Tuesday 2 August 2011

Meet The Beast Plus Tom Jones and Laddra Chapman

For those of you interested in the power behind the pictures on the BlackLOG, this week you get the chance to meet The Beast and his friends ... if that’s not your thing, then hang on in there for Tom Jones and other BlackLOG regular sections

Warning, for those of you of a delicate persuasion the following contain shots of The Beast, not only wearing garments from his extensive wardrobe  but also in the first one instance stark naked….

The Beast in the style of fashion 
The Beast is a Nikon D700 and was adopted in February 2008 from the Stanstead airport home for waywards electrical goods
stansteaD
                 aIrport
 electriX
 insitute fOr
       orphoNed
   goodS

 A stripped down version of The Beast in
his basic form along with  his Battery Grip
which is the camera equivalent of
 the 1980’s shoulder pads...
Shoulder pads in place -
eat your heart out Krystle Carrington
The Beast's equivalent of a Mini Skirt
The Nikon 50mm F1.4 lens,
for when The Beast is feeling like a tart
and wants to get up-close and personal.
Likes low light and soft music..

Nikon 105mm Micro Lens F2.8
like a clutch bag for taking tiny objects....


Nikon 14-24mm F2.8
Looks like to a fisheye lens but gives fantastic wide angle shots,
akin to the world’s best handbag - gets almost everything in.....
Nikon 70 - 200mm F2.8
The little black dress, usable
for any occaions ...
Nikon 70 - 200mm F2.8 with Nikon 2x Converter III
Making it a 140 - 400 F.5.6
A little black Number with accessories ...
Nikon 300mm F2.8mm
The fashion equivalent of Stiletto shoes
for when you need that extra reach...
Nikon 300mm F2.8mm with the Nikon 2x converter III 
The Stilettos have just become a Porn Star Shoes.
Main Support
Manfrotto 055CXPR04 tripod
With a 468MGRC0 hydrostatic ball head
Particularly useful when The Beast is tottering
around on Porn Shoe Stars....
Manfrotto 393 gimbal head on a Manfrotto monopod
very useful for leaning on like a shepherd when you
are rounding up the shots....
Nikon SB-900
When The Beast wants to light up a room
Power and memory -
In  a fashion sense hair
straightners and a little
black book for taking
 down the details....

And The Beast's friends
Mega Mini Beast and Mini Beast :-

Mega Mini Beast Panasonic FZ100
with an inbuilt 25 - 600 Zoom .
Mrs B's normal weapon of choice
Mega Mini Beast extended to the full 600mm...

Mega Mini Beast with an extension which takes it to
a fairly incredible 1020mm lens, not bad for little camera.  

Mini Beast
Mini Beast - Panasonic GF1 with 20mm Pancake lens
Useful for taking pictures of The Beast
and Mega Mini Beast together...



Tom Jones
 This week it was Tom Jones at Audley End, certainly not my choice but since I drag Mrs B along to many weird and wonderful shows and given that I point blank refuse to watch Ballet (There are some lines in the sand you should never cross), I try and make concessions where I can. At least, unlike Kylie, Mrs B made this one…. 

I’m shocked to say, I was actually impressed by the aging lothario. 71 and his voice is still strong - alright so the hip thrusts were more laughable than sexual and with his arthritic movements he was probably hit by more pairs of discarded knickers than when he was more mobile. He did appear to have a senior moment and vanish part way through one of his songs - I’m still trying to work out if he had to nip off and empty his incontinent pants (which would also account for his Billy Connolly style dance routine) or he just forgot where he was and popped out to make a cup of tea….
The support was pretty good, a local girl from just along the road in Brentwood, Laddra Chapman. It was the opposite end of the age spectrum though, early 20’s with lots of angst about failed relationships and dip shit boyfriends….Oh what fun it must be to be young and in love with a new person every week, as you pulverize your way through one wrecked relationship to the next…..

Competition winner

Despite my promise to stay away from competative blogging "A Daft Scots Lass" drew me in and even better proved to have wonderful taste and selected my long winded caption.

Click on the button below and you can visit South Africa and see the winning entry...


