Monday 27 September 2010

Mrs B leaves....Gulp....

Mrs B has packed her bags and left…

In truth I have known that it was coming for a few months but have been powerless to do anything about it

All I know is the house feels empty and I find my self going through the motions of living….. putting out two bowls for breakfast, when only one is needed. Boiling the kettle for a cup of tea that Mrs B will not drink.

The pain and the loss cuts through me like a knife, even the cats are more mopey then usual.

I know this sounds over dramatic (of course it is, this is BlackLOG after all what did you expect?) but in the last 16 years Mrs B and I  have not spent more than a couple of nights apart.  To find her on the other side of the world for almost 2 weeks, while she is in Hong Kong and then Shanghai on business, is quite a shock to the system (The fact that she is not available for editing duties may come as a shock to your reading enjoyment and help you realise what an important part Mrs B plays in the production of the BlackLOG) ….It certainly makes me realise how much she means to me and how lucky I am to have discovered a true soul mate.

It is strange only being able to talk to her on the phone, especially as it is normally while I’m going to bed and she is just getting up,  mainly because I’m being used as some sort of trans-continental alarm clock. Then when she is going to bed in her 5* hotel she generally catches me part way through the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (The extended versions, there have to be some perks to being abandoned….. In fact if my work and the list of tasks that Mrs B left me had not got in the way I probably would be work my way through the Six Star wars films, The God Father trilogy and any other film franchise I could find…..)

Since Mrs B has Mini Beast with her for company, I look forward to her being able to share her vision and experience in a future BlackLOG – I just hope the promise of external reports from Hong Kong and China proves more successful than my attempts to bring you the on the spot reporting from the Vancouver Winter Olympics…

"Yes Mitch I’m still waiting……"

Taps fingers impatiently on the desk...

watches less than fresh tumbleweed drifting passed...

"As you are possibly a little beyond your original deadline…..how about a historical view of events.  I’m prepared to give you a new deadline for this, lets say anytime in the next twenty five years…."

A big thanks to Craig and Mala, Joe & Kirsty who have taken it in turns to take pity on this poor abandoned soul and provided both sustenance and company to see me through these moderately dark time…..

The BlackLOG to be made into a film?

Not as far fetched as it might sound, especially since I’ve entered my “how to almost create the perfect gig experience” into a channel 4/American express competition

Unfortunately it had to be decimated down to 200 words - If you are a regular BlackLOG reader you will know I don't do things in 200 words.....

If you get the chance please check it out by clicking on the following link And if you enjoy it please click on the “Like” button....

My Gig experience

If I win you get the reward of seeing one of my most embarrassing moments made into a short film....I just hope they don't get Mr Bean to play me.... If you are really feeling particularly evil feel free to pass this weeks Blog onto other people who would like to see my embarrassment come to life….

P.S This bit is very important, don't look at any other entries, especially if they look far more interesting then my entry….

Keep fit
We have been going along to body balance on a Sunday morning for the last three or four months now and since the football season (that’s soccer to you Americans) has started up again have been going to the class before it as well – Body Combat. This is mainly because our club shares the car park with a number of local Sunday teams and unless we get there early enough we would have to park further away than we live (well obviously that’s not true, but it sounds like a good enough reason for getting up early on a Sunday).

Our normal teacher was away this week so they sent along a substitute, which would have been good except she didn’t actually get around to asking what level we had reached. So her attempts to teach the class the keep fit equivalent of Advanced Quantum Physics proved a little over the top to a class that was effectively still attempting to master basic potato printing level 1 (i.e no sharp objects allowed only spoons to carve out the basic shapes in the spud ….)

I can’t believe I didn’t get slapped for this….
I may have failed to mention that the substitute Advances Quantum Physics Body Combat teacher was heavily pregnant. This did not stop her bouncing around like a mad woman, putting the rest of us to shame. The result of her exertions was the development of a rather sweat ladened area of floor around her....

I innocently asked her if her waters had broken.....

Fortunately for me she found it funny, allowing for another entry in “I can’t believe I didn’t get slapped for this….” rather than a trip to a local casualty department...

A record of the week

She's Leaving Home - by The Beatles (But she is coming back again, thankfully)

She left me on Friday - by Shed Seven (OK so it was actually a Monday that she left on but you get the gist....)

The Bed's Too Big Without You - by Sting (Not entirely true as McG and Mischief manage to take up more than their fair share....)

