Saturday 26 November 2011

Two births, two job offers, a gig, a wedding and a belated move in

A bit of catch-up after last week’s emotional farewell to Newark Park – I’m negotiating with my Sister and  Mrs B to see if I can drag out some of their memories.  If I succeed these will be published in a future blog....

Olympics Ambassador  
May I introduce to you the latest 2012 Olympics Ambassador recruit  ....

no, he’s not behind me....

no, it’s not the distinguished  gentleman hovering in the corner (incidentally does anyone know who he is?  He showed up a couple of days ago  and keeps eating all the chocolate biscuits.....OK he doesn’t eat all the chocolate biscuits but Mrs B doesn’t know that so I‘m using it as cover....)

........It’s me!

Oh Mr Olympics Ambassador you are really spoiling us....queue bad acting as a tray of Ferrero Rocher  are handed round (This is possibly one of the worst adverts of all time)

I had originally applied for the “Meet and Greet role” and during the interview  they suggested I went for the one of the managerial roles....I was thinking this is the closest I’m ever going to get to being head hunted.... while they were probably thinking the best way of getting rid of me was to send me for promotion.

As it happens I was  offered both roles.

The first is “Flying squad member” (despite being based at Stansted Airport I had been assured that my feet wouldn’t be leaving the ground – so no jetting off to exotic climes to pick up lost athletes then). It involves troubleshooting problems that can’t be dealt with by the local team.  I’m not sure my vision of the Sweeney - sweeping in to sort out troublesome Olympics visitors - is quite how it would be though.  To think, I even wasted some valuable time practicing :-

"On the floor Slag"

"You’re nicked"

"Empty your pockets" etc...

The other role is  “Pod Manager”  - again at Stansted Airport.  I’m not entirely sure what this will involve but I did say at my interview that I wanted everyone who works for me to enjoy themselves so it should be a hoot....I sound like just the sort of boss I would want to work for....I shall be watching “Horrible bosses”* to pick up some tips.


While this is a totally voluntary job and I will receive no payment or have any chance of meeting any famous athletes, I’m really stoked to have been offered both roles...It’s been over 20 years since I last attended an interview, so to succeed in both was brilliant.  I have turned down the Sweeney (Flying Squad) role – not much point if you can’t rough people up and nick them for having Olympics tickets for events that we want to see.... 
                                                                                                                                           
My main concern all along is that I will have to wear a uniform.  The last time I wore one was at school and that was almost 30 years ago.  It’s nice to see that I have my priorities in the right place.....   I was relieved to find out that it won’t include a shirt and tie (I had vision of those polyester fire-hazard jobbies).  Although the bad news there is an awful lot of purple and red for me to carry off, I will do my best

The uniform details released a couple of days ago, will include :-

Polo shirt - Now will it be horse or water polo? 

Sweatshirt – while it might be for the summer this is the UK, just surprised they have not included
thermal underwear

Jacket – a bit formal but I’m prepared to make the sacrifice

Trousers - Well it would look mighty strange if we had no strides on....

Baseball Cap – I can wear it back to front and put off the youngsters

Trilby – no doubt for frightening the elderly

Umbrella - Come on this is the UK with only a 99% chance of rain - I'm looking forward to using it to do my Gene Kelly impression...
Notice there’s no holster and gun - so my Sweeney Flying Squad vision really faded before my very eyes....just as well I turned that role down

Joyce and Mitch visited from Canada for Mitch’s son’s Wedding
It was only a brief visit but good to catch up with them both – Joyce was a bit poorly – allergic to UK weather I fear.

I was particularly impressed that when we met them at the Wedding reception Joyce seemed sober but within less than a minute went from totally coherent to almost horizontal.  She wanted to dance and wasn’t taking no for an answer.  We cleared the dance floor before I escaped and managed to hide behind The Beast while Joyce went in search of other victims.  

In just over a week Mitch dragged them the length and breadth of England, catching up with his relatives and leaving just enough time to join me for a C.A.C.T.U.S  (Cheap As Chips Tuesday- half price cinema days) evening where I got to indulge in some more nostalgia with the New TinTin film. 

I also managed to introduce them to the delights of Delicious (When the BlackLOG finally goes mainstream, it can surely only be a matter of decade, Delicious will definitely be one of the sets - like Central Perks in “Friends” – only we rarely get to sit in the comfy seats). They even got to see Mrs B briefly before she was whisked away to Beijing with work.

