Sunday 1 April 2012

The Tea Room previously known as Delicious

I’m sad to report that my favourite Tea Room – ‘Delicious’ exists no more.....

However before you all go into mourning on behalf of my loss (P.S. I will be judging you harshly if you were not feeling slightly down at this point ...) I can report, with much delight, that it is not the end but a new beginning. A bit of a spruce up, a new name, some tweaks to the menu and it has been re-launched as The South Street Pantry. The same happy staff (the look of “Oh no not you again” is hardly noticeable) and a friendly atmosphere .... They also now serve alcohol, which doesn’t mean a lot to me as a non-drinker*, but apparently does to the majority of this drunken country of mine....

* Non- drinkers discriminated against
It has come to my attention that as a non-drinker I am being discriminated against when it comes to dieting. The high calorific count for alcohol means that you pesky drinkers can lose shed loads of weight by just stopping drinking for half an hour. Not so for me – I have to give up eating entirely for about 18 months before an ounce disappears off the scales**....Now don’t you go accusing me of eating all the cakes at the Tea Room previously known as Delicious – I have, for the record, been surviving on a diet of Hummus – hold the celery and carrot sticks – (do I look like a rabbit?) and salads (OK, it does sound like I’m starting to eat like one). This barely leaves me enough energy to lift my full fat Latte, with whipped cream, chocolate droppings, marshmallows and 15 spoons of sugar .....


** I’m thinking of inventing a new scales which you can pre-program with your desired weight....


Imaginary conversation ....well more of a monologue really


Me – “Mrs B - I’m down to 6 stone, I had better eat loads of fattening stuff before I fade away............”


Mrs B – nothing said just a stony stare that would make solid granite blush.....


Me – “By the way you appear to have shrunk all my clothes*** and the house doors**** in that last wash......You should never boil wash doors..


*** They should be hanging off my 6 stone skeletal, if unbelievably well upholstered body....


**** Why else would they prevent me from wafting from room to room?


Mrs B - Shaking her head sadly, with a ‘Why me?’ or possibly “Give me strength” expression on her cute little face..

I happened to be the last customer of Delicious or would have been if Adam (1/3 owner) had let me pay for my drinks – so I guess my claim is to being more of the last Freeloader. As a nice bit of symmetry I was the first customer through the door for the re-launch party (rumours that I camped outside for the four days of renovations are wildly exaggerated – I happened to be pining at home). Since the Beast was with me on both occasions I can share with you not just the demise but also the phoenix rising from the flames – just meander down to Photo Finish once you get bored with the wordy bits.....although most of you probably haven’t made it this far and are probably already down there.....

I was chatting to Adam who mentioned that while the majority of people were positive about the name change, a small minority acted as if Adam had slapped them around the face and then stolen their first born child and put them to bed early .... That sounds like a clear case of Kiddy-napping to me.....

Socialising with lettuce
I noticed when I was paying for a bag of lettuce – I was self scanning, so had plenty of time to read the packaging as I desperately turned it over trying to find the damn bar code....It apparently has its own face book page. What the hell is going on, I struggle to eat the bloody stuff let alone have a desire to socially interact with it....

I can only assume it has a limited range of Facebook status. Select from :-

- On the shelf

- In the Fridge

- In a bowl*****
***** Posh households only or our house if Mrs B is in charge of putting the salad together. Personally I would serve it fresh from the bag or dumped on the side of the plate....

- Dressing for Lunch******
******I’m really not ready to face naked lettuce

- On a fork*******
******* Very briefly unless they happen to have been selected by one of those chatty types that spear their food with a fork and then wave it around dangerously during animated conversation.....

A clean break
A bit of a moral question for you – is it wrong to sack your cleaners via text?

In my defence they were absolutely rubbish at their job (a husband and wife team).

Mrs B has done her best over the six months that we have endured their services, leaving little encouraging notes – like tips and hints on how to use cleaning products. They appear to work on a Pig-Pen basis (character from Peanuts) only occasionally managing to accidently clean things, much preferring a redistribution of dirt method.

