How to almost starve to death on a Cruise liner, with a 24 hour all you can eat policy

I made it look easier then you would imagine. It’s a bit like hitting sets of red lights; once you get one of them you seem to get them all. Only for red lights you substitute restaurants closing just as you get to the door. I managed a run of five, at one point, as I raced from one to another (I should probably have stayed at the first restaurant and waited the 12 hours, conserving my energy until it re-opened. It’s just I always thought I would make it to the next one). Admittedly I did not make things easier for myself. I was getting frustrated as the restaurants never posted their opening times at their entrance. I even got quite huffy as I stormed away from one of them exclaiming to one poor old couple.

Me :- “I wouldn’t bother they are closed!”
Poor old couple: - “It’s ok we know, eh”
I think they might have been Canadian…
Me:- “How do you know, they don’t post the times at the damn restaurants?”
Smug old couple: - “We just read the day’s entertainment schedule which includes daily opening times for all the ships restaurants, like, Eh!”
They were definitely Canadians. I should have murdered them on the spot and disposed of their smug sorry carcasses overboard, but all I manage was a rather deflated
Me :-“That’s no good I’m male and English and can’t be that organised….”
Before stomping off with my now growling stomach to catch yet another closing restaurant ceremony, I don’t know why I bothered to be honest, once you’ve attended one restuarant closing ceremony you’ve pretty much seen them all :-
Me:- “Table for two please”
Smug Maitre’d :- “Sorry sir we have just closed”
Me:- “Nooooooooooooo!”
SM:- “Yes, Sir it has”
Me:- “but, I’m starving”
SM:- “If you go up 7 decks and go to the very back of the boat you might catch last orders at the ‘Rancid parrot’ our low class Restaurant which hardly ever closes”
Me :- “hardly ever?”
SM:- “well, It closes generally on Monday through Friday for stocktaking ”
Me:- “So being Sunday it should be open”
SM:- “Probably not, the staff get weekends off, Sir”

I eventually found an area with stacks of Pizza, I went back to Mrs B and asked if that was that ok for her. It was and I returned no more than two minutes later - they had packed them away. Even the 24 hour popcorn machine ran out when I went to get some. Aaarrrrgggghhhhhh. At least I was getting some exercise but I was beginning to think that I would never find food again. Perhaps this is the way forward for weight watchers - an NCL “All you can fail to eat” cruise. I wonder if they cater for lardy cats……

Not all went well on the eating front once we returned to Vancouver. We had spent most of the morning and early afternoon at the Aquarium in Stanley Park. We decided to eat in the STANLEY’S PARK BAR & GRILL which we had been assured served food from 11.30am to 8pm daily, only…




And did I mention it was raining, there was no shelter and Mitch was not able to pick us up for an hour and a half.....

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This week my favourite song is “Noah and the Whale” –5 Years time. You will probably be delighted to know that it features no unnecessary clothes loss, but there is a dodgy line about elephants….


Next week The BlackLOG deals with the joys of camping Canadian style and introduces you to some of the wild life and covers a local Music Festival……