Wednesday 28 April 2010

Mrs B the shoe snob and my failure to talk in tongues

Not sure what happened last week, the BlackLOG received the least hits and fewest comments in almost a year....That was after what seemed to be a bit of a buzz regarding my pending foray into the world of fashion with some genuine excitement appearing to be building up. I guess the expectation proved too much....Oh well, pushing on......audience or no audience. This week the story of how Mrs B got broke and I don't mean financially...

Some 2 weeks after "twisting" her ankle, Mrs B was still limping around, with no sign of improvement. The point when she slipped on the stairs and jammed her good foot (sorry, previously good foot) into the wall to save her bad foot, was probably the breaking point last straw. Disturbed by a loud noise I ran to find Mrs B sobbing in a crumpled heap, half way down the stairs. (Unlike the Muppets there was no indecision about being half way up or even half way down the stairs. Unless Mrs B had managed an impressive twist with double back flip, she was definitely coming down). Now Mrs B is a tough cookie and does not produce tears easily (sometimes I have to be extra mean just to get a glassy look across her eyes....), so this was not a good sign. I did manage to finally get her to commit to going to the doctors....

Two days later Mrs B actually got around to hopping down to one of her Doctors at work.

Shock horror, turns out that the twisted ankle was actually a suspected fracture and so Mrs B was dispatched to see a Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeon. A couple of x-rays later and we received the news that Mrs B had sustained a lateral Malleolar (Weber B) fracture. Mrs B was intrigued to know how she had managed to get around on a broken leg. I think the consultant was genuinely impressed that she had indeed managed to walk (well hobble really) on it for two weeks without any support other than Ibuprofen. Although he was not so impressed when I jumped in and answered Mrs B's question before he had a chance to respond. My explanation that :

"The Fibula is not the main supporting bone of the leg but a backup for the Tibia....." (I'd looked up some stuff on the internet)

While being fairly simplistic, it beat his overcomplicated medically layered monstrosity of an explanation. I didn't have a clue what he was on about and most of the words did not come up on any WEB search (well certainly not how I was trying to spell them). He had the cheek to chuck me a dirty look, while Mrs B gave me an embarrassed "shhhhh". She probably would have given me a discrete kick as well but fortunately I had positioned myself on her bad leg side.....

So Mrs B is now walking with the aid of an Air Cast, which is useful for mobility and getting Mrs B a seat on the train, but as a fashion accessory is proving to be a bit of a nightmare, especially as we have a Wedding and a Spring Ball (Other than the 'hop' and possibly some well orchestrated one legged 'po-going', I think Mrs B might be sitting out most of the dancing) to attend, in the next few weeks. Since high heels are currently out of the question, Mrs B decided she wanted to find a pair of ballet pumps for the events but not just plain ones, she wanted a bit of glitter to cheer herself up.

After traipsing up and down Bishops Stortford High street and failing to find anything suitable in the high-end shoe shops I suggested she try ShoeZone - (a cheap and cheerless basement bargain shop for the not so well heeled). This did not go down well. I pointed out that she had nothing to lose and so begrudgingly she limped towards Shoezone. A surreptitious look around to make sure that no one saw us and she bundled me inside.....She was then mortified to find exactly the type of shoe that she was looking for within seconds and at just £9.99. The shoe shop snob was rather reluctant to buy them. I pointed out that at that price she could afford to wear them a couple of times and then throw them away. She shuffled up to the counter, paid cash so that the purchase could not be traced back to her, refused the offer of a ShoeZone bag and then burst into the street trying to look like she had come out of anywhere but ShoeZone.

McG decides there are to be no photos of the Air Cast...
"Move along, nothing to see here..."


The lastes fashion statement - however
not currently avialable in ShoeZone.....

My Own Health scare
During this time I've had a bit of a health scare myself, namely a growth at the bottom of my mouth. The first question I found myself asking, was it better to see a Doctor or a Dentist?.....I decided on the dentist, as they get to see all sorts of things of an oral nature while doctors have the potential to get side tracked by lots of different parts of the anatomy.