Delicious - by Shampoo (Oh no this only makes sense if you read the Photo finish section below – I was tempted to put the "Record of the week" after "Photo finish" for this weeks BlackLOG but felt that it would have somewhat ruined the whole illusion of the description)

Delicious - by Sleeper (The cakes are so good I thought two songs were warranted)

She's Bought A Hat Like Princess Marina - by The Kinks (Once more my dear readers you will have to go into the depths that is Photo finish to understand the inclusion of this little ditty…)

Boris the spiderby The Who (Oh why do I have to make life so difficult for myself, it's only a description after all....Once again (and the last time) you will have to delve down into the next section)

Photo finish
Hats
We are off to Cuba in October on a cycling trip. Although Mrs B will deny it, she has never been a fan of cycling helmets, so I made it my mission to find something a little bit different to protect our noggins.  As preparation goes it certainly beats doing some complicated keep fit routine. The idea behind the Yakkay helmets is a basic helmet with interchangeable covers.

As Mrs B is currently on the other side of the world our friends Kirsty and Joe kindly did some modelling for me – in case of any doubts they are the ones that carry the hats of with style, while I’m the one that looks like a prat in a hat (just as well I don’t take life too seriously).

I have no doubt Mrs B will be able to carry the hats off with her normal grace and beauty, leaving me aiming at best freak chic……

In case of ant doubt the pink one is for Mrs B. I really wanted the Russian Cossack version (It was actually advertised as a Russian Tsarina) which I though would have been fantastic for skiing but alas they seemed to have stopped selling it – I suspect much to Mrs B’s great relief.

Instead I have had to make do with a white Polo style cover and a Green Fido style one.

Let’s hope the Cubans don’t take offence or worse think I am attempting a counter revolution…..

While Kirsty shows how to wear the
hat with a bit of style....Yes ladies
this is a cycling helmet....

I manage to come off more like
rather than Brad Pitt... 

Don't let this man anywhere near your cornflakes.....

Joe looks like the world first polo
playing serial killer....

Yes Teach, even I know it's a different
spelling but it's still a great joke.....

No, OK I'll get my hat.....

I think Yakkay might pay me
vast sums of money not to
model any more of  their hats....

Could this be the new Kylie????

You say you want a revolution.....
Move over Fidel I'm cycling through..

Please tell me you didn’t really expect
the other type of revolution?

Delicious
Well after a heart felt request from Teach I have risked my waistline and dropped into Delicious to take some pictures of the cakes. While I was there it would have been rude not to partake in the produce…

I got chatting to the owner, Adam, who showed me how to make a proper frothy coffee (you have to froth the bubbles when the milk is cold and not hot.  Which explains how Mrs B and I have been failing to make it properly for years. This almost feels a bit like I’ve extracting some great secret out of the Magic Circle) he also showed me how to create the art work on the top of the coffee

– hmmm, I think I will have to be content with the improved frothiness …..

I would like to point out (In case Mrs B is listening) I only had one cake, which was the Chocolate Malteser cake but feel you should have the opportunity to feed (at least your eyes) on some of the other choices. If you are ever in Bishops Stortford you should drop in, you will get a warm welcome, good service and leave very fat and happy….

I don’t think they are expecting anyone to eat
the Tea Room itself.  Well certainly not in one
sitting, but if you find yourself in the general
vicinity you should pop in and sample some
of the great cakes…

Victoria Sandwich, no relation to the Earl of Sandwich.
Just as well, I’m not sure that sticking this behemoth
between two slices of bread is going to improve
anyone’s waist line....

I might have to try it though, if Mrs B introduces that
blanket cake ban that she has been threatening me with..

The scene - Delicious Tea Shop Bishops Stortford
Two years into the total cake ban

Mrs B has just walked in

Mrs B
"Is that cake?”

Me
Desperately trying to shove the
rest in, in one convenient (and
all hiding) go

“Hmmm, ummm, yum
Burp!”

Wiping away any incriminating crumbs

No, no not cake, just having a healthy sandwich…
Did you notice it was on Granary*?”

*You have to make some sacrifices in life


Director
"That's a wrap"**

** Didn't he listen I clearly said it was a sandwich....  

I could really get into this film malarkey, so get those votes in....

Blueberry cake

With all that fruit on board, this is technically
(well in BlackLOG terms) healthy eating....

So best avoided….

Lemon Meringue cake, better call the gym and
book in some extra session to work this one off. 

Malteser cake - who can resist - I know I can't....

At this point if I was an ancient Roman***, or a
Supermodel, I would be calling for a feather ......
If you don't know what I'm talking about,
best not to ask.... 

*** Rather than an aging Britain

The spiders from Mars (well our back garden actually)
Having watched Lord of the Rings this week it seems more than apt to have discover these fearsome chaps in the garden. While they are no Shelob (if you don’t know you will just have to read the books or watch the film) they do manage to portray the true horrors of our eight legged friends....