They briefly offered an ironing service – but the clothes came back more wrinkled than before they started. Only the wrinkles were more permanent and now came with singe marks...

The last straw came when we asked them to spring clean our kitchen cupboards – They left a note saying that they had not managed to complete the task, which is fine, because we imagined they had spent ages doing a really thorough job.

It was only when we went to check what they had finished and found we could only tell which cupboards they had completed because of the chaos of the contents – the cupboards themselves did not appear to have been cleaned at all. I think they had carefully taken everything out and then, a bit like competitors in the Crystal Maze, had panicked that time was running out, got scared they might get locked in and so had just thrown everything back before dashing for the exit....I wonder if it was Richard O’Brian or Ed Tudor-Pole at our front door screaming "Quick!, quick!, before the portal closes and you are locked inside forever!" – Apologies If you are not English and of a certain age, the whole Crystal Maze reference is going to mean nothing to you.....

So, without a backwards glance (eek, anyone know a good cleaner?) I dumped them by text.

There will be no reconciliation..................

Oddly our house seems cleaner already....

A record of the week

Changes - by David Bowie  - Nothing stays the same, embrace the change......

The Best Part of Breaking up is when you're making up.... by The Symbals - Except when it's your rubbish (no pun intended) cleaners.... 

Photo finish
We start off this week by taking you back to the last day at Delicious - I also get around to playing with the Coloursplash app on the Ipad....

A very versatile Tea Room, we once had our kitchen
revamped here...... oh hang on a second, Mrs B just
reminded me - that was when it was a kitchen company...


Che -reflecting on the good
old days at Delicious...

Emma - sweeping out the old..... 
No I don't mean me - bloody cheek
South Street Pantry launch party

Welcome to the new world
Lucy used to live 2 doors up from us but in
good old English tradition we had never spoken 
until she started working at The Tea Room
previously known as Delicious...

Fran and Amber on bar duty

Emma reluctant to let the last bit of cake go...

Che liberates another cake in
 the  Baking Revolution.....

Backroom meets front of house
Simon managing to look more Che than Che.....

Emma on camera duty

Adding a touch of colour to your life...
If this had been Essex the orange colour would
probably have been the skin tone.... 

I'm a bit worried that Alice has gone prematurely grey....

It's all about the cake.....

Adam likes to stand out from the crowd.....

The front of house team
Alice, Lucy, Amber, Adam, Che, Emma and Fran
A.K.A Adam's Harem
(Sorry Fran I guess that leaves you the choice
of  being an honorary woman or eunuch)

That's better. Alice returns to Colourland....

Despite what the cake thinks, it's all about the coffee......
Mrs B and Adam toast to new begining.... 
or is Adam still recruiting for his Harem???
 See you next time....

14 comments:

  1. I would have been with you in pining if it was my favourite coffee shop.
    The face lift looks good though and I am sure you will soon get used to the change of name.

    Love the colour effects of the photos. What a fun app to play with.

    ReplyDelete
  2. skipperthewonderhorse1 April 2012 at 11:00

    I have a suspicion Mrs B did not get to proof read this entry. No clues! Thank gods cake is still available, though I am shocked to read you are eating salads. Worrying. Down on the farm there are owls everywhere. Wondering if Mrs B should come and send them all into hiding? Without the ball you may have to set a weekend arbitrarily! Perish the thought...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm still adjusting to my favourite coffee shop changing hands...and changing the menu... for me it's a long hard road to acceptance

    ReplyDelete
  4. 8th photo...you haven't used any photo app...that's the girl from Schindler's List.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Stupid American alert - how much is 6 stone? I only understand lbs, and did I mention I'm also a LAZY American, which means I can't bring myself to do the math myself? Also, get me a cup of coffee and a burger while you're up.

    Sincerely,
    Fat, lazy, stupid American

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm sorry that my post about stupid Fitness Pal made you realize that you are being discriminated against. I have failed: I have resorted to your suggested method of not logging in every drink. I mean, really who cares if it was 4 ounces of wine or 10? Small matters.

