Monday 30 January 2012

Cultural vacuum


It was off to see the Leonardo Da Vinci (The Milan years) at the National Gallery this week .

As with most things cultural it proved a leap too far for me – I’m o.k. on a superficial level (never knowingly left out of a conversation, on any subject, no matter how far out of my depth I get – none of that sissy drowning in a couple of inches of water for me, when I drown it’s the Mariana Trench or nothing) one could say I know a lot about very little or possibly nothing about everything.

We had received rave reviews about the exhibition from an American, whilst travelling in the Peak to Peak Gondola  in Whistler.  The guy could not have spoken more highly of it – (we were about 436m off the ground, over Fitzsimmons Creek – so technically he could have been much higher but 436 meters is quite impressive from most people’s  point of view) so when we were offered free tickets for the exhibition we jumped at the chance (Don’t worry we were not in the Peak to Peak Gondola at the time of the offering  – that might well have ended up very messy).

We met up with some of Mrs B’s  contacts  and as I had not met them before I attempt to break  the ice and tried to crack a joke about chipping the hand of god section out of the Sistine chapel and bringing it across to be included in the exhibition.  OK not a great joke so when it did not get a laugh it wasn’t the end of my world.....

Now onto the art work, sorry Brandon and Bryan of a  A beer for the shower” fame – Leonardo’s art work just edges yours out but take heart, his cartoons are rubbish.  They’re not funny at all or even non-PC for that matter (not unless you count painting the 16 year old mistress of his 39 year old patron Ludovico Sforza,  which is fairly non-PC even by today’s standards but probably not by those lax 15th/16th centuries ones). I did however find the pretentious amateur art critics, wandering around the gallery, difficult  to stomach with their preposterous statements such as :-

·         “Have you seen the way Leonardo captures the light in the subject’s eyes?  You can almost tell the time of day he painted it.” (Only if he showed the reflection of a sundial in them)

·         “Did you know they did infrared tests on some of Leonardo’s work which shows his incredible preparation work?” (No it showed he didn’t have a very good eraser for when he went wrong)

·         “He didn’t paint any of them you know they were all done by Shakespeare” (Ok, I made the last one up,  but it’s the sort of thing that pretentious self-important art critic know it all’s would say.  Plus it’s about time poor Shakespeare, who is often accused of being a fraud, got some sort of payback – Shakespeare you are welcome, but if you ever try and take credit for writing the BlackLOG things won’t go well for you.....)

The Leonardo exhibition was split over two levels,  which meant having to traipse through  a number of the gallery’s other rooms.  This gave us the opportunity to appreciate Leonardo’s attention to detail, particularly with the eyes (Gosh - you can almost tell the time that the picture was painted  ) and hands,  making  the other artists look like they were children doing potato prints....I bet those other artists must really hate Leonardo for showing them up....

Just before we leave the exhibition I’ll remind you of my attempt at a little Ice breaker earlier in the blog..... we reached the last room and my resistance to the culture overload  was on the wane. Mrs B took this opportunity to sidle across and whisper lovingly in my ear ....

Mrs B –“In case I forget it was Michael Angelo that painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel ”

Me - “What?”

Mrs B – “That thing you said earlier, about the Sistine Chapel.  Da Vinci didn’t paint it ”

Me - “Hmmm, are you sure...”

Mrs B – “He didn’t even visit Rome”

Me – “Not even in his helicopter...”

Mrs B – “No not even in that....”

Me - “Doh!”

When we returned to the rest of the group this was eating me up.....if only Mrs B had left me alone with my ignorance.

I fessed up to my art stupidity....

"Don’t worry”

one of the other members of the party piped In

“I did something far more embarrassing....I inquired at the main desk if the Mona Lisa was going to be on display”. 

She had been  informed by a rather snooty person that

"The Mona Lisa was painted in Florence and not Milan and so would obviously not be included madam...." 

As lovely as it was to try and cover up my cultural faux pas,  not knowing that a painting was painted in Florence rather than Milan is hardly in the same league as getting the wrong artist for one of the most famous pieces of artwork in the world (although thinking about it the angle of the light should of course had made it obvious it was painted in Florence).  

Just as well it wasn’t the last question on “Who wants to be a Millionaire”.  Now that would have been upsetting...