Typical of such things, before I called for an appointment it was growing out of control, I thought I was going to gain a second tongue. Which, while odd, would have been pretty cool. I could have done the whole biblical-talking in tongues and everything. As it was, as soon as I made the appointment the growth stared receding. Fortunately there was enough left by the appointment for the dentist to confirm it was just a common skin tag which would vanish in good time...A quick descale of the old dentures and a follow-up booking, just to make sure everything was fine, and I was out of there. I suspect If I had tried to see the Doctor I would have still been waiting for an appointment....I wonder what my dentist is like with broken bones? I might try sending Mrs B along for a second opinion and a quick toenail scrub....

Yoga playing with fire....
After being berated for failing to make the required Yoga shape in a recent session my comment to my Yogress

"The problem is It's like taking a Ferrari Engine (I.e my body) to a Skoda garage (Her Yoga Class) ...."

Did not go down well. I received some severe adjustments for that one I can tell you.

Not that I ever learn to keep my gob shut. In the very same class, we were told to use the wall to help maintain the shape. My shape was again far from perfect, but in my opinion not bad for someone with early onset rigor mortis. Once again I received some public criticism to which I responded to with:

"I can't help it if you've provided me with the wrong shaped wall."

This was met with a scathing look, which could probably turn an iron bar into a molten pool of metal but had absolutely no effect on my rigid muscles which continued their inflexible approach to living...

Music problems
Bad news for any jukebox fans - currently I can't add new tracks or even change the order. I fear if this does not change I will have to remove it. Damn it was all going so well...

Have a great week, I'll just leave you with a few photo's taken localy

Who says Bishop Storford is not a desirable area to
live in? A swan nesting in the center of town...


Look a second swan, do the maths
1 +1 is going to = Many


Is McG the worlds first self brushing cat?

33 comments:

  1. I think everyone has noted a decrease in bloggy visitors. I know here in New England, it can be directly linked to the recent appearance of the sun and the need to acquire some good ol' fashion vitamin D.

    Glad to hear you and the Mrs are both on the mend.

    And that cat looks like he means business.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mala said...

    I think everyone has noted a decrease in bloggy visitors. I know here in New England, it can be directly linked to the recent appearance of the sun and the need to acquire some good ol' fashion vitamin D. What's wrong with people can't they take Vitamin D tablets and read on....?

    Glad to hear you and the Mrs are both on the mend.
    Yeah, certainly looking forward to Mrs B kicking me around again....

    And that cat looks like he means business.
    Just caught him in the 4 minutes of the day when he was not eating or sleeping...

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  3. Poor Mrs. B. That is a bummer.

    On the other hand, do you recall making a comment about Americans after I trashed my wedding dress for photos (and the dress is perfectly fine, wearable really), yet you'd wear a pair of shoes a few times and throw them away? You must be made of money.

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  4. Looks like Mrs B not dancing, yomping or owl hunting then! I think the pain of living with your habits has toughened her up so much that a broken bone is as nothing by comparison!!! Hugh says 'old bones'. £9.99 for shoes!!! I shall be inspecting them very carefully in case I need to buy some. And on top of all this a lumpy mouth. Quite a stressful week then. Drive VERY carefully on the way here please.

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  5. Poor Mr.s B! hope she is all better very soon!

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  6. Nikki said...

    Poor Mrs. B. That is a bummer.

    On the other hand, do you recall making a comment about Americans after I trashed my wedding dress for photos (and the dress is perfectly fine, wearable really)
    ,Sounds like you sometimes put it on when you pop off down to the supermarket yet you'd wear a pair of shoes a few times and throw them away? You must be made of money. I was just worried about you, what are you going to do for your 2nd and 3rd marriages. That the average number in America isn't it?

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  7. skipperthewonderhorse said...

