Cultural vacuum

It was off to see the Leonardo Da Vinci (The Milan years) at the National Gallery this week .

As with most things cultural it proved a leap too far for me – I’m o.k. on a superficial level (never knowingly left out of a conversation, on any subject, no matter how far out of my depth I get – none of that sissy drowning in a couple of inches of water for me, when I drown it’s the Mariana Trench or nothing) one could say I know a lot about very little or possibly nothing about everything.

We had received rave reviews about the exhibition from an American, whilst travelling in the Peak to Peak Gondola  in Whistler.  The guy could not have spoken more highly of it – (we were about 436m off the ground, over Fitzsimmons Creek – so technically he could have been much higher but 436 meters is quite impressive from most people’s  point of view) so when we were offered free tickets for the exhibition we jumped at the chance (Don’t worry we were not in the Peak to Peak Gondola at the time of the offering  – that might well have ended up very messy).

We met up with some of Mrs B’s  contacts  and as I had not met them before I attempt to break  the ice and tried to crack a joke about chipping the hand of god section out of the Sistine chapel and bringing it across to be included in the exhibition.  OK not a great joke so when it did not get a laugh it wasn’t the end of my world.....

Now onto the art work, sorry Brandon and Bryan of a  “A beer for the shower” fame – Leonardo’s art work just edges yours out but take heart, his cartoons are rubbish.  They’re not funny at all or even non-PC for that matter (not unless you count painting the 16 year old mistress of his 39 year old patron Ludovico Sforza,  which is fairly non-PC even by today’s standards but probably not by those lax 15^th/16^th centuries ones). I did however find the pretentious amateur art critics, wandering around the gallery, difficult  to stomach with their preposterous statements such as :-

·         “Have you seen the way Leonardo captures the light in the subject’s eyes?  You can almost tell the time of day he painted it.” (Only if he showed the reflection of a sundial in them)

·         “Did you know they did infrared tests on some of Leonardo’s work which shows his incredible preparation work?” (No it showed he didn’t have a very good eraser for when he went wrong)

·         “He didn’t paint any of them you know they were all done by Shakespeare” (Ok, I made the last one up,  but it’s the sort of thing that pretentious self-important art critic know it all’s would say.  Plus it’s about time poor Shakespeare, who is often accused of being a fraud, got some sort of payback – Shakespeare you are welcome, but if you ever try and take credit for writing the BlackLOG things won’t go well for you.....)

The Leonardo exhibition was split over two levels,  which meant having to traipse through  a number of the gallery’s other rooms.  This gave us the opportunity to appreciate Leonardo’s attention to detail, particularly with the eyes (Gosh - you can almost tell the time that the picture was painted  ) and hands,  making  the other artists look like they were children doing potato prints....I bet those other artists must really hate Leonardo for showing them up....

Just before we leave the exhibition I’ll remind you of my attempt at a little Ice breaker earlier in the blog..... we reached the last room and my resistance to the culture overload  was on the wane. Mrs B took this opportunity to sidle across and whisper lovingly in my ear ....

Mrs B –“In case I forget it was Michael Angelo that painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel ”

Me - “What?”

Mrs B – “That thing you said earlier, about the Sistine Chapel.  Da Vinci didn’t paint it ”

Me - “Hmmm, are you sure...”

Mrs B – “He didn’t even visit Rome”

Me – “Not even in his helicopter...”

Mrs B – “No not even in that....”

Me - “Doh!”

When we returned to the rest of the group this was eating me up.....if only Mrs B had left me alone with my ignorance.

I fessed up to my art stupidity....

"Don’t worry”

one of the other members of the party piped In

“I did something far more embarrassing....I inquired at the main desk if the Mona Lisa was going to be on display”. 

She had been  informed by a rather snooty person that

"The Mona Lisa was painted in Florence and not Milan and so would obviously not be included madam...." 

As lovely as it was to try and cover up my cultural faux pas,  not knowing that a painting was painted in Florence rather than Milan is hardly in the same league as getting the wrong artist for one of the most famous pieces of artwork in the world (although thinking about it the angle of the light should of course had made it obvious it was painted in Florence).  

Just as well it wasn’t the last question on “Who wants to be a Millionaire”.  Now that would have been upsetting...

Kitchen update

As indicated in previous blogs, Mrs B’s purchase of a bright red coffee machine has come with a lot more than I had bargained for.  I’ll hold off for the moment on updateing  you on the  work to revamp the kitchen (in order for it to  fit in with  the coffee machine) as Mrs B's plans continue to expand, much like a size zero model after guzzling down a grain of rice....

Record of the week

State of Art by Friends Again - Probably doing better than me....

At the art gallery by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore - Not strictly a record (well not really a record at all) but so apt for this week I had to include it.  It starts a bit slowly but does get better especially when they start to discuss the placing of gauze,  the sad loss of cherubs and why Da vinci’s cartoons aren’t that funny.

Photo Finish
This week sees some pictures from Chinese New Year. My first sight of an electric car in action and a new visitor to the garden..... All pictures Courtesy of The Beast

Chinese New Year - China Town London



Welcome to the Year of the Dragon....

“Rubbish decorations”

You have to be impressed that they went to so much

trouble decorating even the bin areas...

I love the juxtaposition between the Gas guzzling stretched

limo passing  the snub nosed electric car,  which is shackled

 to a charge point.  No doubt suckling power in preparation for 

 an ambitious attempted trip around Greys in square.  Fingers

crossed that it might just make it back to the power point,  an

estimated journey of 600 meters, before the only other electric

car in London gets pushed into the vacant space....

Why do  electric cars have to be so ugly?



With Batman nowhere in sight Robin returned to his old

thieving ways and did a flyer from the garden restaurant

without settling his bill  -

When arrested by the old Bill* and dragged before

the beak** he claimed it was a ducks bill and

had nothing to do with him.....

* Slang term for the police and not

nicked by a piece of paper

** Slang for a judge – You can’t make this stuff up

....well you can but no one would believe you...

 Thanks for dropping in and hope enjoyed yourself enough to tune in again next week