The Tea Room previously known as Delicious

I’m sad to report that my favourite Tea Room – ‘Delicious’ exists no more.....

However before you all go into mourning on behalf of my loss (P.S. I will be judging you harshly if you were not feeling slightly down at this point ...) I can report, with much delight, that it is not the end but a new beginning. A bit of a spruce up, a new name, some tweaks to the menu and it has been re-launched as The South Street Pantry. The same happy staff (the look of “Oh no not you again” is hardly noticeable) and a friendly atmosphere .... They also now serve alcohol, which doesn’t mean a lot to me as a non-drinker*, but apparently does to the majority of this drunken country of mine....

* Non- drinkers discriminated against
It has come to my attention that as a non-drinker I am being discriminated against when it comes to dieting. The high calorific count for alcohol means that you pesky drinkers can lose shed loads of weight by just stopping drinking for half an hour. Not so for me – I have to give up eating entirely for about 18 months before an ounce disappears off the scales**....Now don’t you go accusing me of eating all the cakes at the Tea Room previously known as Delicious – I have, for the record, been surviving on a diet of Hummus – hold the celery and carrot sticks – (do I look like a rabbit?) and salads (OK, it does sound like I’m starting to eat like one). This barely leaves me enough energy to lift my full fat Latte, with whipped cream, chocolate droppings, marshmallows and 15 spoons of sugar .....


** I’m thinking of inventing a new scales which you can pre-program with your desired weight....


Imaginary conversation ....well more of a monologue really


Me – “Mrs B - I’m down to 6 stone, I had better eat loads of fattening stuff before I fade away............”


Mrs B – nothing said just a stony stare that would make solid granite blush.....


Me – “By the way you appear to have shrunk all my clothes*** and the house doors**** in that last wash......You should never boil wash doors..


*** They should be hanging off my 6 stone skeletal, if unbelievably well upholstered body....


**** Why else would they prevent me from wafting from room to room?


Mrs B - Shaking her head sadly, with a ‘Why me?’ or possibly “Give me strength” expression on her cute little face..

I happened to be the last customer of Delicious or would have been if Adam (1/3 owner) had let me pay for my drinks – so I guess my claim is to being more of the last Freeloader. As a nice bit of symmetry I was the first customer through the door for the re-launch party (rumours that I camped outside for the four days of renovations are wildly exaggerated – I happened to be pining at home). Since the Beast was with me on both occasions I can share with you not just the demise but also the phoenix rising from the flames – just meander down to Photo Finish once you get bored with the wordy bits.....although most of you probably haven’t made it this far and are probably already down there.....

I was chatting to Adam who mentioned that while the majority of people were positive about the name change, a small minority acted as if Adam had slapped them around the face and then stolen their first born child and put them to bed early .... That sounds like a clear case of Kiddy-napping to me.....

Socialising with lettuce
I noticed when I was paying for a bag of lettuce – I was self scanning, so had plenty of time to read the packaging as I desperately turned it over trying to find the damn bar code....It apparently has its own face book page. What the hell is going on, I struggle to eat the bloody stuff let alone have a desire to socially interact with it....

I can only assume it has a limited range of Facebook status. Select from :-

- On the shelf

- In the Fridge

- In a bowl*****
***** Posh households only or our house if Mrs B is in charge of putting the salad together. Personally I would serve it fresh from the bag or dumped on the side of the plate....

- Dressing for Lunch******
******I’m really not ready to face naked lettuce

- On a fork*******
******* Very briefly unless they happen to have been selected by one of those chatty types that spear their food with a fork and then wave it around dangerously during animated conversation.....

A clean break
A bit of a moral question for you – is it wrong to sack your cleaners via text?

In my defence they were absolutely rubbish at their job (a husband and wife team).

Mrs B has done her best over the six months that we have endured their services, leaving little encouraging notes – like tips and hints on how to use cleaning products. They appear to work on a Pig-Pen basis (character from Peanuts) only occasionally managing to accidently clean things, much preferring a redistribution of dirt method.

They briefly offered an ironing service – but the clothes came back more wrinkled than before they started. Only the wrinkles were more permanent and now came with singe marks...

The last straw came when we asked them to spring clean our kitchen cupboards – They left a note saying that they had not managed to complete the task, which is fine, because we imagined they had spent ages doing a really thorough job.

It was only when we went to check what they had finished and found we could only tell which cupboards they had completed because of the chaos of the contents – the cupboards themselves did not appear to have been cleaned at all. I think they had carefully taken everything out and then, a bit like competitors in the Crystal Maze, had panicked that time was running out, got scared they might get locked in and so had just thrown everything back before dashing for the exit....I wonder if it was Richard O’Brian or Ed Tudor-Pole at our front door screaming "Quick!, quick!, before the portal closes and you are locked inside forever!" – Apologies If you are not English and of a certain age, the whole Crystal Maze reference is going to mean nothing to you.....

So, without a backwards glance (eek, anyone know a good cleaner?) I dumped them by text.

There will be no reconciliation..................

Oddly our house seems cleaner already....

A record of the week

Changes - by David Bowie  - Nothing stays the same, embrace the change......

The Best Part of Breaking up is when you're making up.... by The Symbals - Except when it's your rubbish (no pun intended) cleaners.... 

Photo finish
We start off this week by taking you back to the last day at Delicious - I also get around to playing with the Coloursplash app on the Ipad....

A very versatile Tea Room, we once had our kitchen

revamped here...... oh hang on a second, Mrs B just

reminded me - that was when it was a kitchen company...

Che -reflecting on the good
old days at Delicious...

Emma - sweeping out the old..... 
No I don't mean me - bloody cheek

South Street Pantry launch party

Welcome to the new world

Lucy used to live 2 doors up from us but in
good old English tradition we had never spoken 
until she started working at The Tea Room
previously known as Delicious...

Fran and Amber on bar duty

Emma reluctant to let the last bit of cake go...

Che liberates another cake in
 the  Baking Revolution.....

Backroom meets front of house
Simon managing to look more Che than Che.....

Emma on camera duty

Adding a touch of colour to your life...
If this had been Essex the orange colour would
probably have been the skin tone.... 

I'm a bit worried that Alice has gone prematurely grey....

It's all about the cake.....

Adam likes to stand out from the crowd.....

The front of house team

Alice, Lucy, Amber, Adam, Che, Emma and Fran

A.K.A Adam's Harem

(Sorry Fran I guess that leaves you the choice

of  being an honorary woman or eunuch)

That's better. Alice returns to Colourland....

Despite what the cake thinks, it's all about the coffee......

Mrs B and Adam toast to new begining.... 
or is Adam still recruiting for his Harem???

 See you next time....