    Looks like Mrs B not dancing, yomping or owl hunting then!She will be more than happy to drag her bad leg through the fields if she gets to see an owl. We could tie a plastic bag around her boot.

    I think the pain of living with your habits has toughened her up so much that a broken bone is as nothing by comparison!!! Sounds like it was worth putting her through the Gordon Brown treatment....
    Hugh says 'old bones'. He would certainly know....
    £9.99 for shoes!!! I shall be inspecting them very carefully in case I need to buy some. At that price I can see Hugh in a pair of them. Mrs B has admitted to quite liking them
    And on top of all this a lumpy mouth. Quite a stressful week then. Drive VERY carefully on the way here please. You make it sound like I normally drive like a mad man.

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  8. Smileyfreak said...
    Poor Mr.s B! hope she is all better very soon!
    Thank you smiley. Don't worry about my disappointment about not getting a second tongue...

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  9. your driving is usually faultless, its the dropping the soft top in bitterly cold weather and anticipating gasps of pleasure as you zoom along freezing the ears of everyone that troubles me! Will make sure plastic bags for foot cover at the ready...

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  10. My sympathies to Mrs. B...hope she's on the mend. I laughed at your 'talking in tongues' remark regarding the health scare.

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  11. Bloggy traffic is down somewhat. Why - just yesterday, I posted a perfectly funny anecdote regarding one of my esteemed colleagues and alas ... two comments and nary another.

    You blog, as always, is so enjoyable to read. Your wife is a super hero! I would have been milking that broken leg for all it was worth! Hun ... get me some tea ... hun, can you pass me the remote ... hun, would you go let the dog in ...

    Glad to hear you are both on the mend.

    PS - love to see the cheapy shoes...

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  12. skipperthewonderhorse
    your driving is usually faultless, its the dropping the soft top in bitterly cold weather and anticipating gasps of pleasure as you zoom along freezing the ears of everyone that troubles me! Have you not heard of ear muffs?

    Will make sure plastic bags for foot cover at the ready... Mrs B would appreciate if you can make sure there are some owls available along with the plastic bags

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  13. Alan W. Davidson said

    My sympathies to Mrs. B...hope she's on the mend. I laughed at your 'talking in tongues' remark regarding the health scare.
    The dentist liked that remark as well, although with my mouth jammed wide open I'm surprised she could understand me....

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  14. Danica-Dragonfly said...

    Bloggy traffic is down somewhat. Why - just yesterday, I posted a perfectly funny anecdote regarding one of my esteemed colleagues and alas ... two comments and nary another.
    You have three now

    You blog, as always, is so enjoyable to read. Your wife is a super hero! I would have been milking that broken leg for all it was worth! Hun ... get me some tea ... hun, can you pass me the remote ... hun, would you go let the dog in ...
    I actually have to try and stop her doing things ....

    Glad to hear you are both on the mend. PS - love to see the cheapy shoes...
    I'll try and remember to put a photo of them on next weeks blog....

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  15. i noticed on my last blog entry, i only got one comment (you, actually). i still find this somewhat shocking because i find myself GD hilarious and the second i click "post" on my blog dashboard, i instantly refresh my page about 5,000 times to see the fruits of my labor. as of now, still only one comment. ungrateful internet pigs.

    the song playing on your blogpod when i came to it was kasabian's fire. you really know the way to my heart, mate. this song would make me fall in love with a website about capuchin monkeys at funerals. not that your blog is equal to monkeys and death. honestly. you had me at "...paid cash so that the purchase could not be traced back to her..."

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  16. Poor Mrs B. Hope she's recovering nicely.

    I remember using the same tactics when my mother used to drag me into KwikSave as a kid... furtive look around to check no one from school could see me entering, dash to hide behind the nearest aisle so nobody could catch sight of me through the huge window at the front and always make sure to bring some carrier bags along to save putting things in the incriminating KwikSave ones...