Roddy Frame – Bush Hall, Shepherds Bush
A new venue for me and a scandal in that I had a couple of spare tickets and only managed to find one person  - Martin a German colleague – to join us  after being turned down by a couple of Canadians (they were in the middle of their whistle stop tour of UK – Yes Mitch, you are now a Canadian – it helps with my international quota) – an Italian, a Brazilian and various English friends...a positive cornucopia of international rejection.  Well, their loss as Mr Frame is an incredible musician and watching him play acoustically is a wonderful experience. Mrs B made another timely entrance appearing just as Roddy hit the opening bars of his set.  I quite liked Bush Hall, another intimate venue and with the bonus of being able to park only 2 minutes walk away.  As it was a new venue I didn’t try and get The Beast in so, regrettably, didn’t get any good pictures of the gig...

Alison has finally made an honest man of her husband
Just over a year after they got married our friend Al has moved in with her husband Richard.  Better late than never,  I guess we shouldn’t be that hard on Al as we were rather late getting to their wedding, arriving just as they were leaving the church – Ouch....We had been in Wales for the weekend and had struggled to make it back through the onslaught of Sunday traffic....
Richard “At last we can spend the rest of our lives together

Al “Richard, that is just so last year

Skip forward a year

Al “Ready or not I’m moving in....”

Richard "Who are you again?"

A couple of new additions to the world
...... who knows one of them might well  have been the 7 billionth earth citizen to be born.....

Craig and Mala had a baby daughter Sophia.  Craig asked when we were coming to meet her.  I replied that Nicky was waiting for a formal invite while I was waiting until she gets to around 20 (get those difficult teenage years out of her system).  I’ve been told that this was a really inappropriate thing to say (really?) along with my remark that the young daughter of one of Mrs B’s old work colleagues looked like Gollum (In my defence she had great big watery eyes)– I think I got away with it because her parents  hadn’t read Lord of the Rings or seen the film.......

Adam - manager of the delectable Delicious cafe - has had a son Ruben (Well I guess technically that should be Adam and his wife, otherwise you probably would have seen this in a paper - ). Mrs B made the right sort of cooing noises over the pictures, while I tried hard not to make any accidental disparaging remarks  - on the whole I think I succeeded, as so far I haven’t been banned from Delicious....

Watch of the weekThe regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes. Joe mentioned that they had been getting a number of hits via the BlackLOG.

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years and  Joe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type…


Xupes price £1,495.00
RRP£3,950.00
Saving£2,455.00

Excellent unworn condition Ebel Brasilia Ladies Stainless steel Mother of pearl and diamonds watch on stainless steel strap with stainless steel deployment buckle. This is the ladies size measuring 30mm by 23.7mm. The dial is white mother of pearl with diamond markers. The case is set with factory diamonds. The watch is in excellent condition. The watch is from a UK authorized dealer on 1st November 2011.

Record of the week

Oblivious by Roddy Frame (Acoustic)
Somewhere In My Heart by Roddy Frame (Acoustic Live)
Bigger Brighter Better by Roddy Frame (Live on Later with Jools Holland)

Purple rain by Prince - There is a rumour that Prince (the diminutive purple pop star ) is the main sponsor of the London 2012 Olympics volunteer uniforms - in which case I'm grateful I don't have to wear a raspberry beret....
  
I'm still standing  by Elton John  - Only just Joyce, only just  
Tub Thumping by Chumbawamba. For the refrain "I get knocked down, I get up again"

Next week
Covers another one of those very hectic periods for us

KT Tunstall
Pigeon Detectives
Driving Miss Daisy
I got to eat with the chairman of Mrs B’s Company
Show me the Sunny - gets it's now monthly airing

Which just leaves time for a quick .....  

Photo Finish
Just as well I was in this shot otherwise I fear
Joyce would have exited stage left in a
quirky downward direction.... As it was I
got to feel like the pole in a pole  dance...
Mitch a Canadian in English clothing....
Mrs B "Lean on me... but no dribble
 thank you very much"
McG doing his best Teddy Bear impression.