Even better she has agreed to expose her unsuspecting readers to my long winded pros in her next Friday Follower Feature....
Show me the sunny

Monitoring our way to a fortune (or not) with our Solar Panels

KW Produced so far –  2231

KW generated in the last week – 100

This has earned us approximately – £1114

Record of the week

The Beast by Blondie - Does what it says o the tin.....

Fashion by Damon Albarn and David Bowie -
 

Fashion – pictures to the left
Fashion – pictures to the right
We are the camera squad
And we're taking your town
Click-Click - Click-Click

Listen to me - Don't listen to me
Talk to me - Don't talk to me
Take pictures of you - Don't take pictures of you
No - Click-Click - Click-Click

My Camera Never Lies by Bucks Fizz - although it can tell white lies occasionally

It's Not Unusual by Tom Jones - I guess it's not unusual to forget what you're doing once you get into your 70's...

Fallen From Grace (Fish Face) by Leddra Chapman - I'm only speculating but let me guess, this is probably a song about yet  another failed relationship...
.
Watch of the week
The regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years and  Joe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type….

Xupes price £18,495.00
RRP£32,550.00
Saving£14,055.00
An absolutely unworn mint condition Breitling Windrider Chronomat Evolution 18k rose gold mens watch on 18k rose gold strap with deployment buckle.

Photo Finish
In case you haven't had had enough pictures this week I'll finish you off with some Tom Jones, Leddra Chapman and some birthday cards which I meant to post a few weeks back....
Tom Jones is banned after attempting
to perform with a naked Sooty....
Tom Jones - "SexBomb"
Just waiting to go off
and make a nice cup of tea..
Looks like those incontinent pants are filling nicely Tom....
Laddra Chapman, despite being cheerful and bubbly
she doesn't ever seem to attract the right sort of man...
On the plus side this does helps with her song content....
A couple of birthday cards Mrs B got
for me aren’t they great....?
Hope to see you next week.....

35 comments:

  1. Holy crap on a stick, what a blog post! I seriously had a bloggasm

    ReplyDelete
  2. Niel is it me or is has there been a serious extension of the camera wardrobe???

    Sorry I missed you call yesterday. Things were pretty hectic given it was the first day back. Def catch up over lunch another time though.

    Joe

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oilfield Trash said...
    That is one nice camera.

    Just think how good the photo’s it could produce if someone with a good eye and understanding of photography got hold of it….

    ReplyDelete
  4. Clueless Dolphin said...
    Holy crap on a stick, what a blog post! I seriously had a bloggasm
    Yeah, I noticed, it’s taken ages for me to clear it up….

    ReplyDelete
  5. Stunt Cock said...
    Niel is it me or is has there been a serious extension of the camera wardrobe???
    Nothing new since the 300mm Stiletto shoes, I just don’t carry it all around as once….I was hoping to get the local paper to give me a photo pass for V so I could take the 300mm (No way could I try and sneak that in…) but the sods just blanked my email request….

    Sorry I missed you call yesterday. Things were pretty hectic given it was the first day back. Def catch up over lunch another time though.

    Joe

    No worries, I didn’t expect you would have time but thought I would put the call in….

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow, definately a fabulous toy and can I say I love the colour of your couch too.

    I think Tom Jones would have been a lot of fun to go to. He looks pretty good for 71.

    The cat cards are just too cute too

    ReplyDelete
  7. i loved the vintagish design of the cam

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow to the camera expose! I wouldn't know where to begin and always admire the lucky person with all these gadgets that does.

    Some singers really need to retire - memo to Tom...

    I'm looking forward to more of your fantastic photos now that I know what lurks behind the scene.

    Cheers, Jenny

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't think I'd be able to carry that camera with all the paraphenalia let alone get a good shot with it all.

    Really lovely camera, dude.

    You're going to be featured this Friday on my wee blog.