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  17. Yeah...last week was a particularly slow week in Blogville...I'd noted it in a post over at my place and had several ppl claim it was a ghost town at their places as well. I do believe it's across the board, with ppl preferring (gasp!) actual face-to-face conversations over the internet. (I personally don't see why one can't do both)
    Hope Mrs. B's on her way to swing dancing in short order!

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  18. In my defence for lack of posting up comment* - I had a brilliant, witty, entertaining post in reply to your fashion foray on the other blog, but it wouldn't let me post it up, unless I signed away my life and registered, etc. etc. so I lost patience and anyway my tea was ready!

    Will confess I have been in that cheap shoe shop, but only in desperation searching for trainers for one of the boys, but then not only were they cheap in price, they looked cheap as well, so I went for the £7 pair in Tesco's instead.

    What would you have looked like if the skin tag had sprouted on the outside of your face, instead of the inside - yuck!

    Has anyone ever been banned from your yoga class?

    * Unless you have posted since the fashion item, in which case I've missed it and can only grovel and beg forgiveness.

    ReplyDelete
  19. you’re Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...
    i noticed on my last blog entry, i only got one comment (you, actually). i still find this somewhat shocking because i find myself GD hilarious and the second i click "post" on my blog dashboard, i instantly refresh my page about 5,000 times to see the fruits of my labor. as of now, still only one comment. ungrateful internet pigs. First off, thank you for taking the time off of talking about yourself incessantly to visit the BlackLOG and for the record I am really grateful that you don’t have a gun….But then I’m always grateful when I find people don’t have one The Blog world sure can be a hash mistress, just when you pull out all the stops and post a killer, the sun comes out, everyone’s PC’s stop working…..

    the song playing on your blogpod when i came to it was kasabian's fire. you really know the way to my heart, mate. this song would make me fall in love with a website about capuchin monkeys at funerals. not that your blog is equal to monkeys and death. honestly. you had me at "...paid cash so that the purchase could not be traced back to her..." I’m afraid the Jukebox is a sick puppy at the moment, I used to be able to add and control the song order but about two weeks ago it seems to have stopped taking new songs or even allowing me to set the order….Grrrr. I at least managed to flip it to produce a random order. Glad it produced a song that you like; you should treat it as destiny and keep coming back every week. I’ll also see if I can track down some of those monkeys and try burying them for you….

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  20. bevchen said...
    Poor Mrs B. Hope she's recovering nicely. Again a fixation with, the admittedly lovely, Mrs B. I’ll survive don’t worry….Back to Mrs B, she is doing well and in good spirits

    I remember using the same tactics when my mother used to drag me into KwikSave as a kid... furtive look around to check no one from school could see me entering, dash to hide behind the nearest aisle so nobody could catch sight of me through the huge window at the front and always make sure to bring some carrier bags along to save putting things in the incriminating KwikSave ones... Kwiksave Kiddy Crushers, that sounds actually worse than the dreaded Tesco Toe Punter trainers from my era….

    ReplyDelete
  21. kathryn said...

    Yeah...last week was a particularly slow week in Blogville...I'd noted it in a post over at my place and had several ppl claim it was a ghost town at their places as well. I do believe it's across the board, with ppl preferring (gasp!) actual face-to-face conversations over the internet. (I personally don't see why one can't do both) Face to face conversations over the internet, sounds like a good way of spreading internet viruses about

    Hope Mrs. B's on her way to swing dancing in short order! A bit harsh, she's a bit sensitive about her height....But as I always say, "Both feet touch the ground, what's your problem?"

    ReplyDelete
  22. Imo said...

    In my defence for lack of posting up comment* - I had a brilliant, witty, entertaining post in reply to your fashion foray on the other blog, but it wouldn't let me post it up, unless I signed away my life and registered, etc. etc. so I lost patience and anyway my tea was ready! Hmmm so you think tea trumps blogging, I'm very disappointed in you IMO....

