Mrs B leaves....Gulp....

Mrs B has packed her bags and left…

In truth I have known that it was coming for a few months but have been powerless to do anything about it

All I know is the house feels empty and I find my self going through the motions of living….. putting out two bowls for breakfast, when only one is needed. Boiling the kettle for a cup of tea that Mrs B will not drink.

The pain and the loss cuts through me like a knife, even the cats are more mopey then usual.

I know this sounds over dramatic (of course it is, this is BlackLOG after all what did you expect?) but in the last 16 years Mrs B and I  have not spent more than a couple of nights apart.  To find her on the other side of the world for almost 2 weeks, while she is in Hong Kong and then Shanghai on business, is quite a shock to the system (The fact that she is not available for editing duties may come as a shock to your reading enjoyment and help you realise what an important part Mrs B plays in the production of the BlackLOG) ….It certainly makes me realise how much she means to me and how lucky I am to have discovered a true soul mate.

It is strange only being able to talk to her on the phone, especially as it is normally while I’m going to bed and she is just getting up,  mainly because I’m being used as some sort of trans-continental alarm clock. Then when she is going to bed in her 5* hotel she generally catches me part way through the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (The extended versions, there have to be some perks to being abandoned….. In fact if my work and the list of tasks that Mrs B left me had not got in the way I probably would be work my way through the Six Star wars films, The God Father trilogy and any other film franchise I could find…..)

Since Mrs B has Mini Beast with her for company, I look forward to her being able to share her vision and experience in a future BlackLOG – I just hope the promise of external reports from Hong Kong and China proves more successful than my attempts to bring you the on the spot reporting from the Vancouver Winter Olympics…

"Yes Mitch I’m still waiting……"

Taps fingers impatiently on the desk...

watches less than fresh tumbleweed drifting passed...

"As you are possibly a little beyond your original deadline…..how about a historical view of events.  I’m prepared to give you a new deadline for this, lets say anytime in the next twenty five years…."

A big thanks to Craig and Mala, Joe & Kirsty who have taken it in turns to take pity on this poor abandoned soul and provided both sustenance and company to see me through these moderately dark time…..

The BlackLOG to be made into a film?

Not as far fetched as it might sound, especially since I’ve entered my “how to almost create the perfect gig experience” into a channel 4/American express competition

Unfortunately it had to be decimated down to 200 words - If you are a regular BlackLOG reader you will know I don't do things in 200 words.....

If you get the chance please check it out by clicking on the following link And if you enjoy it please click on the “Like” button....

My Gig experience

If I win you get the reward of seeing one of my most embarrassing moments made into a short film....I just hope they don't get Mr Bean to play me.... If you are really feeling particularly evil feel free to pass this weeks Blog onto other people who would like to see my embarrassment come to life….

P.S This bit is very important, don't look at any other entries, especially if they look far more interesting then my entry….

Keep fit
We have been going along to body balance on a Sunday morning for the last three or four months now and since the football season (that’s soccer to you Americans) has started up again have been going to the class before it as well – Body Combat. This is mainly because our club shares the car park with a number of local Sunday teams and unless we get there early enough we would have to park further away than we live (well obviously that’s not true, but it sounds like a good enough reason for getting up early on a Sunday).

Our normal teacher was away this week so they sent along a substitute, which would have been good except she didn’t actually get around to asking what level we had reached. So her attempts to teach the class the keep fit equivalent of Advanced Quantum Physics proved a little over the top to a class that was effectively still attempting to master basic potato printing level 1 (i.e no sharp objects allowed only spoons to carve out the basic shapes in the spud ….)

I can’t believe I didn’t get slapped for this….
I may have failed to mention that the substitute Advances Quantum Physics Body Combat teacher was heavily pregnant. This did not stop her bouncing around like a mad woman, putting the rest of us to shame. The result of her exertions was the development of a rather sweat ladened area of floor around her....

I innocently asked her if her waters had broken.....

Fortunately for me she found it funny, allowing for another entry in “I can’t believe I didn’t get slapped for this….” rather than a trip to a local casualty department...

A record of the week

She's Leaving Home - by The Beatles (But she is coming back again, thankfully)

She left me on Friday - by Shed Seven (OK so it was actually a Monday that she left on but you get the gist....)

The Bed's Too Big Without You - by Sting (Not entirely true as McG and Mischief manage to take up more than their fair share....)