    Love Connelly and the incontinence knickers!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mynx said...
    Wow, definitely a fabulous toy and can I say I love the colour of your couch too.
    You certainly can say you love the colour, especaly as it was my choice. I won’t however tell The Beast that you called him a toy he would be devastated…

    I think Tom Jones would have been a lot of fun to go to. He looks pretty good for 71.
    I would have no complaints if I looked like that at 71, although I would prefer a little less Botox and a lot more facial movement…

    The cat cards are just too cute too
    If the ginger one had been a bigger they would have been a perfect match….I don’t know where Mrs B find them

    ReplyDelete
  11. Diego Sousa said...
    i loved the vintagish design of the cam
    There was me thinking that it was modern, I guess it is not slim and pocket sized but I like it all the more for that…

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pearson Report said...
    Wow to the camera expose! I wouldn't know where to begin and always admire the lucky person with all these gadgets that does.
    Yes I do count myself as a lucky boy, but since I don’t drink or smoke I can indulge in a little bit of luxury….

    Some singers really need to retire - memo to Tom...
    Why is Tom going to round them up and tell them to stop….Oh you mean Tom…He’s really not that bad and can still sing and perform better than many people 2/3rds of his age…

    I'm looking forward to more of your fantastic photos now that I know what lurks behind the scene.

    Cheers, Jenny

    So no pressure then….

    ReplyDelete
  13. A Daft Scots Lass said...
    I don't think I'd be able to carry that camera with all the paraphenalia let alone get a good shot with it all.
    The one really good thing about having a heavy camera I, when you take it out with you, you make sure you use it. None of that slip it into your pocket and forget you have it rubbish. Having a really good shock absorbent strap helps a lot as well…

    Really lovely camera, dude.
    Than You, I’ll pass on the compliments to the Beast, he will be chuffed

    You're going to be featured this Friday on my wee blog.
    I much appreciate that and also for winning your caption competition

    Love Connelly and the incontinence knickers!
    What’s not to love, I will always remember that sketch, I had tears rolling down my cheeks and aching sides when I first watched him do that routine

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yep, I really want a camera like The Beast. Alas, I only have something similar to the Mega Mini Beast. Sweet collection.

    I'm also convinced you live at concerts. Under the stage or something, like a musical troll, whatever that is.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey thanks for all the comments!
    That camera set up is effing amazing. Trying to get me a decent set up like that. Right about now I have 8 dollars saved. Fuck...I have got a long way to go.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Brooke said...
    Yep, I really want a camera like The Beast. Alas, I only have something similar to the Mega Mini Beast. Sweet collection.
    The Mega Mini Beast gives some great results, it does struggle in low light though, certainly compared to The Beast
    I'm also convinced you live at concerts. Under the stage or something, like a musical troll, whatever that is.
    Sometimes I wish I did, some of the drives across London can be brutal….A musical troll is either going to be a Trosical or a Musiroll, to be honest I would rather be a musical Elf, although come to think of it a MELF sounds even more dodgy than a Trosical

    ReplyDelete
  17. Melissa said...
    Hey thanks for all the comments!
    That camera set up is effing amazing. Trying to get me a decent set up like that. Right about now I have 8 dollars saved. Fuck...I have got a long way to go.

    True, but you have age on your side, I was into my 40’s before the Beast arrived in my life….

    ReplyDelete
  18. Wow, I am drooling over those cameras, esp. the beast. How can I possibly think I'm all bad ass now with my Canon Powershot?

    That is one old Tom Jones. He don't have to be young to rock your world?

    I just rolled over reading that picture caption about the incontinent pants. Matches beautifully with the expression on his face.

    DAMN, look at that watch!! Masterpiece! That is so cool.

    Love the cards too.

    I have to go over to the lasses blog. I'm having a hard time lately just trying to keep up with my regulars.

    ReplyDelete
  19. LilPixi said...
    Wow, I am drooling over those cameras, esp. the beast. How can I possibly think I'm all bad ass now with my Canon Powershot?
    It’s not what uou have it’s what you do with it…I use The Beast for a total body work out….

    That is one old Tom Jones. He don't have to be young to rock your world?
    I’m not sure you can class Tom as Rock ‘N’ Roll these days more like Creak ‘N’ Groan….