    Will confess I have been in that cheap shoe shop, but only in desperation searching for trainers for one of the boys, but then not only were they cheap in price, they looked cheap as well, so I went for the £7 pair in Tesco's instead. How can you say such a thing "They Looked Cheap as well", I will be trying to steer Mrs B towards ShoeZone until the economy recovers. We all have to make certain sacrifices.....

    What would you have looked like if the skin tag had sprouted on the outside of your face, instead of the inside - yuck! I would probably have claimed it as a second nose and put myself in a freak show...


    Has anyone ever been banned from your yoga class? Yes, and it wasn't me....One woman kept ignoring the instructions and doing her own thing. I on the other hand attempt to follow the instructions but I'm just rubbish at it.

    * Unless you have posted since the fashion item, in which case I've missed it and can only grovel and beg forgiveness. I did post it onto the BlackLOG site as well...Not only did my Blog swap experience fail to get me any new readers, it actually reduced my number of followers.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Just read the blog, wow that is quite something Mrs B has to wear on her leg. I do feel for her. How long will she have to wear it for?

    Loved the bit about the yoga and "The problem is It's like taking a Ferrari Engine (I.e my body) to a Skoda garage (Her Yoga Class) ...." - a classic MrB line, I'm sorry I wasn't there to witness it.

    I went to Grange Paddocks last Friday to do my mum's yoga class, I have to say the studio was lovely and the people were really friendly too. Impressions so far are very good, I'm even tempted to join.

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  24. Kirsty

    Yes, not very fetching is it? At least I can take it on and off, unlike a plaster cast. I hope I only have to wear it for another 2 weeks but need the consultant to "sign me off" first.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Kirsty said...
    Just read the blog, wow that is quite something Mrs B has to wear on her leg. I do feel for her. How long will she have to wear it for?

    Loved the bit about the yoga and "The problem is It's like taking a Ferrari Engine (I.e my body) to a Skoda garage (Her Yoga Class) ...." - a classic MrB line, I'm sorry I wasn't there to witness it.
    I heard someone Walked out halfway through on Friday, after Lorna forgot it wasn't me and kept picking on them...No staying power some people.

    I went to Grange Paddocks last Friday to do my mum's yoga class, I have to say the studio was lovely and the people were really friendly too. Impressions so far are very good, I'm even tempted to join.
    Everything is great with the gym, except for the Pool (you can wait till next weeks blog for that classic) and still a few quibbles with the changing rooms)

    ReplyDelete
  26. I find "early onset rigor mortis" quite funny. I think I suffer from the same affliction, but I have just never recognized it as such. It's why I stay away from yoga.

    Still beats a broken foot! I hope she's on the mend :)

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  27. Oh my goodness! I hope that Mrs. B is feeling better and all healed up very soon.

    "early onset rigor mortis" cracked me UP! I love it. For the record, I would have laughed along with you at all of your yoga comments. Your yogress has no SOH! LOL!

    The swans are beautiful and McG is a fabulous defender! Beautiful shots!

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  28. Brooke said...

    I find "early onset rigor mortis" quite funny. I think I suffer from the same affliction, but I have just never recognized it as such. It's why I stay away from yoga.
    I bet you can get close to touching your toes. I can only see mine because I still have such good eye sight....
    Still beats a broken foot! I hope she's on the mend :)
    She's doing OK, particularly on the days I don't trip up over it....ouch, I managed to get more tears out of her....sorry Mrs B

    ReplyDelete
  29. Krista said...

    Oh my goodness! I hope that Mrs. B is feeling better and all healed up very soon.
    She seems to be limping her way back to fitness

    "early onset rigor mortis" cracked me UP! I love it. For the record, I would have laughed along with you at all of your yoga comments. Your yogress has no SOH! LOL!
    To be fair she does have a SOH, it's just she likes to express it through the medium of pain, particularly mine....

    The swans are beautiful and McG is a fabulous defender! Beautiful shots!
    He certainly does look like he means business but honestly the slightest whiff of anything outside his comfort zone will see him defending the darkest part of the nearest cupboard

    ReplyDelete
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