Delicious - by Shampoo (Oh no this only makes sense if you read the Photo finish section below – I was tempted to put the "Record of the week" after "Photo finish" for this weeks BlackLOG but felt that it would have somewhat ruined the whole illusion of the description)

Delicious - by Sleeper (The cakes are so good I thought two songs were warranted)

She's Bought A Hat Like Princess Marina - by The Kinks (Once more my dear readers you will have to go into the depths that is Photo finish to understand the inclusion of this little ditty…)

Boris the spider – by The Who (Oh why do I have to make life so difficult for myself, it's only a description after all....Once again (and the last time) you will have to delve down into the next section)

Photo finish
Hats
We are off to Cuba in October on a cycling trip. Although Mrs B will deny it, she has never been a fan of cycling helmets, so I made it my mission to find something a little bit different to protect our noggins.  As preparation goes it certainly beats doing some complicated keep fit routine. The idea behind the Yakkay helmets is a basic helmet with interchangeable covers.

As Mrs B is currently on the other side of the world our friends Kirsty and Joe kindly did some modelling for me – in case of any doubts they are the ones that carry the hats of with style, while I’m the one that looks like a prat in a hat (just as well I don’t take life too seriously).

I have no doubt Mrs B will be able to carry the hats off with her normal grace and beauty, leaving me aiming at best freak chic……

In case of ant doubt the pink one is for Mrs B. I really wanted the Russian Cossack version (It was actually advertised as a Russian Tsarina) which I though would have been fantastic for skiing but alas they seemed to have stopped selling it – I suspect much to Mrs B’s great relief.

Instead I have had to make do with a white Polo style cover and a Green Fido style one.

Let’s hope the Cubans don’t take offence or worse think I am attempting a counter revolution…..

While Kirsty shows how to wear the

hat with a bit of style....Yes ladies

this is a cycling helmet....

I manage to come off more like

Freddy Parrot face Davies  

rather than Brad Pitt... 

Don't let this man anywhere near your cornflakes.....

Joe looks like the world first polo

playing serial killer....

Yes Teach, even I know it's a different

spelling but it's still a great joke.....

No, OK I'll get my hat.....

I think Yakkay might pay me

vast sums of money not to

model any more of  their hats....

Could this be the new Kylie????

You say you want a revolution.....

Move over Fidel I'm cycling through..

Please tell me you didn’t really expect

the other type of revolution?

Delicious
Well after a heart felt request from Teach I have risked my waistline and dropped into Delicious to take some pictures of the cakes. While I was there it would have been rude not to partake in the produce…

I got chatting to the owner, Adam, who showed me how to make a proper frothy coffee (you have to froth the bubbles when the milk is cold and not hot.  Which explains how Mrs B and I have been failing to make it properly for years. This almost feels a bit like I’ve extracting some great secret out of the Magic Circle) he also showed me how to create the art work on the top of the coffee

– hmmm, I think I will have to be content with the improved frothiness …..

I would like to point out (In case Mrs B is listening) I only had one cake, which was the Chocolate Malteser cake but feel you should have the opportunity to feed (at least your eyes) on some of the other choices. If you are ever in Bishops Stortford you should drop in, you will get a warm welcome, good service and leave very fat and happy….

I don’t think they are expecting anyone to eat

the Tea Room itself.  Well certainly not in one

sitting, but if you find yourself in the general

vicinity you should pop in and sample some

of the great cakes…

Victoria Sandwich, no relation to the Earl of Sandwich.

Just as well, I’m not sure that sticking this behemoth

between two slices of bread is going to improve

anyone’s waist line....

I might have to try it though, if Mrs B introduces that

blanket cake ban that she has been threatening me with..

The scene - Delicious Tea Shop Bishops Stortford

Two years into the total cake ban

Mrs B has just walked in

Mrs B

"Is that cake?”

Me

Desperately trying to shove the

rest in, in one convenient (and

all hiding) go

“Hmmm, ummm, yum

Burp!”

Wiping away any incriminating crumbs

“No, no not cake, just having a healthy sandwich…

Did you notice it was on Granary*?”

*You have to make some sacrifices in life

Director

"That's a wrap"**

** Didn't he listen I clearly said it was a sandwich....  

I could really get into this film malarkey, so get those votes in....

Blueberry cake

With all that fruit on board, this is technically

(well in BlackLOG terms) healthy eating....

So best avoided….

Lemon Meringue cake, better call the gym and

book in some extra session to work this one off. 

Malteser cake - who can resist - I know I can't....

At this point if I was an ancient Roman***, or a

Supermodel, I would be calling for a feather ......

If you don't know what I'm talking about,

best not to ask.... 

*** Rather than an aging Britain

The spiders from Mars (well our back garden actually)

Having watched Lord of the Rings this week it seems more than apt to have discover these fearsome chaps in the garden. While they are no Shelob (if you don’t know you will just have to read the books or watch the film) they do manage to portray the true horrors of our eight legged friends....

It's just as well Mrs B is away, I'm also a bit

worried about the cats going outside...

I think one of them has brought its own lunch….
hang on a second isn’t that young Frodo Baggins…

Hope to see you back next week...