It's just as well Mrs B is away, I'm also a bit
worried about the cats going outside...

I think one of them has brought its own lunch….
hang on a second isn’t that young Frodo Baggins…
Hope to see you back next week...

18 comments:

  1. Can't get over the hat Mrs.B. is wearing is really a helmet.We certainly don't have anything like it here in the states!. She looks sharp...I like the gray one u r wearing... Your friend looks good in the polo one... Those desserts are to die 4..

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  2. The cakes, the cakes, the cakes. Almost sufficient in themselves to drag us South. When I have all of November off this year we shall come and sample. You have been warned.

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  3. I'll take one of Hat#2 and one of Cake #1, 2 and 3, please.

    I can only imagine how weird it must be without your other half...but how lovely to realize how you two are meant to be together! I'll bet you'll never fight ever again!!!

    Right?

    (Love the new look here....very snazzy.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kalei's Best Friend said...
    Can't get over the hat Mrs.B. is wearing is really a helmet.
    I can confirm that it is really a cycle helmet but it’s not actually Mrs B but my friend Kirsty….

    We certainly don't have anything like it here in the states!. She looks sharp...I like the gray one u r wearing... Your friend looks good in the polo one...
    That youngsters for you they would look good in a bin bag….

    Those desserts are to die 4..
    They are good but I’m not sure I would lay down my life for them….

    ReplyDelete
  5. skipperthewonderhorse said...
    The cakes, the cakes, the cakes. Almost sufficient in themselves to drag us South. When I have all of November off this year we shall come and sample. You have been warned.
    Mrs B is very excited, the cakes are very excited you will have to come down now…..

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kathryn said...
    I'll take one of Hat#2 and one of Cake #1, 2 and 3, please.
    So what’s wrong with Cake#4?

    I can only imagine how weird it must be without your other half...but how lovely to realize how you two are meant to be together! I'll bet you'll never fight ever again!!!

    Right?

    I got a fair bit of stick for being a bit smulchie this week. Luckily I don’t care, we are a good team and god knows she puts up with a lot with me….

    (Love the new look here....very snazzy.)
    Thanks not sure about it yet there is a split on like not like….

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  7. thanks for your nice comment on the pics at my blog - yah it's weird, i must not have gotten the cam with the color option. rip off!
    hope you survive your time without your wife, its seeming to be touch and go :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sorry but I have to say it. First of all you don't know me and i guess you've got no idea about advertising at all. The title "hello i'm nice" has been chosen not only because i'm kinda nice but because i find it cute and funny in an advertsing and marketing way. Secondly no one has asked for any opinion regarding to the name of the blog. i hope you can understand.
    And about anything better than going shopping or going with your mother to do so, it's true there are other things, sorry if i sound frivolous. maybe we don't share the same taste of humour and can't understand the joke
    Oh and just one more thing, if you don't like my blog it's ok coz i may not like yours either. just don't be rude

    just my two cents

    ReplyDelete
  9. Krystal said...
    thanks for your nice comment on the pics at my blog - yah it's weird, i must not have gotten the cam with the color option. rip off!
    It's probabaly a markating scham and you will find you paid extra forhaving thecolour facility removed...

    hope you survive your time without your wife, its seeming to be touch and go :)
    I'm Off life support and making a good recovery...

    ReplyDelete
  10. In the way of background - Barbara is in advertising and her blog is called “Hello I’m nice”, She uses a Canon camera – and was not happy with my attempted humour when I made a comment on the juxtaposition between her being in advertising and the name of her blog…So much so she removed my comment from her Blog- Like I always say, I don't try to offend but it just seems to come naturally to me....I guess I should be banned from nice blogs

    Barbara said...

    Sorry but I have to say it. First of all you don't know me and i guess you've got no idea about advertising at all. The title "hello i'm nice" has been chosen not only because i'm kinda nice but because i find it cute and funny in an advertsing and marketing way. Secondly no one has asked for any opinion regarding to the name of the blog. i hope you can understand.
    And about anything better than going shopping or going with your mother to do so, it's true there are other things, sorry if i sound frivolous. maybe we don't share the same taste of humour and can't understand the joke
    Oh and just one more thing, if you don't like my blog it's ok coz i may not like yours either. just don't be rude

    just my two cents


    Sorry that I managed to upset you – clearly my sense of humour is not to your taste. – I guess it’s a bit like Marmite, love it or hate it (for the record I hate it)

    True other than being a big fan of Mad Men, I known little or nothing about advertising. Still knowledge (or lack of it) has never stopped me having an opinion (What can I say I like playing Devils Advocate – after all we can’t all be nice, where would the fun be in that?)

