The weirdest burglary

We have become the victims of the world's strangest robbery. Nothing was taken except our kitchen cabinet doors .... 

Our kitchen auditions for page
 three of  the Sun newspaper – sadly 
they turned it down.  While they were 
happy with the  topless look,  they 
drew the line at showing innards.. 
who  would have guessed the 
Sun had standards.. 

The current suspects are 

Gunther von Hagens.  I deduce that having got bored of plastinating 

bodies he has moved onto plastinating kitchens. It would have been 

nice if he had waited until our kitchen had been declared legally dead......

Mrs B – wanting more shoes and handbags to fuel her 

consumer designer lifestyle has sold them to raise the funds

Me – I removed them in order to justify  my recent acquisition 

of a Dremel (Mini-marvel tool used for drilling, sanding, polishing,

 shaping etc...) and a new electric screw driver.  I was challenged 

by Mrs B as to why I had purchased them.... Before I could even 

formulate a reply Mrs B countered with

“You don’t do D.I.Y and when you do you're rubbish at it....”

Harsh but fair....

All that I was left with was a rather lame  - 

“My inner-man needed them, he hasn’t told me 

why yet but he was in no mood to be argued with...”

Mrs B just rolled her eyes – a nice trick if you can manage it, I bet if I tried it one of mine would get stuck under the bed and the other one would get eaten by the cats (a blinding result)........

I’m a bit suspicious as to why I wasn’t pushed further on the Dremel subject.   Is Mrs B in the process of purchasing something really expensive (requiring additional funds and an instant “well you bought a Dremel” excuse)?  This is why I’m moving her to the top of my suspect list, ahead of even Gunther.... 

OK – so using your skill and knowledge of all things BlackLOG (What do you mean you don’t normally read it, just look at the pretty pictures?  Well you have only yourself to blame....There is nothing stopping you delving into the rich tapestry of  BlackLOG back issues) can you work out which of the three suspects is responsible or can you think of an alternative reason for the missing doors????

....tune in next time for the mysterious truth

C.A.C.T.U.S (Cheap As Chips TUeSday,  at our local cinema)
The choice this week was "The Hunger Games"  – Now I’m all for teenagers being taken off the streets and forced to use their youthful energy and skills to decapitate, slice, shoot, burn, blow each other up etc....  but I object to this being called an original concept – The Japanese film, "Battle Royal", did this 12 years ago with more blood, gore and finesse .... I did not see the incentive for the kids in the Hunger Games to kill each other (district pride – are you kidding?  Most kids today can’t be bothered to stretch their hand out to drop litter in a bin to keep their own street clean) – at least in Battle Royal they had exploding collars  to keep them focused on the butchery.

So while I enjoyed the Hunger Games I’m fed up of loads of fat youff’s being interviewed from their couches (get out more)  claiming this was the most original book and film idea ever. Now here is an original idea - why don’t we drag them out (since when has exercise been a bad thing?), stick them in the arena with a load of Battle Royal fanatics and see who comes out on top.... OK, so in this case the exercise will probably end in their death but, on the bright side – as they say “What does not kill you only makes you stronger” but with possibly a side order of homicidal  tendencies.... I didn’t claim there wouldn't be side effects.  

Watch of the Week

The regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes. Joe mentioned that they had been getting a number of hits via the BlackLOG.

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years and Joe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self-service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type… 

Jaeger LeCoultre

Price  £17,995 

RRP  £36,780 

Saving  £18,785  

Excellent unused condition Jaeger le Coultre Master Compressor Ladies Ltd Edition 18k Rose Gold Diamonds automatic watch on white crocodile leather strap with 18k rose gold deployment buckle. This is the ladies size measuring 36.8mm. The dial is white. The watch is in excellent unworn condition with original boxes and manual only supplied from a UK authorized dealer on 1st November 2011. This particular model is still sold in Jaeger le Coultre Boutiques Worldwide but was manufactured in very limited numbers.

Record of the week

Listen Like Thieves by  INXS - I would have thought is should be either "listen like ears" or "steal like thieves" but since I'm not a long dead international pop star (with erotic autoasphyxiation issues*) what do I know...

* Would it be insensitive to say that Michael was said to be a well hung individual...

The Bartender and the Thief (acoustic Version) by Stereophonics - I'm assuming that the bartender purchased our stolen doors and has flogged them to one of his customers....

Kill The Director by The Wombats - Try as I might I could not get a song called "kill the teenager" or even "kill the Hunger games fanatics" so this will have to do....  

Hope to catch you next time....