones that

float, not incontinent relatives that you just want to get rid of….

Next week features Good Charlotte and The Mega Mini Beast gets put in detention...