    P.S I much prefer “Travis Re-offender” over “Elias & The Wizzkidd - The Dance” but was a bit worried about having a second comment removed from your blog – After all two rejections in one day…..would clearly label me as a Re-offender (I never claimed it was a great sense of humour)

    P.P.S - Sorry that you got the impression that I didn’t like your blog …

    P.P.P.S – I guess now would be a bad time to mention I’m a Nikon user*, I moved over from canon when I went digital – I know, I know I’m not making any friends hear. It was more to do with the low light capability of the Nikon and the fact that all Nikon lenses from day one will work with the latest Nikon camera, while my old Canon lenses became obsolete...

    * The Beast – I guess you will never meet him as you have already made your mind up about the BlackLOG – your probably right I would no doubt offend you within the opening paragraph….

    On that note I’ll get my coat….

    I think that was about £15.24p worth - no charge…..

    ReplyDelete
  11. you're kind of hilarious and i chuckled several times throughout this post (although do feel bad that you're missing your wife!! - she'll be back soon!!) make sure the cats exercise. and keep them away from the spiders!! i think that's gandalf the grey! (why even bother to watch the trilogy if not in extended version?? points!)

    xoxo,
    carrie

    ReplyDelete
  12. That last helmet looks like a riding hat!

    Have you not considered cycling to your bounce class so as to avoid having to park a car at all?

    I have to say I didn't notice any typos, so you must be rising to the challenge of actually being able to spell whilst Mrs B is away.

    I have walked past Delicious a few times now, and having seen the cakes will have to persuade Mr Imo out of his comfort zone called Cafe Nero so he can buy me cake.

    And as for the spider photos - aghhhhhh. I spotted at last 20 in our garden just today - I swear there's a major infestation going on and the government are doing nothing to kill them.

    ReplyDelete
  13. At first I thought you wifey had left you! Glad to find out that was not the case :)
    And I managed to stay away from getting more than two swethers, even if I am hopeless with always picking up severa colors of things I like. Never went as far at 12 though :)

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  14. this free bird said...
    you're kind of hilarious and i chuckled several times throughout this post
    Thankfully it wasn’t one of my serious postings

    (although do feel bad that you're missing your wife!! - she'll be back soon!!)


    make sure the cats exercise. and keep them away from the spiders!!
    You have not met McG before have you…The only exercise he will tolerate is eating. I guess he could always try and eat his way through the spiders….


    i think that's gandalf the grey! (why even bother to watch the trilogy if not in extended version?? points!)
    Gandolf cought by Shelob…I don’t think so….Mrs B struggled to get through the theatre versions claiming they were the worst films she had ever slept through, which is why I took the opportunity to watch them while she was away


    xoxo,
    Carrie

    Thanks for dropping in hope you come back again

    ReplyDelete
  15. Imo said...
    That last helmet looks like a riding hat!
    Don’t you start, Mrs B has been saying that from day one…When I’m in prison in Cuba for impersonating Fido Castro I’ll write and remind you…

    Have you not considered cycling to your bounce class so as to avoid having to park a car at all?
    That would involve real exercise and besides I might get my cycle hat dirty…

    I have to say I didn't notice any typos, so you must be rising to the challenge of actually being able to spell whilst Mrs B is away.
    You are I feel being very kind, I noticed a few mistakes but then could not remember where they were…

    I have walked past Delicious a few times now, and having seen the cakes will have to persuade Mr Imo out of his comfort zone called Cafe Nero so he can buy me cake.
    The service and coffee is so much better in Delicious and don’t get me started on how good the cakes are…


    And as for the spider photos - aghhhhhh. I spotted at last 20 in our garden just today - I swear there's a major infestation going on and the government are doing nothing to kill them.
    How could you say such a thing, spiders do a great service, think of all the fly’s they take down.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Signe said...
    At first I thought you wifey had left you! Glad to find out that was not the case :)
    At last some one who fell for the opening few lines…Mrs B said I did not keep the rouse up for long enough… See I need my editor….

    And I managed to stay away from getting more than two swethers, even if I am hopeless with always picking up severa colors of things I like. Never went as far at 12 though :)
    Only 10 to go, why stop there?

    ReplyDelete
  17. BlackLOG said...

    How could you say such a thing, spiders do a great service, think of all the fly’s they take down.


    I have a fly swat, not a fancy one like Penny's, but it does the job!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Imo said...
    I have a fly swat, not a fancy one like Penny's, but it does the job!
    I’ve not seen Penny’s fancy fly swat, but I suspect it was a Paul purchase..

    ReplyDelete

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