If any blokes out there thought it would be cool
to have two birds fighting over them – just ask
what is left of Mr Fish, how cool this turned out
for him....????
Hope to see you next week


24 comments:

  1. Congrats on the job, I'm sure you'll look very dashing in purple!

    I love the fact that the people who say the uniforms are great never wear them themselves. But at least you'll get a free pair of Adidas!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait, so a baseball cap and a trilby? How do you wear them both at the same time?

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  3. cynicalscribble said...
    Congrats on the job, I'm sure you'll look very dashing in purple!
    I wonder if they will allow me to wear a paper bag on my head in case anyone recognises me

    I love the fact that the people who say the uniforms are great never wear them themselves. But at least you'll get a free pair of Adidas!
    Mrs B says that I all ready have the advantage in that I can make even the most stylish clothes look bad....I won’t even have to make much of an effort with these ones....

    As for the trainers they haven’t mentioned them or asked for my size....I could use them for making a purple dash for it

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sub-Radar-Mike said...
    Wait, so a baseball cap and a trilby? How do you wear them both at the same time?
    That’s why I have two ears, it’s a bit like one of those people who is half dressed as a man and half as a woman so when viewed from one side they look like a man and from the other like a woman. Only from one side I will look like a Yoof and from the other a pensioner.

    Just as well I don't have a third ear, otherwise it might have been game on for that raspberry beret

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  5. Congrattttssss on the Olympic gig(s)! Too bad they won't give you a fire truck to drive ;)

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  6. Congrats on the olympic ambassador job. Wear the official "I'm a wanker, and you're not" blazer proudly, as we tourists invade your lands.

    And that watch? Gorgeous, but a little too flashy for me. I prefer my diamonds on my lady friend.

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  7. Congratulations on the job! Does it include opening luggage and demanding, "What's all this then?"

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  8. I SO wish I could be involved in those Olympics!! Congrats on the job! I hate you! ;-)

    So, this couple has been married a year and they didn't live together? I guess I missed a couple blog posts.

    Nice watch! Sweeeeet!

    "Fire-hazared jobbies"...what are "jobbies"? Just trying to broaden my Brit vocabulary.

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  9. Dawn @Lighten Up! said...
    Congrattttssss on the Olympic gig(s)! Too bad they won't give you a fire truck to drive ;)
    Who said I won’t get to drive the fire truck.....damn I was counting on that....

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  10. Lost.in.Idaho said...
    Congrats on the olympic ambassador job. Wear the official "I'm a wanker, and you're not" blazer proudly, as we tourists invade your lands.
    Thanks for that insight into my sex life, god the purple will really show the stains....

    And that watch? Gorgeous, but a little too flashy for me. I prefer my diamonds on my lady friend.
    I’m sure your lady friend wouldn’t say no for Christmas....

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  11. Al Penwasser said...
    Congratulations on the job! Does it include opening luggage and demanding, "What's all this then?"
    If it does I hope I’m not expected to don the rubber gloves for those more intimate searches.....”Bend over sir and relax” like those words would ever help anyone relax

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  12. ryoko861 said...
    I SO wish I could be involved in those Olympics!! Congrats on the job! I hate you! ;-)
    Normally it takes a couple of readings before people start to hate me.....

    So, this couple has been married a year and they didn't live together? I guess I missed a couple blog posts.
    You’ve got about three years of catching up to do.....

    Nice watch! Sweeeeet!


    "Fire-hazared jobbies"...what are "jobbies"? Just trying to broaden my Brit vocabulary.
    Jobbies can be a couple of things :-

    From a Scottish perspective it = Bottom pellets, solid farts....i.e. Poo

    In this case it means “thingy’s”

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  13. Off topic: I am listening to Love and Money!!! It's very eighties... I will have to listen to some more.
    AND now, I have to scroll back to find out what happened after the concert and whether you made it to the evening do...
    Sx

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  14. I have caught up.
    Congrats on being an ambassador!
    I did the Ferrero Rocher advert, back in the day when I used to bother to write proper posts!
    HERE
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Congrats on the gig! It's a damn shame you don't get to at least carry a taser. As an ambassador, I feel you ought to be entitled to dispensing the occasional gift of high voltage. Just to keep things moving smoothly, of course. As always, very funny words and great music selections. KT Tunstall's first two discs have been my most-played of the week.

