* This reminds me of the time my father took my mother to a property auction (Please don’t judge my father for what sounds like a strange choice of leisure activity. You have to remember, this would have been in the 1970’s, when entertainment wasn’t as refined as it is today. If someone started painting their house**, half the road would turn up to watch, while the other half would be constantly popping out for regular updates on progress and to supply tea and sarnies). The last item for sale was a dilapidated cottage….. just as the unenthusiastic bidding started to peter out altogether my mother raised her hand and put in a bid.
My poor father almost had kittens – jumping up and screaming “No!!!!”
Fortunately the auctioneer took pity on my father and agreed that he would disregard my mother's bid – I have a feeling that if the gavel had come down then it would have formed a legal and binding contract and my parents would have had to sell their house, all their possessions, my sister, probably me and still have been in debt for the next thousand years. All for a wreck with a tarpaulin roof.
When my father interrogated my mother later, she admitted that she had not wanted to miss out on the opportunity of making at least one bid and panicked as the bidding stalled, ….My father never took her to another auction...
** I remember one year my father put a special undercoat on our house, which was an odd silver colour. One of the neighbours complained bitterly about my father's choice of colour, so he left it on for six months, pretending that it was the actual colour he had chosen. He got the last laugh though, as the top coat he chose was a horrific purple colour (So bad, even Prince would have had second thoughts about adopting it) ….
After more complaints from other neighbours he eventually relented and repainted the house a sort of shit brown colour. If the same appalling colour was still available today it would probably be branded with some exotic name like “Nutmeg brown with a hint of bovine effluence” and thus become instantly acceptable and copied by all around but it wasn’t. At this point the neighbours stopped complaining and the "For Sale" boards came out quicker than British Leyland staff who could be relied on in the 70's to strike over almost any matter, including:-
- No custard creams left during a crucial tea break…. The inhumanity of it all, better get in touch with the court of human rights
- Substandard pillows being supplied for the night shift….hardly fair when the day shift got comfy chairs and a state of the art computer system to ensure they did not get bored in between tea breaks....
- One of the union member's neighbour had painted their house a horrible colour….I don’t think my dad was responsible for this one, but you never know?
- The only courtesy cars provided for staff being ones off the BL production Line…Talk about insulting your work force
- Falling sales leading to bankruptcy of the company – “Right lads all out…” You have to ask yourself if British Airways staff have attended the same “How to live your life like a Lemming” seminar. This is not to be confused with the "How to live your life like a lemon” seminar, which is similar except instead of throwing yourself off a cliff and dashing your brains out on the rocks, you throw yourself into a large G&T on the rocks and let the strong alcoholic content dash your brains out for you….
- Dastardly rival car manufacturers producing better cars.... (including Corgi and Matchbox)- Little wonder they were constantly on strike.
She (Lady Gaga) may have looked hot, but what you don’t seem to appreciate is the thousands of innocent little “Pinks”*** that Sacrificed their meaningless lives just for that one dress.
- girly girl rooms, wardrobes, cars, even particularly girly blogs and categorically on anything associated with either Barbie or Barbara Cartland. You have to wonder if Barbie will morph into Barbara once the boob jobs (no way are those real, they are so plastic it's embarrassing, they haven’t even put the nipples back on…) and Botox (the fixed expression is a dead giveaway) start to fail….
- They can certainly be found congregating around the more sensitive type of male.
- The more insensitive man can sometimes get away with a sudden infestation….especially if Mrs B insists they look good and can get away with it…
but never, I repeat never, Day-Glo Pink….
Certainly not after that incident in Ibiza that you promised would never be mentioned again…..
I’m warning you if you say one more word about Ibiza, I’m taking these tight black leather trousers, ribbed white T-shirt and I’m flouncing out of here….
I thought nothing much more about it until a few hours later when I went to Yoga. Zilch wrong with that, except when I got out my Yoga blocks (I need all the help I can get....) instead of my nice set of masculine black blocks out flopped four bright pink ones. Either my blocks had come down with a sudden pinkfestation or I had accidently picked up Mrs B’s yoga bag ....
Hmm, it got worse, instead of my normal Yogress, who knows me well, we had a substitute teacher. Pink blocks and screaming like a girl (I can’t help it that’s my yoga thing. Cursed with a high pain threshold but with an inbuilt early warning system.............incredibly early) I fear she thought I was light on my loafers. I’m not sure I should be insulted or relieved that I didn’t get invited to be Yogress2’s new GBF….
As I said Karma can be a bitch and for pink Thursday she totally owned me….
Monitoring our way to a fortune (or not) with our Solar Panels
This has earned us approximately – £97 so far
KW generated in the week - 22
Record of the week
Instant Karma by John Lennon
Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones - In memory of my father, this was as close as I could get to Paint it Nutmeg brown with a hint of bovine effluence...
Lily the Pink by The Scaffold
More cat pictures and finally some bird action at our "no expense spared, all you can eat bird buffet"....