Kitchen update
As indicated in previous blogs, Mrs B’s purchase of a bright red coffee machine has come with a lot more than I had bargained for.  I’ll hold off for the moment on updateing  you on the  work to revamp the kitchen (in order for it to  fit in with  the coffee machine) as Mrs B's plans continue to expand, much like a size zero model after guzzling down a grain of rice....
Record of the week
State of Art by Friends Again - Probably doing better than me....
At the art gallery by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore - Not strictly a record (well not really a record at all) but so apt for this week I had to include it.  It starts a bit slowly but does get better especially when they start to discuss the placing of gauze,  the sad loss of cherubs and why Da vinci’s cartoons aren’t that funny.
Photo Finish
This week sees some pictures from Chinese New Year. My first sight of an electric car in action and a new visitor to the garden..... All pictures Courtesy of The Beast

Chinese New Year - China Town London

Welcome to the Year of the Dragon....
Rubbish decorations

You have to be impressed that they went to so much
trouble decorating even the bin areas...


I love the juxtaposition between the Gas guzzling stretched
limo passing  the snub nosed electric car,  which is shackled
 to a charge point.  No doubt suckling power in preparation for 
 an ambitious attempted trip around Greys in square.  Fingers
crossed that it might just make it back to the power point,  an
estimated journey of 600 meters, before the only other electric
car in London gets pushed into the vacant space....

Why do  electric cars have to be so ugly?

With Batman nowhere in sight Robin returned to his old
thieving ways and did a flyer from the garden restaurant
without settling his bill  -

When arrested by the old Bill* and dragged before
the beak** he claimed it was a ducks bill and
had nothing to do with him.....

* Slang term for the police and not
nicked by a piece of paper

** Slang for a judge – You can’t make this stuff up
....well you can but no one would believe you...
 Thanks for dropping in and hope enjoyed yourself enough to tune in again next week

20 comments:

  1. I'm about as cultural as you are (probably less so given I'm from a place more northern than London). There is a Piccasso exhibition on over here at the minute and part of me thinks I should go and see it. The other part thinks I'll just walk around it thinking a 10 year old could do better.

    If I could think of something humorous to end this comment this is the bit where I'd write it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. cynicalscribble said...
    I'm about as cultural as you are (probably less so given I'm from a place more northern than London).
    Sorry to go all competitive on you but I’m so uncultured I’m not even allowed yogurt....

    There is a Piccasso exhibition on over here at the minute and part of me thinks I should go and see it. The other part thinks I'll just walk around it thinking a 10 year old could do better.
    Sod walking, you need to take on board loads of e numbers and the run around the gallery in shorts, sandals with white socks and a Mickey Mouse T-shirt screaming “My dog could do better than this”. With a bit of luck you will get a life time ban from all galleries and museums around the world saving years of future suffering

    If I could think of something humorous to end this comment this is the bit where I'd write it .
    That’s my thoughts about the BlackLOG

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  3. I remember the good ol' days when I only knew Leonardo as a ninja turtle...

    And as far as the comparison between Da Vinci and A Beer for the Shower, let's see how well Leo can draw in MS Paint...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lost.in.Idaho said...
    I remember the good ol' days when I only knew Leonardo as a ninja turtle...
    And to think people don’t believe in reincarnation....

    And as far as the comparison between Da Vinci and A Beer for the Shower, let's see how well Leo can draw in MS Paint...
    Sounds like we need to organise a paint off

    Leonardo in MS Paint

    V

    A Beer for the Shower – Oil and canvas

    ReplyDelete
  5. Didn't Leonardo do Mona Lisa?
    And then he painted her?
    BA DUM BUM!
    Thank you, thank you very much, I'm here 'til Thursday.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I keep meaning to be more cultural and go and see stuff like this...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Only if he showed the reflection of a sundial in them
    And this is why you're one of my favorite bloggers.

    I bet Shakespeare is trying to take credit for my blog. You need to watch him....he's sneaky.

    Psssss (disgusted sound). Who doesn't know that the Mona Lisa was painted in Florence. Amateurs. Everyone knows that. Sistine What?!? I think you're fine.

    "like a size zero model after guzzling down a grain of rice..." How do you think this stuff up? Love it.

    Chinese New Year looks really neat.