    Also, I'm with you on having been shit-listed for honestly appraising a baby's ugliness. Some folks just don't appreciate a good analogy. Namely, my future sister-in-law, whose husband apparently had a cross-eyed Sasquatch somewhere in the nearby branches of the family tree.

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  16. Scarlet Blue said...
    Off topic: I am listening to Love and Money!!! It's very eighties... I will have to listen to some more.
    That makes it sound terrible, but surely since they don’t use synthesisers they can’t be tagged as 80’s ....I guess since I didn’t stop listening to them they didn’t get time warped for me ...

    AND now, I have to scroll back to find out what happened after the concert and whether you made it to the evening do...
    Sx

    It’s almost like time travel but with a really cheesy script...

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  17. Scarlet Blue said...
    I have caught up.
    What a good job you did, impressive dedication .... How much did I agree to pay you?

    Congrats on being an ambassador!
    What no smart remark about the uniform???

    I did the Ferrero Rocher advert, back in the day when I used to bother to write proper posts!
    HERE
    Sx

    And a clear indication that you should be back blogging on a regular basis....Very creepy seeing the Dave comments....

    ReplyDelete
  18. A Beer for the Shower said...
    Congrats on the gig! It's a damn shame you don't get to at least carry a taser. As an ambassador, I feel you ought to be entitled to dispensing the occasional gift of high voltage. Just to keep things moving smoothly, of course. As always, very funny words and great music selections.
    We are getting PDA’s (which unlike the uniform we have to hand back so I suspect they are probably quite cool) I wonder if I can get a taser apt for it....”Sorry madam I had to taser your husband for the rather offensive shirt that he was wearing ”

    KT Tunstall's first two discs have been my most-played of the week.
    I think she is actually more popular state side than over here. Which is a scandal, although good for us in that we get to see her play in great little venues like the Union Chapel – more about that in the next blog

    Also, I'm with you on having been shit-listed for honestly appraising a baby's ugliness. Some folks just don't appreciate a good analogy. Namely, my future sister-in-law, whose husband apparently had a cross-eyed Sasquatch somewhere in the nearby branches of the family tree.
    I was trying to work out the relationship that you have, I had it down to your brothers future wife but thought why not just say your brother (unless it comes down to being closer related to the cross eyed Sasquatch than you would feel comfortable with ) and then I realised it is your future wife’s i.e. fiancée sister so there would be no need to pretend that your nonexistent brother’s pretend wife had an affair with something hairy and backward.... which I’m fairly confident featured as a story line in the show “Soap”.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sounds like life is grand! That's awesome. I'll keep this comment short so you don't feel pressured to break your record of not one, but two replies to my comment like last time. Great pictures as always! And this is no lie: I just finished typing a post that includes a shout out to Chumbawama's Tubthumping. After proofing it one more time tomorrow morning (when I'm a little more rested) it will be officially on my blog. I think I ask if anyone remembers that group. There is no need for you to reply: obviously you do!

    ReplyDelete
  20. L-Kat said...
    Sounds like life is grand! That's awesome. I'll keep this comment short so you don't feel pressured to break your record of not one, but two replies to my comment like last time.
    Always happy to receive good comments long or short....

    Great pictures as always! And this is no lie: I just finished typing a post that includes a shout out to Chumbawama's Tubthumping.
    Life is often stranger than fiction – Just ask your old friend Charles Dickens

    After proofing it one more time tomorrow morning (when I'm a little more rested) it will be officially on my blog. I think I ask if anyone remembers that group. There is no need for you to reply: obviously you do!
    While I hated Chumbawamba’s politics, some of their songs – yes they did more than Tubthumping - were very listenable...

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  21. "Flying squad member" should involve more aerobatics. Perhaps with purple wings?

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  22. Melissa Pace said...
    "Flying squad member" should involve more aerobatics. Perhaps with purple wings?
    I guess wings would beat a purple codpiece....but does beggar the question would I need air clearance at an airport

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yes, it is creepy seeing Dave's comments!

    I think you might be interested in Mr Bene's posts, as he is also doing something for the Olympics.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  24. Scarlet Blue said...
    Yes, it is creepy seeing Dave's comments!
    Sorry to remind you....

    I think you might be interested in Mr Bene's posts, as he is also doing something for the Olympics.
    Sx

    What like running the marathon?

    ReplyDelete

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