    On that note, I don't anticipate losing much weight, so I'd like to place an order for one of your pre-programmed scales. And possibly a conversion chart of stones to pounds....

    I better find lettuce on Facebook. Because I love lettuce, and we all know that you aren't really friends unless it is Facebook official.

    The South Street Pantry looks awesome! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Whatever the name is, it looks like a fabulous place to go, any day, any time and relax with friendly people. Love it and wish I were closer.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mynx said...
    I would have been with you in pining if it was my favourite coffee shop.
    Currently I’m shortening it to “The Pantry” or lengthening it to The Tea Shop formally Known as Delicious
    The face lift looks good though and I am sure you will soon get used to the change of name.

    Love the colour effects of the photos. What a fun app to play with.
    It certainly is – I’m not a big fan of paling around with photo’s to the extent where they are pretending to be something they are not but justify this because it is obvious and so no chance of pretence

    ReplyDelete
  9. skipperthewonderhorse said...
    I have a suspicion Mrs B did not get to proof read this entry. No clues!
    Mrs B did the first draft but I added a bit before publishing, I know how much you appreciate my raw spelling....

    Thank gods cake is still available, though I am shocked to read you are eating salads. Worrying.
    Mrs B claims they don’t count as I have more dressing than salad....I say it is a step in the wrong direction but it keeps her happy

    Down on the farm there are owls everywhere. Wondering if Mrs B should come and send them all into hiding? Without the ball you may have to set a weekend arbitrarily! Perish the thought...
    We are going to be in Norfolk in the first week in July so would be good to catch up around then

    ReplyDelete
  10. G said...
    I'm still adjusting to my favourite coffee shop changing hands...and changing the menu... for me it's a long hard road to acceptance
    At least it was just a change of name for me.....

    ReplyDelete
  11. cynicalscribble said...
    8th photo...you haven't used any photo app...that's the girl from Schindler's List.
    Damn CS you are on to me – I admit it, I stole a shot from one of the many happy cake eating scene’s in Schindler’s list....

    ReplyDelete
  12. A Beer for the Shower said...
    Stupid American alert - how much is 6 stone?
    About 23 pebbles and some loose shingle....

    I only understand lbs, and did I mention I'm also a LAZY American, which means I can't bring myself to do the math myself?
    Can’t you hire some of those Canadians to do it for you – If you follow California’s example you won’t even have to pay them for any services

    Also, get me a cup of coffee and a burger while you're up.
    What did your last blogger die of....

    Sincerely,
    Fat, lazy, stupid American

    See I don’t buy that, the fat lazy Americans are too stupid to know they are fat lazy and stupid....

    ReplyDelete
  13. L-Kat said...
    I'm sorry that my post about stupid Fitness Pal made you realize that you are being discriminated against. I have failed:
    No need to worry It’s important to know who is discriminating against you...

    I have resorted to your suggested method of not logging in every drink. I mean, really who cares if it was 4 ounces of wine or 10? Small matters. I suspect the person you run over on the way home from the bar might, although 10 ounces might be useful to help you forget the trauma....

    On that note, I don't anticipate losing much weight, so I'd like to place an order for one of your pre-programmed scales. And possibly a conversion chart of stones to pounds....
    I’ll put you on the short list for the scales as for conversion how about dollars to pounds as you can’t spend Stones in the UK, not since the end of the Stone-age – a short lived economic system that failed when people realised you can’t run a country on a finance system based on things you can pick up from the ground...

    I better find lettuce on Facebook. Because I love lettuce, and we all know that you aren't really friends unless it is Facebook official.
    The Lettuce seemed very selective about who it will have as a friend.....

    The South Street Pantry looks awesome! :)
    It is....

    ReplyDelete
  14. One Bad Pixie said...
    Whatever the name is, it looks like a fabulous place to go, any day, any time and relax with friendly people. Love it and wish I were closer.
    If you are ever near Bishops Stortford you should make the effort to drop in....

    ReplyDelete

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