    I just rolled over reading that picture caption about the incontinent pants. Matches beautifully with the expression on his face.
    At last someone gets it, I can always rely on you little Pixie….

    DAMN, look at that watch!! Masterpiece! That is so cool.
    I thought a bit blingy for my simple tastes…

    Love the cards too.
    They are awesome, Mrs B puts my card selection to shame

    I have to go over to the lasses blog.
    I seem to have hit a rich vein over there at the moment….Competition winner and soon to be featured follower I have to get it all in before she finds out how shallow the BlackLOG is.

    I'm having a hard time lately just trying to keep up with my regulars.
    I know what you mean, you haven’t been over to a lollipop World in ages…

    ReplyDelete
  20. This is totally perfect because I have cameras on the brain right now!

    http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

    ReplyDelete
  21. Damn, I'd say Tom Jones looks better now than he ever has. No homo.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I truly have lens envy.
    On the bright side, I don't look as much like a train wreck as Tom Jones.
    Or maybe I do.
    Crap.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am in awe of your camera collection, sir. I can only assume you are a professional photographer, or serious full-time hobbyist with equipment like that. I hear Larry Flynt is still looking for his Ansel Adams...you might want to give him a call.

    And you were right Polka Face by Lady Gaga effin rocks! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr8KiihK3ks I'm so sorry I ever doubted your polka rock street cred. =P

    ReplyDelete
  24. Bonnie said...
    This is totally perfect because I have cameras on the brain right now!
    I hope you weren’t clocked by the Beast because that would cause some serious damage…..

    ReplyDelete
  25. Teh Evil Penguin said...
    Damn, I'd say Tom Jones looks better now than he ever has. No homo.
    I’m just glad he has let his hair gray naturally, looks a lot better as a badger than if he had gone for the black panther look - a bit like a male version of a cougar except it will sleep with anything from 17 – 99*

    * Anything over that would be positively indecent, who wants to see a 100 year old Cougar….

    ReplyDelete
  26. Al Penwasser said...
    I truly have lens envy.
    On the bright side, I don't look as much like a train wreck as Tom Jones.
    Or maybe I do.
    Crap.

    Don’t worry The Beast is none judgmental, if you can make it onto a stage he will take your picture

    ReplyDelete
  27. Static said...
    I am in awe of your camera collection, sir. I can only assume you are a professional photographer, or serious full-time hobbyist with equipment like that.
    Turns out I’m a professional hobbyist ….Don’t drink, don’t smoke I have to do something with my money….

    I hear Larry Flynt is still looking for his Ansel Adams...you might want to give him a call.
    Do you mean Anal Adams? Who instead of taking shots of the American West specialised in taking shots down under…..

    And you were right Polka Face by Lady Gaga effin rocks! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr8KiihK3ks I'm so sorry I ever doubted your polka rock street cred. =P
    I’m deeply distressed that you didn’t believe me….actually I’m even more deeply distressed after watching the video…it could be the death knell of western society as we know it.

    ReplyDelete
  28. What's new pussycat? Whoah, whoah...
    My what long lenses you have. My poor, sad D100 is jealous.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dawn @Lighten Up! said...
    What's new pussycat? Whoah, whoah...
    Go-Cat has introduced a couple of new flavours – half chewed Blackbird and Masticated Robin….

    My what long lenses you have. My poor, sad D100 is jealous.
    It’s not what you have it’s what you do with it….

    ReplyDelete
  30. Static

    a bit of content warning next time I just threw up my lunch....diced carrots and keyboards do not make a great combination…

    ReplyDelete
  31. Saw Tom Jones at T in the Park a month ago, I have to say I was equally surprised. His voice hasn't changed a bit. If anything it's become even better with age.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Calamari said...
    Saw Tom Jones at T in the Park a month ago, I have to say I was equally surprised. His voice hasn't changed a bit. If anything it's become even better with age.
    So good in fact you have to ask if he has done a deal with the devil and there is a voice in his attic decaying and decrepit and waiting to escape and when it does everyone who hears it will turn to stone and be grateful for it, to avoid anymore audible suffering....

    ReplyDelete

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