It would have been so much better if it was my phone that had been bugged

I’ve been treated to the joys of a stomach bug this week.  It’s an incredibly focusing experience -realising that it is imperative that you are within easy striking distance of the white porcelain throne.... The prospect of spending hours sitting in the Doctors' surgery surrounded by all that "other people" infection was not particularly appealing either.  Using my new found focus, in a Jedi-style that Yoda would have been proud of,  I discovered that our surgery offers a phone call service.  Not good if you have an interesting rash that you want to boast to your Doctor about or if you are a particularly sharing soul who doesn't like to keep ailments to themselves but great when you don’t want to find yourself in a fight to the death with expectant mothers* and pensioners**  over the limited facilities....

* That extra weight can put them up a couple of divisions in fighting class.

** They might not have sharp claws but those walking sticks and Zimmer frames can be lethal when Edith, Ethel, Reggie, Stan and co ... wield them in anger.

One quick phone call to mention the unmentionable and I was on my way to pick up a  sample bottle left at reception.  No instructions on how to use it though - are you meant to hover over it and:-

 a.  attempt the precision-bomb technique (not that easy when your backside is      

     like a particularly unstable time bomb....);

b.  poop and scoop; or even

c.  Bob a job (no Scouts required)
 

 Then a trip back to make a non-refundable (at least I hope it’s non-refundable) deposit....

Jobbie done...

Down to the wire
After a number of years of trying I finally managed to get Mrs B and the critically-acclaimed cop show “The Wire” in the same room. My triumph lasted less than 15 minutes, however, as she declared, after an opening salvo of language that would make a docker blush , “There is too much f#ck#ng swearing and it’s having a bad influence on me.” .....Point taken Mrs B.  Now where did I put that box set of Bagpuss....?

Snow Patrol 1
As we had snow last week I took the opportunity to take The Beast out fox-hunting. Some of you might remember the photos I got a few years back of the fox running up and down our road. After trailing around the local streets for around half an hour,yes; with not a sign of my vulpine friend, I returned home to discover in my absence he had left foot prints across our drive way, just meters from our front door. Now that’s just not playing fair ....

Guilty of maliciously leaving

foot prints in the snow....

Taken with The Beast

December 2009

Snow patrol 2

Despite the very worst efforts of the O2 ticket service and my upset stomach we got to see Snow Patrol this week.... I really can’t believe that O2 can get away with advertising*** their priority ticket service.... Since when did the worst tickets in a  venue become "priority"? 

*** Talking of which there are a couple of new unbelievable UK TV adverts that have caught my eye recently

• The pay for your funeral now and die later plan....

Which informs us that with burial costs rising we should be worried that we won’t be able to afford our funeral in the future....So why not pay for it now....

At least I think it means that, unless I misinterpreted it and it is actually an advert for Exit, advising us to die now while you can still afford to or possibly even save money and bury yourself before you die. 

Yes it is true you can’t take it with you but I for one think you should at least enjoy it while you are here...

• When there is blame you should make a claim....

Four supposed lawyers walk towards the camera wittering on about how they can get you loads of money for any accidents that you might have. One of them trips over their own feet and sprawls to the floor....

Who do they think they are going to sue?....themselves??? 

As for Snow Patrol, while I doubt they will be many people’s absolute favourite group, except perhaps aging Goths (they have a tendency to stray to the  morose), they have built up a decent back catalogue.   They also have a wonderful ability to build those sad songs up from a slow start into punchy anthems .  Gary Lightbody, while not the most stunning of frontmen, is entertaining and has a good repartee with the audience.

Watch of the week
The regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes. Joe mentioned that they had been getting a number of hits via the BlackLOG.

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years and  Joe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type…

IWC Portuguese Chronograph

Price	£4,395
RRP	£5,200
Saving	£   805

Price

£4,395

RRP

£5,200

Saving    

£   805

 Mens Portuguese Steel Chronograph watch, on a black crocodile strap with a Stainless Steel deployment clasp. This is the mens size measuring 42mm. The dial is White/Silver. The watch is complete with IWC Box & Papers. This watch is in excellent condition and has barely been worn.

Record of the week 

Footprints by Paul McCartney  - Yes mr Fox I have the measure of your Paws....

Just Say Yes by Snow Patrol - Oui

Shut Your Eyes by Snow Patrol - Can I trust you?

This Isn't Everything You Are by Snow Patrol - What more can there be?

Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol - But you just told me to shut them....

 Photo Finish

All pictures taken with the Mega Mini Beast

"Just Say Yes"
from
Up to now (2009)

"Called out in the Dark"
from
Fallen Empires (2011)

"Shut your Eyes"
from
Eyes Open (2006)

"Grazed Knee"
from
Final Straw (2004)

"When it's all over we still have to clean up"
from the 2001 album of the same name

Tune in next week for more sick (hopefuly not me sick) adventures