    As always, thanks for sharing! Looking forward to next week's post.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Al Penwasser said...
    Didn't Leonardo do Mona Lisa?
    Badly, if that smile is anything to go on.....

    ReplyDelete
  9. G said...
    I keep meaning to be more cultural and go and see stuff like this...
    Careful it might come back and bite you in the bum....just make sure you know your facts before making any sweeping statements

    ReplyDelete
  10. L-Kat said...
    Only if he showed the reflection of a sundial in them
    And this is why you're one of my favorite bloggers.

    And this is why you are one of my favourite readers....

    I bet Shakespeare is trying to take credit for my blog. You need to watch him....he's sneaky.
    He certainly is, apparently he’s trying to take credit for West Side Story.....

    Psssss (disgusted sound). Who doesn't know that the Mona Lisa was painted in Florence. Amateurs. Everyone knows that. Sistine What?!? I think you're fine.
    I’m currently narrowed it down to which street he was in but have been unable to work out the room...

    "like a size zero model after guzzling down a grain of rice..." How do you think this stuff up? Love it.
    Too much time on my hand

    Chinese New Year looks really neat.
    Those bins certainly help to keep things tidy...

    As always, thanks for sharing! Looking forward to next week's post.
    Thanks for reading and the support.....

    ReplyDelete
  11. arsonist app??? Confused!!

    I do like the garbage decorum... far better effort than I would make to decorate trash.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Miss Caitlin S. said...
    arsonist app??? Confused!!
    It’s my attempt to launch a new blogging trend.... “Blind Dumb Blogging” where you post a comment on someone else’s blog that relates to a topic on an entirely different bloggers page....

    I do like the garbage decorum... far better effort than I would make to decorate trash.
    Why should the bin men miss out on the celebrations????

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  13. Great blog! Just discovered it and am following you now!

    ReplyDelete
  14. A paint off! I'm game! And by that I mean I win because he's dead. Where's my trophy?

    Though, in all fairness, I'm an unemployed writer, so I can't actually AFFORD oil and canvas. How about sharpies and construction paper?

    Oh, and you didn't know the Mona Lisa was painted in Florence? You uncouth, classless heathen. I wouldn't share caviar with you if you were dying of starvation.

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  15. hahah left you alone in your ignorance. So funny.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Cranky and Difficult said...
    Great blog! Just discovered it and am following you now!
    Thank you, what took you so long?

    ReplyDelete
  17. A Beer for the Shower said...
    A paint off! I'm game! And by that I mean I win because he's dead. Where's my trophy?
    You do realise it is a paint off to the death and Leonardo has already won the first round....

    Though, in all fairness, I'm an unemployed writer, so I can't actually AFFORD oil and canvas. How about sharpies and construction paper?
    This is such a cheap competition it will accept crayons (stolen from the hands of crying babies) and loo paper (Not used though , it’s not that cheap....)

    Oh, and you didn't know the Mona Lisa was painted in Florence? You uncouth, classless heathen. I wouldn't share caviar with you if you were dying of starvation.
    Now that’s harsh, I don’t actually like caviar so can you not share your pate foie gras with me....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Miss Caitlin S. said...
    hahah left you alone in your ignorance. So funny.
    Let’s face you are never really alone as you can always rely on ignorance of something

    ReplyDelete
  19. I can't believe that someone would be so snobby and quip like that to what is, to me, a totally legitimate question. Not all of us know everything about art.

    I'm doing good if I can even remember the capital of some of the largest states, how am I supposed to be expected to know when and where these paintings originated?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Jas said...
    I can't believe that someone would be so snobby and quip like that to what is, to me, a totally legitimate question. Not all of us know everything about art.
    Welcome to the pretentious world of art, where people value child like doodles of long since dead artists (who mostly starved because people at the time recognised how rubbish they really were) at hundreds of millions of pounds....

    I'm doing good if I can even remember the capital of some of the largest states, how am I supposed to be expected to know when and where these paintings originated?
    That’s why we now have smart phones and internet access almost everywhere we go....although with the new Iphone 4S you do get the feeling that the phone is judging you when you ask Sirius a question....all I ever get is “This service is currently not available”, which probably translates as “That question is so puerile it is beneath contempt and not worth answering”

    ReplyDelete

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